JOKE FORUM

Q: What did the kleenex start dancing?

A: Cuz he had a little boogie in him

Q: Why did the cookie start crying?

A: Cuz he was feeling kinda crummy

__________________

A friend will help you move.

A really good friend will help you move a body.

Bombing for Peace is like Screwing for Virginity.
 
why are women's feet small?

so they can stand closer to the sink

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'i jerk off so much that when i have sex with my girlfriend it feels like im cheating on my dick'

Viva la resistance!

'who cares what they think, i'm sure the slaves didn't like the plantation owners, but we all know who was living better.'PHROSTY!

 
How do you get four gay guys on a stool? Turn it upside-down.

~*~§~*~§~*~§~*~§~*~

Oh Golly!

You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
 
did you hear about the mexican who went to collage?

me neither.

whats brown on the outside, brown on the inside and smells like hell.

a mexican family in a brown cadilac.

what do you get when you cross two black guys. your ass kicked.

 
what is black and white and red all over.

A nun that was just beaten.

What is red and taps on window every three seconds?

I baby in a microwave oven.

What's worse than smoking pot with a baby?

Making a bong out of it

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?

The dog plays with it more

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
okay, So I will keep adding jokes even if no one adds any.

American in Mexico

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, ''Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, 'We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop.'

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, 'We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners.'

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says 'Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
So this girl goes to her dad yeah and she says, 'Dad, where did I get my name?' He says, 'Well Rose, when you were born a rose petel fell you your head so we named your Rose.' And then the other sister goes to her dad and asks where she got her name. He said, 'Well Lily, when you were born a lily fell on your head so we named you lily.' The third daughter says, 'bahamanahlahab.' Dad says, 'SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK.'

kLAKAMUS hm hm
 
why dont your parents have sex anymore???

ever try opening a grillec cheese

President of the OTC!

Everybody, Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes. You're burned now, Lateralis! - halo

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260

 
ok so this duck waalks into a bar and says

'you got any bread?'

the bartender syas, 'no this is a bar, no bread'

the duck says'got any bread?'

'no'

'got any bread?'

'no'

'got any bread?'

so the bartender says 'hey duck if you ask one more time i am gonna nail your beak to the bar!!'

then the duck says 'got any nails?'

'no'

'got any bread?'

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'Im talking about a little place i like to call, aspen'

'I dunno lloyd, the french are assholes'

 
What does a chinese pirate say?

SARRRRRRRRS

'if you're in the mafia and they scratch your ass, but you don't scratch their ass back, THEY'LL FUCKING WACK YOU!'-This kid explain why this girl should let him touch her ass,
 
^^that fucking hilarious

dodgeball and nuts = a few guys on the floor crying and many laughing

skiing or sex... good question????

 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the other side.

Q: Why did the monkey cross the road?

A: B/c he was stapled to the chicken.

'Ganjala sesh... wait no, let's Blue Room the muthafuka!'

-PJ
 
btw, lizziebeth didnt say that.

'what can we do to stop this war?'

'Leagalize PORN'

'Its allready legal'

'Not the kind i like'

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team, and NS communist party and OTC. 5th member of the ns underground.
 
why do black people go to eachothers yardsales?

-to get their stuff back

why is stevie wonder always smiling?

-he doesnt know hes black

what do u say when your tv starts floating away at night?

-drop it nigger

why are black people so good at basketball?

-cuz they steal, run and shoot

how do u save a black person from drowning?

-take your foot off his head

what do u call a room with 32 rednecks in it?

-a full set of teeth

did you hear about the jewish guy that got a boner, walked into a wall, and broke his nose?

shit i have so many, but ill stop

'if you have legs and you are flammable...you are never blocking a fire exit'

-Mitch Hedburg
 
how do you know if you are a crackhead.

>if you smoke crack.

what worse than 5 dead babies in a grabage can?

>1 dead baby in 5 garbage cans.

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Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
how do you know if you are a crackhead.

>if you smoke crack.

what worse than 5 dead babies in a grabage can?

>1 dead baby in 5 garbage cans.

--------------------------------------

Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
What do you call a freerider without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What is the difference between a snowboard and a vacuum?

The position of the dirt bag

What is the difference between Moseley and a beginner?

3 Days

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.

He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, 'Hello ladies!'

 
The Geography of a Woman

Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

The Geography of a Man

Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.

 
so a lady from palistine and man from mexico get married. They have twins the mom says, 'look I want to keep some of my heritage in my sons. Let's name one Amal.' THe husband agrees and names teh other Juan after his heritage. Some time goes by and the gradparents call and say, 'Look you keep sending us pictures of Juan but we have not seen the other yet.' And the father says, 'Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal.'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
a skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop..

why are asprin white?

Because they work.

*CLASSIC*

whats black and white and read all over?

a newspaper

|B|r|y|a|n|

www.|S|a|S| films.com

www.zealoptics.com
 
three people are in a plane . a chinese man a puerto rican and an american. they all have extra stuff in their country so ...

the chinese man says 'we have too much of this in our country' and throws out the door some rice

the puerto rican says 'we have too many of these in our country' and throws oout the door a few goats.

the american says 'we have WAY to many of these in our country' and throws out the door the puerto rican.

|B|r|y|a|n|

www.|S|a|S| films.com

www.zealoptics.com
 
Attorney General John Ashcroft is visiting an elementary school. After the typical civics presentation, he announces, 'All right, boys and girls, you can all ask me questions now.'

A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says, 'I have 3 questions:

1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?

2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil liberties?

3. Why hasn't the US caught Osama Bin Laden yet?'

Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground. Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back into class and again Ashcroft says, 'I'm sorry we were interrupted by the bell. Now, you can all ask me questions.'

A young girl raises her hand and says, 'I have 5 questions:

1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?

2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil liberties?

3. Why hasn't the US caught Osama Bin Laden yet?

4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?

5. Where's Bobby?'

I love you tipshift marry me-lizziebeth
 
But theres no humour to racism, sexism or ageism.

So if you find it funny, grow a conscience.FUCKS.

HOMOSEXUALITY RULES!
 
What gets louder the smaller it gets?

A baby in a trash compactor.

=========================

^Rowen^

Why?

'You're watching the Family Learning Channel. And now, angry ticks will fire out from my nipples.'

- Excerpt from Rejected, a movie by Don Hertzfeldt
 
Ground Control and Tipshift's last ones were pretty good

dodgeball and nuts = a few guys on the floor crying and many laughing

skiing or sex... good question????

Official Member of the FFC
 
racist jokes suck so bad... do you not have a conscience telling you that is wrong?

trust me, the '' things aren't actually there

'Know this now, you are only killing a man'-Che Guevaras last words

 
How many jews can you fit in a car:

2 in the front, 3 in the back and 150 in the ashtray.

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

Pizzas dont scream when they go in the oven.

Bush and Saddam are having a confrence in Iraq. Bush is talking when Saddam pushes a button on his chair. A boxing glove comes out of his chair and hits bush in the face. Bush, getting angry, continues talking. Soon Saddam pushes another button, and a foot comes out of his chair and kicks Bush. Furious, Bush stands up and says, 'Im going back to America.' A couple weeks later, Saddam comes to America to apologize to Bush. While Saddam is talking, Bush pushes a button on his chair, Saddam flinches, but nothing happens. Saddam keeps talking, and Bush pushes another button. Once again Saddam flinches, but nothing happens. Finnaly Saddam gets up yelling 'Im going back to Iraq!' and Bush says 'What Iraq?'

Proud member of the NS Ogre Team.

Member of NS t.A.T.u. fanclub!
 
what to you call a white wave going down a hill? an avelanche

what do you call a black wave going down a hill?

a jail break

 
a man walked into a bar...ouch!

hahahah ( i know its not funny, but i wnted to contribut something)

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'the walrus is in the barn' - Brad holmes

'the bible is the most shoplifted book in the united states' - Froggy
 
two guys walk into a bar, you'd think the second one would've seen it.

Proud member of the NS Ogre Team.

Member of NS t.A.T.u. fanclub!
 
what do you call a huge fag

lagwagon.

--------------------------------------

Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
i have no concience.

--------------------------------------

Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your pool?

BOB

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your door?

MATT

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your bathroom?

JOHN

kLAKAMUS hm hm
 
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