JOKE FORUM

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

>

> 1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like

> sports,

> she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips

> and

> dip coming.

> Alan, age 10

>

> 2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to

> marry.

> God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're

> stuck with.

> Kirsten, age 10

> WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

>

> 1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by

> then.

> Camille, age 10

>

> 2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get

> married.

> Freddie, age 6 (Very wise for his age)

>

>

> HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

>

> 1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at

> the

> same kids.

> Derrick, age 8

>

> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

>

> 1. Both don't want any more kids.

> Lori, age 8

>

> WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

>

> 1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know

> each

> other.

> Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

> Lynnette, age 8 (Isn't she a treasure)

>

> 2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually

> gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

> Martin, age 10

>

> WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

>

> 1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the

> newspapers

> and

> make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

> Craig, age 9

>

> WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

>

> 1. When they're rich.

> Pam, age 7

>

> 2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with

>

> that.

> Curt, age 7

>

> 3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry

> them

> and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

> Howard, age 8

>

> IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

>

> 1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never

> going to have sex with my wife.

> I don't want to be all grossed out.

> Theodore, age 8

>

> 2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need

> someone to

> clean up after them.

> Anita, age 9 (Bless you child)

>

> HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

>

> 1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

> Kelvin, age 8

>

> 'And the #1 Favorite is....'

> HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

>

> Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.

> Ricky, age 10

>

>

>

>

KINDA LONG> SORRY

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
^ that was pretty good

dodgeball and nuts = a few guys on the floor crying and many laughing

skiing or sex... good question????

Official Member of the FFC
 
It's Father O'Brien's night to hear confessions, and there are four nuns in the lineup. The first nun goes into the confessional and says, 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I should let you know right off that I touched a man with my finger!'

'Oh lass! 'Tis nothin', you could have been in a crowded elevator or some similar place,' the priest says.

'Oh no, Father!' exclaims the nun. 'I touched him right on his private parts!' >

'You slut! You filthy tart!' screams the good father. 'Say a hundred Hail Mary's and dip your finger in the holy water on the way out of the church!' Which she does.

The second nun enters the confessional and says, 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, and I want to say that I held a man with my hand.'

'Oh lass! 'Tis nothin', you might have stumbled and he lent you a hand,' the priest says.

'Oh no, Father!' exclaims the nun. 'I held his private parts right in my hand!'

'Why you slut! You whore!' roars the good Father. 'Say a thousand Hail Mary's and dip your hand in the holy water on the way out of the church!' Which she did.

At this point, the fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and says, 'Excuse me sister, but would you mind terribly if I went ahead of you?'

'Now why would you be wantin' to do that, I wonder?' asks the third nun.

To which the fourth nun replies, 'Well, it looks as if I'm going to have to gargle with the holy water, and I want to do so before you sit in it!'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
^hahaha...yo tipshift you got good ones man

dodgeball and nuts = a few guys on the floor crying and many laughing

skiing or sex... good question????

Official Member of the FFC
 
on a navy submarine at sea, the sailors were getting restless and horny, and the cabins were getting messy from all the spooge. So someone consults the captain. The captain thinks for awhile then sparks an idea. 'why don't we let the men jerk off into a bucket, then we can send the buckets to candle manufacturers and get paid for it to!' So 2 months later, when the submarine docks at home they find military police waiting for them. 'what seems to be the problem officers?'

'one of your candles got a nun pregnant'

2 Inchers Club
 
that is awesome

$$$$$$The South Will Rise Again$$$$$$

I killed your cat, you druggy bitch!! I thought it would bring closure to our relationship!!!- Boondock Saints

Lagwagon - you are a failure...
 
for those of you who don't like mexicans:

Q- What Would You Call A Mexican Gigolo?

A- Juan For The Money!

Q: Why did the Mexican Spy bug the enemy's Toilets?

A: So he could monitor every movement..

Q: What were the 2 Mexican FireFighting Brother's names?

A: Hose A and Hose B

Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: 'What's in the bags?'

'Senior, It's only sand.' replies Jose.

'Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!'

The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand.

Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border.

Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: 'What you got there?'

'Sand,' says Jose.

A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border.

For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico.

'Hey, Bud,' says the guard, 'I know you're smuggling something. For a year it's driven me crazy. It's all I can think about... I can't get sleep, the kids are getting neglected...heck, even the dog senses I'm beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?'

Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: 'Bicycles...'

Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, 'I'm in the family way.'

The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.

The maid replied, 'Your husband and your son.'

Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.

'Well,' Aimara explained, 'I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit.'

This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan bloke asks him, 'How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?'

The Mexican smiles, 'Senior, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands...'

A leading Mexican inventor has come up with 2 novel inventions in 2002 -

- A Helicopter with an ejector seat and

- A solar powered flashlight.

3 guys, an American, a Canadian, and a Mexican have been on the road for days and were starving. Seeing a farm, with hundreds of fruits they run up to the fruit baskets and start gobbeling as much as they can.

Just then, the Farmer comes out and says: 'Ok, I'm in a good mood today, so I won't kill you...instead, you must stuff 100 of your favorite fruits up your but...WITHOUT laughing....'

So, the American is up first. He choses cherries and reaches 78 before bursting out laughing. The farmer then shoots him.

Next is the Canadian who chooses grapes. He reaches 93 but starts laughing so the farmer has to kill him too.

When the Canadian and the American arrived up in heaven, an angel asked them why they laughed.

They both replied, 'We saw the Mexican with watermelons.'

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?

A dry Martinez.

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

'Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?'

His lovely new bride said, 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not.'

Do you know why you should never run over a mexican on a bicycle?

Might be your bicycle!

Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff?

When the police officer asked him why he'd done it he said, 'Tequila! Tequila!'

Q: Why don't mexicans have barbeques?

A: the beans keep slipping through the grill...

Why did the Mexican become so excited?

He discovered he could use Right Guard under his left arm...

4 Mexicans are in a car. Who's driving?

The police!

Q. How do you keep a mexican busy for hours?

A. Give him a card with 'please turn over' written on both sides.

Q. What Is Gross Ignorance?

A. One Hundred And Forty-Four Mexicans.

Q: Why Do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?

A: So they can take a bubble bath.

Q: Why are Mexicans so short?

A: When they're kids their parents tell them, 'when you grow up you have to get a job.'

Q. Why do Mexicans have noses?

A. So they have something to pick in the off-season.

What do you call four mexicans in a BMW?

Grand Theft Auto

Why don't Mexicans like blowjobs?

They're afraid they'll lose their welfare benefits.

Why do mexicans drive low-riders?

So they can drive and pick lettuce at the same time!

Q. How do you starve a Mexican?

A. Hide thier Food Stamps under their work boots.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin!

What do say to a Mexican with a job?

I'll have fries with that.

Q. Why is semen white and piss yellow?

A. So Mexicans know if they're comin or goin.

How do ya get 30 Mexicans into a phone booth?

Throw in a food stamp!

How do ya get them out?

Throw in a bar of soap!

And let's finish with the lamest ;)

What kind of cans are there in Mexico?

Mexicans.

--------------------------------------

Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
kaks tomaattia käveli tien yli ja toinen jäi auton alle. Mitä tien yli päässyt sanoi toiselee?

-Tule ketsuppi!!!!!!!!!!!

*******************

Hummingbird style: 70 times in one second.

'Nigga Please- from the makers of Cracker Ass-crackers.'
 
Ok......not trying to affend anyone but its a good one........

There is a black and a white guy that work at the same shipping company. The black guy looks at the white guy and says, Do you and your wife have sex alot? the white guy says, A good bit.

the black guy says, me and my wife have sex probably 1 a month. The white guy says, I tell my wife poems. the black guy says, like what? the white guy says, Blondie blondie eyes so blue, you know its true, I love you. the black guy says ok I will try one. The next day the black guy comes in with a black eye and the white guy says what the hell happened to you? the black guy says I tried one of your poems and it didn't work. the white guy says what did you tell her and the black says, Nappy hair Nappy hair eyes like a frog, bend over cause I'm gonna do you like a dog!

***NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND***

'I swear to god if you don't open the door, I WON'T SMOKE MY WEEEEEED WITH EITHER OF YOU TWO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!'
 
What is the difference between a truck filled with dead babies and a truck filled with bowling balls?

You can't get the bowling balls out with a pitchfork.

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
Does anyone know what this means:

kaks tomaattia käveli tien yli ja toinen jäi auton alle. Mitä tien yli päässyt sanoi toiselee?

-Tule ketsuppi!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and

> why?

> Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should

> not live forever, because if we were supposed to live

> forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot

> live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'

> --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

>

> 'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids

> all over the world,I can't help but cry.I mean I'd

> love to be skinny like that, but not with all those

> flies and death and stuff,' --Mariah Carey

>

> 'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very

> important part of your life,'--Brooke Shields, during

> an interview to become spokesperson for federal

> anti-smoking campaign.

>

> 'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part

> of my body,' --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky

> basketball forward.

>

> 'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the

> lowest crime rates in the country,'--Mayor Marion

> Barry, Washington, DC.

>

> 'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through

> our papers. We are the president,' --Hillary Clinton

> commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

>

> 'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death

> by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,'--A

> congressional candidate in Texas.

>

> 'I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great

> country away from them. There were great numbers of

> people who needed new land, and the Indians were

> selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.' --John

> Wayne

>

> 'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'

> --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

>

> 'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.!

> It's the impurities in our air and water that are

> doing it.' --Al Gore, Vice President

>

> 'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.'

> --Dan Quayle

>

> 'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean

> air do we need?' --Lee Iacocca

>

> 'I was provided with additional input that was

> radically different from the truth. I assisted in

> furthering that version,' --Colonel Oliver North, from

> his Iran-Contra testimony.

>

> 'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A

> genius is a guy like Norman Einstein,'-- sports

> analyst.

>

> 'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude

> certain types of people.' --Colonel Gerald Wellman,

> ROTC Instructor.

>

> 'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

> --Bill Clinton, President

>

> 'We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may

> not occur.' --Al Gore, VP

>

> 'Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from

> overseas.' --Keppel Enderbery

>

> 'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992

> because we received notice that you passed away. May

> God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in

> your circumstances.' --Department of Social

> Services, Greenville, South Carolina

>

> 'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack

> in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor

> their heart throughout the night. And the next

> morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a

> record.'

> --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

>

> Feeling smarter yet?

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
A little, short man about 5 foot 5 inches walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bar tender looks and him and says, 'Hey man, you better get out of here with that shirt on.' The man replies 'Why?' The bar tender says well first off it says 'I HATE NIGGERS'. And secondly it's about 10 minutes from now a lot of them come in here from work. The man insists he will be fine. He proceeds to finish his beer, and orders another one. Well right as he is doing so, three blacks walk in and sit down next to him. They order some drinks, and then notice the man's shirt. The first black guy turns to the white man and says what does your shirt say?' The white man turns to the bar tender and says, 'The first thing I hate about black guys is they can't read.' The second black guy turns to him and says, 'What did you say'? The white man again turns to the bar tender and says, 'the second thing I hate about black guys is that they can't hear.' The third black guy (a huge black guy, 6ft 9in, arms the size of dumbbells, really mean looking) turns to the white man and says, 'Would you like to take this outside?' The white man agrees to take it outside. 10 minutes later he returns and sits back down, orders another beer, and says to the bar tender ' The third thing I hate about black guys is that they always bring a knife to a gun fight'.

----------------------

j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
 
A white man walks into a bar and says to the black bartender. 'Nigger, get me a beer.' The bartender replies, 'excuse me?' 'Did you not hear me? I said 'nigger get me a beer.'' The bartender, now very upset, says, 'don't you feel that you should talk like that in this day and age'. 'I will if I want to,' said the white man. 'I'm the one ordering.' The bartender says, 'How would you feel if we changed places?' The white man agrees and goes behind the counter. The black man, now the customer says, 'Cracker Jack ass-hole, get me a beer'. The white man turns to the black man and says, 'We don't serve niggers!'

----------------------

j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
 
A man walks into an antique store and looks around. He spots a shelf with golden statues and a cat statue catches his eye. The salesman tells him it costs $100 for the statue and $50 for the story that comes with it. The man says to hell with the story purchases the cat statue and begins walking home. As he's walking home he notices more and more cats beginning to follow him and he starts running. The cats run behind him, he jumps a fence, so do the cats. Finally he comes by a lake and throws the statue in, the cats follow and drown. The next day the man comes back to the antique store. 'Ah, back for the story aren't you?” He says, 'no, but how much for that golden statue of Martin Luther king?'

----------------------

j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
 
There is an apartment building with 3 floors, on the first floor, an Indian family, on the second floor, a black family, and on the third floor a white family. At 2 PM, the building burns to the ground, which family survives?

The white, because the parents are at work and the kids are at school.

----------------------

j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
 
A magic fairy greets all an American, An African American, and a Mexican. She says because there is three of them, they each get one wish. So the Black guy says, 'I wish that all African Americans would be returned to Africa where they can live happily in their own country.' And the Fairy instantly makes it true. Then the Mexican says, ' I wish that all the Mexicans in America would be returned to their homeland of Mexico where they can live good, happy lives.' With a wave of her wand the fairy makes it true instantly. Then she asks the American what he wants, and he says, 'All the Africans are back in Africa?' And the Fairy replies, 'Yes.' And he says, 'and all the Mexicans are back in Mexico?' and the Fairy says yes again. 'OK,' says the American, 'I'll just have a Coke.'

----------------------

j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
 
^^^^^^^^means:

Two tomatoes were crossing the road and the other one was hit by car. What did the one who got to the other side say to the other?

Come on ketchup!

 
Here's few that I cut 'n pasted

Two atoms were having a conversation.

- I just lost an electrone.

- Are you really sure?

- Yes, I´m positive.

This is the actual radio conversation (released by the chief of naval operations) of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.

CANADIANS: 'Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.'

AMERICANS: 'Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.'

CANADIANS: 'Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.'

AMERICANS: 'This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.'

CANADIANS: 'No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.'

AMERICANS: 'This is the Aircraft Carrier USS LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that´s one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.'

CANADIANS: 'This is a lighthouse. Your call.'

What did a hurricane say to a palmtree?

- Hold on to your nuts, it´s going to be a hell of a blowjob.

 
Pirate Jokes;

What do pirates Smoke?

CIGAAAAAAAARRRSS

So a pirate walks into a bar and the bartender notices that the pirate has a steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants. The bartender says, 'heym you know you have a steering wheel down your pants?' and to this the pirate replies, 'Arrr, its drivin me nuts!!'

=========================

^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'

- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
 
Why did the pirate cross the road?

Do get to his car.

Why did the Pirate hate Moseley?

Duh, don't you?

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
Your mama is so fat to get her through the door they grease it and hold a twinkie on the otherside.

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 


A seven-year-old boy and his four-year-old brother were upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' said the seven year old. 'I think it's about time we start swearing.'

The four year old nodded his head in approval.

'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell, and you say ass, okay?' The four year old agreed with enthusiasm.

The mother walked into the kitchen and asked the seven year old what he wanted for breakfast. 'Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'

WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. The mother looked at the four year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do you want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbered, 'but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios.'

www.freesledding.homestead.com
 


A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.

Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, 'Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him'.

His mom is taken by suprise and says 'Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again.'

The little boy says, That won't work'

His Mom says, 'WHY?'

The little boy replies 'Because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!!'

www.freesledding.homestead.com
 
Did you hear about the Indian that died from drinking tea. yeah, he drowned in his tea pee

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
whoa this forum hasn't been used in a while, but this is a site out of my school joke folder:
http://www.columbia.edu/~sjt59/mr_nice.swf

(It can be very addictive). Mr. Nice does not change so... no need to keep clicking the buttons.

kLAKAMUS hm hm
 
10 Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer

10. When they ask 'How are you today?' Tell them! 'I'm so

glad you asked because no one these days seems to care,

and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up,

my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...'

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them

to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name.

Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them

personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, 'Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!

Judy, how have you been?' Hopefully, this will give Judy

a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out

where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the

Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice

as you can, 'I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?'

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just

filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on 'home incarceration'

and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her

to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that

you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask

them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can

call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they

cannot give out their HOME number, you say 'I guess you don't

want anyone bothering you at home, right?' The telemarketer

will agree and you say, 'Now you know how I feel!'

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

'Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?'

And first and foremost:

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
How do you turn a fox into a bulldog?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.Marry her.

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

He said, 'You must be single.'

The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections she said, 'Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, ''Cause you're ugly.'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
how many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

let's go ride a bike

 
hahahahahahahahahahahaha ahahahahahhah ahahahahahahahahahaahahahahhahahaa ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah vahahahahahhah ahahahahahhah ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah

ahahahahahhah ahahahahahhah ahahahahahhah

omg this forum if so damn funny

 
Whats better then winning a gold metal in the special olympics?

not being retarded at all

How many pall beariers are there at a mexicans funeral?

2, becuase theres only 2 handels on a garbage can

What do you call 1 black man in a bike?

a theif

What do you call 2 black men on a bike?

organized crime

Why did the retarded kids dog kill itself?

you would to if your name was 'puapppyeeeee' (in retarded voice)

what do you call a black man with a hoola hoop?

you call the cops cuz no black man can afford a hoola hoop

Why cant barbie get pregnant?

becuse ken comes in a diffrent box.

Why doesnt jesus play hocket?

hes afraid he will get nailed to the boards.

-Nick Iwanyhsyn

_______________________________________________________________

Canada Represent

'Ski for yourself, do what you want and fuck everyone else'

'Hokey Pokey is one crazy song. When I was 5 in kindergarten I couldnt get those moves down. I think I was discouraged by my israeli background. They just laughed at me...'- mikee

 
i meant to say 'hockey' not hocket

-Nick Iwanyhsyn

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Canada Represent

'Ski for yourself, do what you want and fuck everyone else'

'Hokey Pokey is one crazy song. When I was 5 in kindergarten I couldnt get those moves down. I think I was discouraged by my israeli background. They just laughed at me...'- mikee

 
Hoyl shit those jokes are so funny...or mayde its just cuz im rippped.

I'm out like a fat kid playing dodgeball!
 
so a jewish rabbi and a catholic priest are walking down the street. soon enough they're approaching a kid and the catholic priest turns to his jewish friend, saying 'hey we should go fuck that little kid' to which the jewish man replies 'out of what?'

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a corvette?

I dont have a corvette in my garage.

What do you call 1000 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

not enough sand

 
these 2 foreigners come to america and the first one says 'if we want to fit in, we'd better start eating like americans' and the second one says 'oh there is a .... hot...dog.. stand'

'ok' says the first one 'lets go get some hot dogs'

so they get there food and open up the bag and then the first one shuts it and says

'which part of the hotdog did u get?!?!'

-Ryan

'oh hes from canada we will give him a break on spelling'- dspin7x

'i is frum cehnehdeh tu, feck off.'- cj
 
crap, 'which part of the dog did u get!?!?!?'

-Ryan

'oh hes from canada we will give him a break on spelling'- dspin7x

'i is frum cehnehdeh tu, feck off.'- cj
 
A truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing

in the middle of the road, crying. He brings the truck to a standstill,

rolls down the window, and asks the little man what's wrong.

'I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry,' sobs the little man.

'Well,' says the trucker, 'I can offer you a sandwich, but that's as much

as I can do.'

So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off. A bit later he

has to stop again, because there's a little red man in the middle of the

road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more

impatiently - asks the little man what the matter is.

'I'm red, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm thirsty,' the little man bawls.

So the trucker says, 'I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as

can do.'

He hands a tin of Coke down to the little man and drives off. A little

further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road.

Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, 'Yes, you

silly little blue queer, what fucking planet are you from and what do you

want?'

And the little man answers, 'Your driver's licence, please...'

-Ryan

'oh hes from canada we will give him a break on spelling'- dspin7x

'i is frum cehnehdeh tu, feck off.'- cj
 
me:'do you have any naked pictures of your mom??'

you:'no!'

me:'want to buy some?'

You should belive everything you read on the internet, it's all true.
 
So a wife gets home to find that her husband is swatting flies. He claims that he is fly hunting. She says, 'Wow, and how many have you caught?' He says, '3 men and 2 females.' Surprised, the wife ask how he can tell the gender. He states, 'well there were three on the beer can and two on the phone.'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car.

'235,000 miles.' Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, 'Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
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