Joke thread

The HeistThere are three people: a blonde named Stacy, a red-head named Mary, and a guy named Jack.

One day Mary says "I think we should rob a bank." And everyone agrees.

So the next week after much planning they all set it up. "Now remember me and Mary are going to circle around for two minures, got it?" Says Jack, "Okay." Says Stacy.

They drive away and two minutes pass and they come back. Stacy hasn't come out. 3 minutes pass, 4 minutes pass, 10 minutes pass, and after 11 minutes Stacy comes runing out with a safe that has been tied up and a guard with his pants down chasing after her. Stacy jumps in the car and they drive off.

Imidietly Mary says, "I told you to blow the safe and tie up the guard!!!"

 
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.

"But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"

The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms".

"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here: To apply, push up bottom".
 
It seems there were twin brothers by the name of Jones who lived in the same town. John was married but Joe was single. The single brother was the proud owner of a dilapidated old rowboat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that his brother's old boat filled with water and sank.

A few days later, a kindly old lady met Joe on the street and, mistaking him for John, said, "Oh, Mr. Jones, I was so sorry to hear of your great loss."

Joe spoke up, saying, "Well, I'm not a bit sorry. She was a rotten old thing from the start. Her bottom was all chewed up and she smelled of old dead fish and even the first time I got into her, she made water faster than anything I ever saw. She had a bad crack and a pretty big hole in the front and the hole kept getting bigger. Every time I used her she leaked like anything, but this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town came down looking for a good time and asked if I would rent her to them. Well, I warned them that she's not so hot, but they said they would take a crack at her anyway. The results were the crazy fools tried to get into her all at once. It was simply too much for her. She cracked right up the middle."

That's when the old lady fainted.
 
bucking bronco= your fuckin a girl in the ass right. then you grab her tits real hard as hard as you can, get close to her ear and whisper i have aids. She will start jumpin up and down like a bull would. Then count how many seconds you can keep it in.
 
A rich man and a poor man are buying gifts for their wive's birthdays. The rich man says, " I got my wife a brand new BMW and a diamond ring, that way if she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back in her BMW and still be happy".

The poor man says, " I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo, that way if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

ahahaha, thats probably the only good joke I can remember
 
A woman is paying for her groceries. She pays for some eggs, bacon and milk. A man behind her says, "You must be single." The woman looks at the man and then at the groceries and says, "Yes, but how did you know?" The man replies, "Because you're ugly."
 
i made this one up the other day

"did you hear the one about the man who couldnt leave his house?"

"no"

"oh, its an inside joke"

you get it?

good bad? yes no?

weak.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top