post them then heres mine:
For quite some time, there’s a man living next door to a beautiful young girl. He curses his lack of confidence, as he’s never said more than hello to the fantastic creature. Then one day, as he returns from work, the girl appears at her front door wearing a flimsy negligee and beckons him over. As she slides her arms around his neck, it’s obvious she’s coming on to him, and the man gets increasingly hot under the collar. All of a sudden she looks up. “Inside, quickly,� she whispers urgently, “I can hear someone coming.� Blind with lust, he follows her indoors where she strips off and stands in front of him, stark naked. “So, honey,� she coos. “What do you think my best attribute is?� “Well,� the man stammers. “It’s... er... got to be your ears.� The woman frowns at him incredulously. “My ears?� she gasps. “But why? Have you ever seen such flawless skin? Such pert breasts? Have you ever set eyes upon such a firm backside?� “No – I agree,� says the man. The woman shakes her head, “And yet you say my ears...� “Well it’s like this,� he explains, “when we were outside, you said you could hear someone coming...� “So?� she demands. The man gulps. “Well, that was me.�
A tramp walks into a bar and orders a drink. ‘I don't think you're going to be able to pay for that, are you?’ says the barman. ‘Okay,’ says the tramp. ‘If I promise to show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink?’ Reluctantly, the barman agrees, and the tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and puts it on the bar. The furry creature runs over to the piano and bangs out a brilliant version of Imagine. ‘That was amazing,’ admits the barman as he pulls the tramp's pint. Once he's downed it, the tramp asks for another. ‘I'll need another miracle in return,’ says the barman. So this time the tramp pulls out a frog and puts it on the bar. The frog clears his throat and sings Bohemian Rhapsody. At this point, a man sitting in the corner of the bar comes up and gives him £100 for the frog. When he's gone, the barman says to the tramp, ‘Blimey, that's cheap. You could have got much more.’ ‘It's okay,’ replies the tramp. ‘The hamster's a ventriloquist.’
Two nuns are sitting in the traffic waiting for the lights to change when suddenly a vampire appears in front of them. ‘Oh sister, what shall we do?’ stammers the younger nun. ‘Do not worry,’ came the reply. ‘Show him your cross.’ The younger nun winds down the windscreen and yells, ‘Fuck off, you little twat!’
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ABLO:.
Member No: 12718
I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbecil, I will only complicate you, trust in me and fall aswell...
www.MOUNTAINCANON.com
'I honestly dont have the slightest fucking clue of what I'm talking about' - DSpin_9
