Is this too hardcore to hand in?

Holy shit, (s)he's back.

But yeah, I'm not trying to be badass or anything. It just came out of my head and I didn't know if it might be over the top. But my teacher's pretty cool, so I'm goign to hand it in.
 
you say you are gonna write about college but the rest of the intro has nothing much to do with college and more of what was before college. the before college stuff should come after your intro paragraph. like it has been said before more focus in your intro and/or change your topic sentence. also many of my professors said do not tell me what you are gonna write about just write it. when you say i am gonna write about it(college) anyway. that is a poor topic sentence.
 
I think you're probably right about this. Although I have edited my intro paragraph to be more focused it still has that line in it. I think it sounds pretty good so I might keep it in, but I probably should consider taking it out...
 
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