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Inter Regional Memorandum
To: All Midwest Skiers
From: Matthew moline
Subject: Layering: The shift from warmth to style
Date: 3/24/2008
When you think of layering clothing for skiing, which
crosses your mind? All these layers are going to keep me warm, or man, I look
so thug with all these layers on.
If you would have
answered with the first response, you are defiantly an old school skier. Which
means you think a screaming semen is about the most technical trick you can
perform and you’ve spent hours perfecting your double twister to spreader.
Along with this mentality comes the old saying, if you get hot you can always
take something off (and in your case, tie it around your waist), but you can’t
put on what you didn’t bring to the mountain. Your idea of layering is a pair
of long underwear, wool socks, a long sleeve t-shirt, a wool sweater, a pair of
tight snow pants, and finally a jacket. You also think that sunglasses look way
better than any pair of goggles, and the only hat that should ever be worn to a
ski hill is a cowboy hat. Don’t think your skiing skills alone are enough to
catch the attention of that snow bunny going up the lift, why not wear as many
shades of neon as possible just to make sure her eyes stay focused on your gyrating
hips. Buy her a beer at the chalet later and there is no way your going home
alone ever again.
If you happened to answer with the second response, you
are a true G. You are rocking all the latest tricks: hand drags, cab spins, and
double flips. Your philosophy with layering is to make sure everyone thinks you
got a nine mil shoved into some parts of your XXXXL snow pants. Your idea of
layering goes like this: longest of your tall ts on first (most likely white),
basketball jersey of your favorite team, middle length tall t (one that is
shorter than the white one, and this time it has to be a color that contrasts
your jacket), shortest tall t (that works with the color below it), bandana,
XXXL Jacket unzipped, stocking hat, over sized mirror Oakley goggles (sagging of
course). You aren’t out on the hill to attract women, just to show how much of
a bad-ass you can dress like. You only wear bright colors, so that your boys
can watch you hucking yourself off show time. Just make sure to hide that fact
you still live in your parents’ house in the suburbs, and the only time you
have seen the ghetto was on the news.
Skiing is a sport for all to enjoy whether you are hitting
the moguls or hitting the jumps, remember layering is important no matter what
you do it for.
