JOKE FORUM
- Thread starter tipshift
- Start date
i finally finished reading this forum and i have some jokes you missed.
why did the jews wander in the desert for 40 years? someon dropped a quarter.
what's the difference between jews and pizzas? you can overcook pizzas.
what do you call a blonde with pigtails? a blowjob with handlebars.
aside from my jew jokes, nobody should ever make fun of the holocaust since my grandfather died in it........he fell off a guard tower.
what should you never do when raping a girl? force her to give you head.
have you heard of the new jewish car? it not only stops on a dime, but it picks it up too.
how do blondes like their eggs in the morning? fertilized.
what do you do when you see a black man with half a head? stop laughing and reload.
why is there no cuban olympic team? all the cubans that can run jump and swim are in america.
2 drunks are on the road. the one driving turns to the second one and says 'i think we're getting closer to town' the second one says 'how do you know?' first one:'we're hitting more people.'
i may be fat but your ugly and i can lose weight.
should vegitarians eat animal crackers?
2 prostitutes on the street corner. first prostitute: 'have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?' second: 'no but i've been swung around by the tits.'
why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
why are there locks on the doors of stores that are opened 24 hours a day?
some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
a man is driving up a steep narrow mountain while a woman is driving down the same road. as they pass, the woman leans out her window and yells 'pig!' the man turns and yells back 'bitch!' as he rounds the corner, the man runs into a giant pig sitting in the road.
zach strikes
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
why did the jews wander in the desert for 40 years? someon dropped a quarter.
what's the difference between jews and pizzas? you can overcook pizzas.
what do you call a blonde with pigtails? a blowjob with handlebars.
aside from my jew jokes, nobody should ever make fun of the holocaust since my grandfather died in it........he fell off a guard tower.
what should you never do when raping a girl? force her to give you head.
have you heard of the new jewish car? it not only stops on a dime, but it picks it up too.
how do blondes like their eggs in the morning? fertilized.
what do you do when you see a black man with half a head? stop laughing and reload.
why is there no cuban olympic team? all the cubans that can run jump and swim are in america.
2 drunks are on the road. the one driving turns to the second one and says 'i think we're getting closer to town' the second one says 'how do you know?' first one:'we're hitting more people.'
i may be fat but your ugly and i can lose weight.
should vegitarians eat animal crackers?
2 prostitutes on the street corner. first prostitute: 'have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?' second: 'no but i've been swung around by the tits.'
why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?
why are there locks on the doors of stores that are opened 24 hours a day?
some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
a man is driving up a steep narrow mountain while a woman is driving down the same road. as they pass, the woman leans out her window and yells 'pig!' the man turns and yells back 'bitch!' as he rounds the corner, the man runs into a giant pig sitting in the road.
zach strikes
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
tarzan had been living in the jungle alone for 30 years and had grown accustomed to using trees as sex mates. when jane discovers him vigorously humping one of the knotholes in a tree for the first time, she offers herself to him being attracted to his jungle manlyness. as he lays her down in the wild grass, tarzan backs up, gets a running start and whales her in the crotch. screaming in pain, jane yells at tarzan 'what the hell did you do that for?' tarzan replies 'always check for squirrels.'
the queen of england is visiting one of the finest hospitals and is taking the tour when she walks in on one of the patients masturbating. disgusted, she asks the doctor in charge what the meaning of this is. 'well, this man has a testicle condition where he has to masturbate 5 times a day or his testicles will explode from a seamen overload and he will die a slow and painful death withouot any balls' this seems logical so the queen continues her tour through the hospitol. later, she walks in on a man getting head from one of the young nurses. disgusted, she asks the doctor again what is going on. the doctor says 'same condition, better health plan'
a teacher, trying to broaden her kindergarten children's sense reception gives them flavored candies that they do not know the flavor of. the children successfully get strawberry, apple, cherry, grape, and bannana, but when the teacher gives them honey, they are all stumped. the teacher gives them a hint. 'it's probably something all of your parents call each other at home kids.' little johnny, wide eyed with fear yells to the class 'spit them out, they're assholes!'
3 men standing at the top of the empire state building. they decide to see who's dick is the longes. first guy's dick goes half way down. second guy's dick goes all the way down. third guy's dick goes down the street. the other 2 start laughing at him. third guy says 'why are you laughing? my dick is the longest!' first guy says 'there's a steamroller comming downt the street.'
little billy goes to school and the teacher tells the class that they are going to be learning multiple syllable words that day. little billy volunteers the word mas-tur-bate. teacher says 'wow billy, that's a mouthful' 'no teacher' says little billy 'you're thinking of a blowjob.'
transcript from an actual cort record: 'just what did you do to prevent the accident?' 'closed my eyes and screamed as loud as i could'
7 most important people in a blonde's life: 1.dentist: open wide. 2.doctor: take off your clothes. 3.milkman: do you want it in the front or back? 4.hairdresser: do you want it teased or blown? 5.interior designor: once it's in you'll love it. 6.banker: if you take it out now, you'll lose interest. 7.hunter: always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.
why do brides wear white? to match the fridge.
what's the difference between a black man and a pizza? a pizza can feed a family of four
a man pulls a car over for going unusually slow. a blonde is driving and when asked why she was driving so slowly, she says that the speed limit was 11mph. it turns out that that was the route name of the highway she was on. when asked why all of her passengers were ghost white, she replied 'we just got off route 119
zach strikes again
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
the queen of england is visiting one of the finest hospitals and is taking the tour when she walks in on one of the patients masturbating. disgusted, she asks the doctor in charge what the meaning of this is. 'well, this man has a testicle condition where he has to masturbate 5 times a day or his testicles will explode from a seamen overload and he will die a slow and painful death withouot any balls' this seems logical so the queen continues her tour through the hospitol. later, she walks in on a man getting head from one of the young nurses. disgusted, she asks the doctor again what is going on. the doctor says 'same condition, better health plan'
a teacher, trying to broaden her kindergarten children's sense reception gives them flavored candies that they do not know the flavor of. the children successfully get strawberry, apple, cherry, grape, and bannana, but when the teacher gives them honey, they are all stumped. the teacher gives them a hint. 'it's probably something all of your parents call each other at home kids.' little johnny, wide eyed with fear yells to the class 'spit them out, they're assholes!'
3 men standing at the top of the empire state building. they decide to see who's dick is the longes. first guy's dick goes half way down. second guy's dick goes all the way down. third guy's dick goes down the street. the other 2 start laughing at him. third guy says 'why are you laughing? my dick is the longest!' first guy says 'there's a steamroller comming downt the street.'
little billy goes to school and the teacher tells the class that they are going to be learning multiple syllable words that day. little billy volunteers the word mas-tur-bate. teacher says 'wow billy, that's a mouthful' 'no teacher' says little billy 'you're thinking of a blowjob.'
transcript from an actual cort record: 'just what did you do to prevent the accident?' 'closed my eyes and screamed as loud as i could'
7 most important people in a blonde's life: 1.dentist: open wide. 2.doctor: take off your clothes. 3.milkman: do you want it in the front or back? 4.hairdresser: do you want it teased or blown? 5.interior designor: once it's in you'll love it. 6.banker: if you take it out now, you'll lose interest. 7.hunter: always goes deep in the bush, always shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.
why do brides wear white? to match the fridge.
what's the difference between a black man and a pizza? a pizza can feed a family of four
a man pulls a car over for going unusually slow. a blonde is driving and when asked why she was driving so slowly, she says that the speed limit was 11mph. it turns out that that was the route name of the highway she was on. when asked why all of her passengers were ghost white, she replied 'we just got off route 119
zach strikes again
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
this black kid and this white kid are talking about their dads. the black kid says 'my daddy killed 10 white guys with just a knife in one fight!' 'oh yeah?' says the white kid. 'my daddy's got a chainsaw that goes rrrrunnigganigganigga! rrrrrrunnnigganigganigga!
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
they say i got stupid when i hit my head
DENALI44
Member
so there is a mexican trying ot get to the US and claims he is a US citizen but has no ID. so the gaurd eventually said ill let you in if you can use these 3 words in the sam sentence, words: Pink Yellow Green. so the guy sits for a minute then says oh i can do it. his sentence ' I hear the phone go Green so i pink it up and say yellow'
Believing in jesus is like believing in santa claus, once you reach a certain age you realize that it's all made up
Believing in jesus is like believing in santa claus, once you reach a certain age you realize that it's all made up
squeakywaffle
Active member
An Irishman walks out of a bar....
_________________
its not in the eye of the beholder, its in the eye of the beerholder.
-What
_________________
its not in the eye of the beholder, its in the eye of the beerholder.
-What
petek
7139 posts
Crazy Fool
2003-04-23 22:16:43
how do you stick 3 dicks in ure mouth?
ask tipshift
=================================
Rowen
'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
7139 posts
Crazy Fool
2003-04-23 22:16:43
how do you stick 3 dicks in ure mouth?
ask tipshift
=================================
Rowen
'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
already heard those on page three.
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
=================================
Rowen
'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
=================================
Rowen
'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
GrassCutter86
Member
Why was the bad boxer thristy at partys?
because he was slow to the punch
because he was slow to the punch
flippintricker
Active member
A canadian, and american, a hot blonde (canadian) and a fat chick (american) are on a train. they pass through a tunnel, everyone hears a slap, and at the end of the tunnel they come out and the american has a slap mark on his face. The Fat chick supposes that the american tried to fondle the hot chick. The hot chick thinks that the american tried to touch her but mis placed his hand and grabbed the fat chick and she slapped him. The american thinks taht the canadian tried to feel up the blonde and that she mistakenly slapped him in the dark. The canadian sits there hoping that theres another tunnel coming up soon so that he can hit that damn american again!
To understand mankind, we must first understand the word. We can break the word down into two sub-words, 'mank' and 'ind'.What these two words mean is a mystery, just like mankind itself.
To understand mankind, we must first understand the word. We can break the word down into two sub-words, 'mank' and 'ind'.What these two words mean is a mystery, just like mankind itself.
After reading this there may be a wquestion on your mind
' Is spell check really necessary?'
For some of us this is what we read every day. Don't delete this
because it
looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg
. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a ! rscheearch at
Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought
slpeling was ipmorantt!
kLAKAMUS hm hm
' Is spell check really necessary?'
For some of us this is what we read every day. Don't delete this
because it
looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg
. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a ! rscheearch at
Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought
slpeling was ipmorantt!
kLAKAMUS hm hm
ECfreeski3
Active member
^^thats crazy. its right, i read that no problem at a completely normal pace
________________________
-this post dedicated to matt-
'see, this is what's wrong with newschoolers these days, i try to start a shittalking war, and nobody bites the bait'-noteefa
________________________
-this post dedicated to matt-
'see, this is what's wrong with newschoolers these days, i try to start a shittalking war, and nobody bites the bait'-noteefa
SteveStepp
Active member
Whats the difference between a black man and pizza?
Pizza can feed a family of 5
___________________
'You can't stop what can't be stopped'
'You can't catch what can't be caught'
Pizza can feed a family of 5
___________________
'You can't stop what can't be stopped'
'You can't catch what can't be caught'
SteveStepp
Active member
Did you hear about the kidnapping at our school?
No
The teacher woke him up
___________________
'You can't stop what can't be stopped'
'You can't catch what can't be caught'
No
The teacher woke him up
___________________
'You can't stop what can't be stopped'
'You can't catch what can't be caught'
jack_tha_ripper
Active member
what do u call a black person on a waterslide
sewrage(i cant spell)
what do u call an aboriginal on a computer
abodigital
what do u call a blak guy in a ferari
stolen OR jaffa
sewrage(i cant spell)
what do u call an aboriginal on a computer
abodigital
what do u call a blak guy in a ferari
stolen OR jaffa
french_hucker
Member
so there are 4 grade eight girls hangin out in the hallway. One is blonde, the other one's a brunette, and the 2 other ones have black hair.
Which one has the biggest boobs?
The blonde cuz shes 20.
'Yes, time flies.And where did it leave you?Old too soon...smart too late'
Mike Tyson
Which one has the biggest boobs?
The blonde cuz shes 20.
'Yes, time flies.And where did it leave you?Old too soon...smart too late'
Mike Tyson
GrassCutter86
Member
Where does a bee put his stinger at night time?
In his honey
In his honey
http://www.dvo.com/newsletter/monthly/2004/august/jest2.html
This is kinda freaky. You might have to look closely.
kLAKAMUS hm hm
This is kinda freaky. You might have to look closely.
kLAKAMUS hm hm
GrassCutter86
Member
Why did the bike use a kick stand?
because its two tired
because its two tired
im not racist, these are just jokes.
i dont know are these already told:
whats the difference between a black guy and a trampoline?
- you have to take your shoes off while jumping on trampoline
How long do you have to watch a black guy other eye closed?
-Until ur out of ammo
What do you have to do if you see a bloody black guy on your backyard?
-Stop laughing and shoot again
no signature.
i dont know are these already told:
whats the difference between a black guy and a trampoline?
- you have to take your shoes off while jumping on trampoline
How long do you have to watch a black guy other eye closed?
-Until ur out of ammo
What do you have to do if you see a bloody black guy on your backyard?
-Stop laughing and shoot again
no signature.
punk_rider
Active member
compute the speed of a jew?
height of the chemney * wind speed.
how do you prevent black guys to rape a white woman?
throw them a basket ball.
*******************
PUNK'S NOT DEAD!
RAILS SUCK!
POWDER SKIING RULES!
DEATH TO SNOWBOARD-ERS!!
VOTE BUSH!!
height of the chemney * wind speed.
how do you prevent black guys to rape a white woman?
throw them a basket ball.
*******************
PUNK'S NOT DEAD!
RAILS SUCK!
POWDER SKIING RULES!
DEATH TO SNOWBOARD-ERS!!
VOTE BUSH!!
cousinbird
Member
whats the difference between a dead baby and a rock u cant fuck a rock
GrassCutter86
Member
A mexican fire fighter had two sons. He named one son hose A and the other hose B
