JOKE FORUM

Why do you put a baby into a blender feet first?

To see the reaction on its face

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
Why are black peoples' eyes always red after sex?

from the pepper spray

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
Whats funnier than a dead baby ?

a dead baby in a clown costume

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

nail its other hand to the floor

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around really fast?

stopping it with a shovel

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
What bounces up and down at 100mph?

baby tied to the back of a truck

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
What red and dances all around?

baby on a bbq

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?

making a bong out of it

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?

one baby nailed to ten trees

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
Aight, I'm sorry I'm done with those dead baby jokes. I just find it harilious even though i know its still horrible.

Theres 5 black guys in a cadillac driving off a cliff whats the problem?

the car holds 6

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
Theres two kids in 3rd grade: ones white and ones black so who has the bigger dick? The black kid right? But why? Because he's black?

NO because he is 17

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida

for a long weekend to thaw out during one

particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they

had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.

It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida

on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the

next day. Upon arriving, the husband checked into

the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and

send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.

However, he accidentally left off one letter in her

address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his

error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her

husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years

who had been 'called home to glory' following a

heart attack.....

The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages

from relatives and friends.

Upon reading the first message, she fainted, and

fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the

room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the

computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

From: Your Departed Husband

Subject: I've arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I'll see

that everything has been prepared for your arrival

tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. ..... Sure is hot down here!

You can never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get on my level!

Keep them coming. I'll catch you on the flipside.

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
never get on your level? what i dont care about gettin home your level at all, your jokes are too long.

Keep, Keep on truckin' Yeah...Good Stuff

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.'
 
This one is kinda long but I like it.

>A couple goes on vacation to a resort in

>northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the

>crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the

>husband returns after several hours of fishing and

>decides to take a nap.

>

>Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides

>to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,

>anchors, and continues to read her book.

>

>Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up

>alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning Ma'am.

>What are you doing?'

>

>'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking 'isn't that

>obvious?')

 

'You're in a restricted fishing area,' he

>informs her.

>

>'I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.'

>  

>'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know

>you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you

>in and write you up.'

>

>'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual

>assault,' says the woman.

>'But I haven't touched you,' says the game

>warden.

>

>'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all

>I know you could start at any moment.'

 

>'Have a nice day ma'am', he said as he motored away ...

 

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
^ hahahahha so funny

Heres sum stupid 1s-

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

DAM!

What you call 3 white guys in a car?

3 white guys in a car

what you call 3 black guys in a car?

3 black gyus in a car

what you call 3 mexicans in a car?

Grand Theft Auto

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
ok so this guy with a black eye gets onto a train and sits down next to another guy with a black eye. They laugh at the conincidence and the first guys says 'mine was kind of a slip of the tounge. The woman at the ticket counter had really beautiful breasts and i accidentally asked her for a picket to Tittsburg.' The other guy chuckled and then said 'yeah mine was a slip of the tounge to. Instead of asking my wife to pass the cherrios this morning at breakfast i said 'YOURE RUINING MY LIFE YOU FAT BITCH!''

buddy: yeah, I have no idea whats going on.

Bundo: yeah dude, girls are the worst thing to happen to guys but the best thing at the same time
 
> >You Think A Gallon Of Gas Is Expensive?

> >

> >Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ......... $10.32 per gallon

> >

> >Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ....... $ 9.52 per gallon

> >

> >Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ............. $10.17 per gallon

> >

> >Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon

> >

> >Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 ........... $33.60 per gallon

> >

> >Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ......... $178.13 per gallon

> >

> >Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .......... $123.20 per gallon

> >

> >Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ............... $25.42 per gallon

> >

> >Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 ................. $84.48 per gallon

> >

> >and this is the REAL KICKER......

> >

> >Evian water 9 oz for $1.49 ........ $21.19 per gallon.

> >

> >$21.19 FOR WATER! ....and the buyers don't even know the source.

> >

> >So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on

>water,

> >

> >Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid, PEPTO BISMOL or NYQUIL!!!!

> >

> >Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the

>pump...........!

>

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
alright alright im back...

for the canadians:

how do you kill a fox?

cut off it's leg and make it run across canada!

why can't stevie wonder read?

cuz he's black (i may have posted that one)

what do canoes do that jews don't?

TIP hahahahhahaha thats great

whats the difference between a dead cat on the highway and a dead chinaman (or any other race we dont like)

theres skid marks before a cat muahahahahh

 
Why don't witches wear panties?

Better grip on the broom.

What is 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1?

Bo Derek getting older...

10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

12- Pack

A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.''

The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?''

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.''

Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for.

The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''

What do you call a 350-pound stripper?

Broke!

This 1 for the ladys:

60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.

2. Ahh, it's cute.

3. Who circumcised you?

4. Why don't we just cuddle?

5. You know they have surgery to fix that.

6. It's more fun to look at.

7. Make it dance.

8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.

9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?

10. It looks like a night crawler.

11. Wow, and your feet are so big.

12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.

13. It's ok, we'll work around it.

14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?

15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.

16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

17. Oh no, a flash headache.

18. (giggle and point)

19. Can I be honest with you?

20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.

21. Let me go get my tweezers.

22. How sweet, you brought incense.

23. This explains your car.

24. You must be a growing boy.

25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.

26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.

27. Are you one of those pygmies?

28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?

29. Every heard of clearasil?

30. All right, a treasure hunt!

31. I didn't know they came that small.

32. Why is God punishing you?

33. At least this won't take long.

34. I never saw one like that before.

35. What do you call this?

36. But it still works, right?

37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.

38. It looks so unused.

39. Do you take steroids?

40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.

41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?

43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.

44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?

45. Aww, it's hiding.

46. Are you cold?

47. If you get me real drunk first.

48. Is that an optical illusion?

49. What is that?

50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.

51. Were you neutered?

52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.

53. Does it come with an air pump?

54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.

55. Where are the puppet strings?

56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.

57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.

58. Never mind, why bother.

59. Is that a second belly button?

60. Where's the rest of it?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
69

I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

Not everyone's been in a 747!

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

She can't find the eleven

What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?

Women!

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

'Hey, girls,' says the brunette, 'let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know.'

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

'That was fun,' says the brunette. 'We should do it again sometime.'

'No way,' says the blonde. 'I almost got caught.'

Why doesn't the blonde want to drink beer on the beach?

Because she doesn't want to get sand in her Busch.

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.

One blonde yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?'

'You are on the other side,' the other blonde yells back.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
10 Signs That A Kid Is A Nerd

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures.

9. Is overly enthusiastic about 'Dungeons and Dragons' and other role playing games.

8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture.

7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up.

6. Says 'Whom' instead of 'Who.'

5. Is pleased when disruptive individuals are sent to the office, so that they can continue with their learning.

4. Prefers NPR to any music.

3. Gets upset when there is a test or quiz that he did not know about.

2. Rooted for Deep-Blue in the famous chess game.

1. Must be pulled off bridge when not accepted at the college of his choice.

Three couples went to a resturant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table.

'Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?' said the first gal.

'Could you pass me the honey, honey?' said the second.

'Could you pass me the bacon, pig?' said the third.

You're so mamma soooo stupid that she had to call 411 to get the number for 911.

What's the position to make ugly babies?

Ask your parents

You're so anal retentive, you could stick a piece of coal up there and have a diamond in a week!

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!'

i have more just halla!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers at their funerals?

Becasue garbage cans only have 2 handles.

How can you tell if a West Virginia girl is a virgin?

If she can run faster that her brothers.

There were 11 blondes and one brunette on a rope climbing up a mountain. They had nothing to hold them to the rope. The rope began slipping and breaking.The brunette said, ''Girls, I'm going to let go of the rope, since it can't hold all of us. Your lives are more important to me. There are also many more of you...' and she made a big speech about how special they were. At the end, all of the blondes started clapping.

Yo mama's so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job application.

blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?'' The voice answered, ''NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.''

Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the First button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.

Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. 'I'm going back home!' he tells the Iraqi. 'We'll finish these talks in two weeks!'

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

'Forget this,' says Saddam. 'I'm going back to Baghdad!'

Dubya says through tears of laughter, 'What Baghdad?'

One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away.

'Well,' the boy said, 'my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran.'

Afghani TV Guide

MONDAY

8:00 - 'Husseinfeld'

8:30 - 'Mad About Everything'

9:00 - 'Suddenly Sanctions'

9:30 - 'The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show'

10:00 - 'Allah McBeal'

TUESDAY:

8:00 - 'Wheel of Terror and Fortune'

8:30 - 'The Price is Right If Osama Says It's Right'

9:00 - 'Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things'

9:30 - 'Afganistan's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers'

10:00 - 'Buffy The Infidel Slayer'

WEDNESDAY:

8:00 - 'U.S. Military Secrets Revealed'

8:30 - 'When The Northern Alliance Attacks'

9:00 - 'Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread'

9:30 - 'Just Shoot Everyone'

10:00 - 'Veilwatch'

THURSDAY:

8:00 - 'Matima Loves Chachi'

8:30 - 'M*U*S*T*A*S*H'

9:00 - 'Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils'

9:30 - 'My Two Baghdads'

10:00 - 'Diagnosis: Heresy'

FRIDAY:

8:00 - 'Judge Laden'

8:30 - 'Funniest Super 8 Home Movies'

9:00 - 'Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things'

9:30 - 'Achmed's Creek'

10:00 - 'No-witness News'

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper. There was another knock, so he opened the door again. This time, he looked down and saw a small snail.

'Mister, could you spare some change?' the snail said. The man picked up the snail, threw him into the bushes, and went back to reading.

A year later, there was another knock at the door. It was the snail.

'What'd you do that for?'

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
ignore the =20's this is a forward I got today'

A recent study found out which days men=20

prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual

activity on the days that started with the letter 'T'.

Examples of those days are as follows:

Tuesday

Thursday

Thanksgiving

Today

Tomorrow

Thaturday

Thunday

_________________________________

A recent survey was conducted to discover=20

why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:

5% said it was to get a glass of water

12% said it was to go to the toilet

83% said it was to go home

__________________________________

The perfect breakfast.......as a man sees it...

You're sitting at the table and your son is=20

on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and =

your

wife is on the back of the milk carton.

__________________________________

(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?

(A) Nudity

__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

(A) 45 lbs

__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

(A) 45 minutes

__________________________________

(Q) What's the fastest way to a man's heart?'

(A) Through his chest with a sharp knife.

__________________________________

(Q) What do you call a smart blonde?

(A) A golden retriever.

__________________________________

(Q) Why did OJ Simpson move to W. Virginia?

(A) Everyone has the same DNA.

__________________________________

(Q) What' s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

(A) A southern zoo has a description of the=20

animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

__________________________________

(Q) What's the Cuban national anthem?

(A) Row, row, row your boat.

__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a northern=20

fairytale and a southern fairytale?

(A) A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time'.

A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
yeh i dunno if this has been said cuz im to lazy to read all of them ok

me, ghostdragon and dynarider go into a strip club and me and ghostdragon get doughnut eaten off of our dicks so we are walking out and dynarider is sad and we ask him y and he responds they didnt have cheerios

____________________

I Have 01-02 Line 1260 Skis For Sale They Have Been Mounted Twice So There Are Offered To You For The Low Low Price Of $80 MSG Me For More Info
 
lmao hahahaha sum one just got dissed oooooooooooooooooooo

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

'i was walking along and their like you gotta hit it' -Crystal-Needs-A-Park

Are some skiers trying to copy snowboarding?

Tanner: There\'s a small group of people that are doing that, but I think for the most part, there are a bunch of Rollerbladers and skiboarders that are being gay.

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENT INC
 
Not a joke but interesting:

Dont know if its true but its cool.

 

Have a history teacher explain this if they can !

> > > >

> > > >> Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

> > > >> John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

> > > >

> > > >>  Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

> > > >> John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

> > > >

> > > >> Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

> > > >> Both wives lost a child while living in the

> > > >> White House.

> > > >

> > > >> Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

> > > >

> > > >> Both Presidents were shot in the  head.

> > > >

> > > >> Now it gets really weird.

> > > >

> > > >> Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

> > > >> Kennedy's Secretary was named  Lincoln.

> > > >

> > > >> Both were assassinated by Southerners.

> > > >

> > > >> Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

> > > >

> > > >> Andrew Johnson, who succeeded  Lincoln, was born in

> > > >> 1808.

> > > >> Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in

> > > >> 1908.

> > > >

> > > >> John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born

> > > >> in 1839.

> > > >> Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born

> > > >>   in  1939.

> > > >

> > > >> Both assassins were known by their three names.

> > > >

> > > >> Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

> > > >

> > > >> Now hang on to your seat !

> > > >

> > > >> Lincoln was shot at the theater named  'Ford.'

> > > >> Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

> > > >

> > > >> Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their  trials.

> > > >

> > > >> And here's the 'kicker':

> > > >

> > > >> A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe,

> > > >> Maryland.

> > > >> A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn

> > > >> Monroe.

> > > >

> > > >> and Lincoln was shot in a theater and the assassin ran

> > > >> to a warehouse.

> > > >> Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and the assassin ran

> > > >> to a theater.

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
^That's freaky.

******************

Hummingbird style: 70 times in one second.

Does Crichton smoke? Does a bear shit in the woods? -Rex
 
This isn't exactly a joke,but it's an small story for english class that I wrote with my friends. The headline had to be Lost airplane found in jungle..

Lost airplane found in jungle

A Boeing 747 that was last seen in July of 1996 has been found. The plane was located in Southern America in a deep,deep jungle. The plane had crashed because the captain,who is an expert pilot,was getting a blowjob from a flight mistress. 'Yes,296 people died...but it was worth it',said the captain,who parachuted off the plane at the last moment. 'Damn she gave good head.'

******************

Hummingbird style: 70 times in one second.

Does Crichton smoke? Does a bear shit in the woods? -Rex
 


> Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly

> gates.

> 'In honor of this holy season,' Saint Peter said, 'you must each possess

> something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

>

> The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He

> flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.  You may pass through the

pearly

> gates Saint Peter said.

>

> The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.  He

> shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said you may pass

through the

> pearly gates.

>

> The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and

finally

> pulled out a pair of women's panties.  St. Peter looked at the man with a

> raised eyebrow and asked, 'And

> just what do those symbolize?'

>

> The man replied, 'They're Carols.'

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
how do you start an etheopian marathon?

role a donut down a hill

___________________________

I am a bomb technition, if you see me running, try and keep up!

Its always funny until someone gets hurt.....then its hilarious!

G_ F_CK Y_ _R S_LF

Would you like to bye a vowl?
 
How's this for a short story.

A guy can't sell his blood cause he's got hepatitis but the can't afford his hepatitis medicine unless he sells his blood. So, he poses nude for art classes and once he did it with a dead guy.

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
ok three men walk into a bar.... the fourth ducked!

and the best

this grass hopper walked into a bar and sat down and looked at the bartender and the bartender said 'u know what? we got a drink named after you!' and the grasshopper looked at him and said ' why would u name a drink freddy?'

______*______________

A man is as young as the woman he feels.

One truly finds himself on razors edge seperating his genius from his sanity.

 
What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?

A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

___________________

Arguing on the net is like the special olympics, if you win, you're still retarted.
 
Wow I gave up reading all of them so I apologize if this one was said.

A brunett and a blonde are sitting in a bar. The brunett says to the blonde, 'my husband has terrible dandruff, so I gave him Head & Shoulders.'

The blonde replies, 'How do you give shoulders?'

We'll have you dead pretty soon.
 
How many jews can you fit in a cadillac? 2 in the front, 3 in the back and 153 in the ash tray.

VIVA LA FRONTFLIP!
 
^^^ OMG that windows thing was awesome hahaha... its so true too!

- - -

- defying the laws of gravity

- 'im a nutlicker' excerpted from ab_herself's profile
 
Yo' mama so stupid, she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer!

Simple but keep them coming.

'Tipshift is the most sexiest guy I knowed like ever.'-CROYCE

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth

 
there are two muffins in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin 'man its hot in here' and so the other muffin says 'HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!'

 
Uh I got a couple long/retarded ones.

A little boy was walking down the road and found a used condom and picked it up and walked away. A man came up to him and asked if he could have the condom. The little boy says, 'No! it's my Twinkie' so the man offers the boy money and he says, 'No! it's my Twinkie' and the man keeps offering him more and more money. Finally at $100 the boy gives the man the 'twinkie' and walks home. When he gets home he tells his mother he found a Twinkie on the street but sold it, and he has a secret. She asks what the secret is and he yells estatically, 'I SUCKED OUT ALL THE CREAM FILLING BEFORE I SOLD IT! HEHEHE' :x (Don't ask me why the man wanted a used condom'

A very ugly brunette, very ugly redhead, and a drop dead gorguous blonde all go to the 'mirror of truth' If you tell a lie before the Mirror you dissaper forever. So the brunette went up to the mirror and says, 'I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world' and poof she dissapered. Then the redhead goes up to the mirror and says, 'I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world' and poof she dissapered. Then the drop dead gorguous blonde goes up to the mirror and all she could mutter was, 'I think..' and she dissapered.

Yea I know they are stupid. But oh well.

East coast skiing - Sunday River
 
your dad's ass is so hairy i got lost fucking him last night

_____________

Roses are red, violets are blue, i like spaghetti, lets go fuck
 
and another one 'bout black people:

two black guys are sitting on a bench when suddenly an old white lady comes by. when she sees the two black guys she's like 'why the hell do they allways play with matches??'

we must be the first ones in the world to fall off the earth
 
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