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Here's another funny story:
A few days ago I beat the living shit out of a kitten that lives in a tire behind my house. I was pissed off after my brother broke my Nintendo by sticking his penis in it, so I took it out on the kitten. That bitch better watch his self before trying anything.
After beating up the cat, I realized something was happening to me. It wasn't anything I could describe, just something....amazing. I could feel a force of unimaginable power and clarity welling up inside me. I reached down and grabbed an old, rusty can of A&W soda and a beam of light so powerful and beautiful arched up from the old can.
I was a jedi.
I finished punching the kitten in the ribs and ran into my house and threw on some sheets in the form of a robe. In my haste and excitement, I grew a huge erection, which swelled to immense proportions, a response to what I can only assume was the Force powers growing inside me.
I ran out into the street with my huge erection and A&W rootbeer can Light Saber and began slicing and killing everyone I saw, so they could appreciate that I was a jedi. I was running up walls like Neo and flipping off cars like Magnum P.I. Soon the power within me allowed visions of the future. What I saw will never leave my mind for a million generations. I saw a response paper that was due the next day, laying unfinished in my room during classtime that next day. Tears flowed freely from eyes as my erection shrank back down and I lost the will to continue my rampage of Jedi prowess.
I returned to my room, kicking that piece of shit kitten in the ribs as I walked by. I made some Easy-Mac and sat down to write my paper. As I stared at my pen, I felt that familiar urge, the Force, growing inside me. I looked at my pop can sitting next to my desk and though, "Soon, Luke, Soon."
Fin.
