I thought Canada was too cold for...

BigJew

BigJew

Active member
I thought Canada was too cold for killer death spiders of evil. Seriously, I live in the mountains of beautiful British Columbia, the only thing growing here should be weed, pine trees, and samsquanches.

I was taking a shit, and a fucking black widow climbs up the wall beside me. It was shiny black with a red hourglass and it scared the shit out of me. I didn't get a picture because it was dead faster than you could say Toilet Paper.

Then I open the door into my garage and dangling inches away from my head is this monstrosity. It's the biggest spider I've ever seen in Canada or the US and it explains the lack of the former fly infestation of my garage. It's pretty friendly and it cleaned up the garage so I'm going to let it live. I've named it Douglas.

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That's my extra meaty pinky in there for size reference. The pictures are kinda blurry but the camera is a piece of shit and the garage is dark.

 
There was a spider of that caliber in the Bahamas. We named him Derick and fed him flies and bees and stuff, he was such a badass.
 
I fucking hate spiders. If i saw that crawling up the wall i would have bolted out of the bathroom shitty ass and all.
 
They found 3 black widows here in quebec in the past two weeks in fruits frome Chile. It's not somthing we see everyday and i'm glad cuz i fucking hate spider too
 
haha you named a spider! that might be the funnest thing i have heard all ++++karma for making me laugh.
 
there's a few black widows in abbotsford, i know that. i like spiders, they're really helpful critters to have around. i used to have a pink-toed tarantula, he was really cool.
 
know how you feel. there was this giant 3ft. circular web always popping up between this tree and our shed. everyone kept walking through it and within hours it'd be back up. we finally found the beast. second picture wont send to email that shows its leg span so heres one.

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me and a couple friends named a cinnapeed and a spider. put them in the bath tub, and two hours later our spider was eating our cinnapeed :( sad times. sad sad times.
 
Check around your toilet, black widows are known to hide in toilets, dont want a black widow biting your ass. And im not joking.
 
the vast majority of toilet black widow bites are not on the ass.

think about it, you sit down to drop a shit and something dangles in and invades your space. what do you think is going to get bitten.

as far as big ass spiders are concerned, we've got some huge dock spiders up at my cottage. we found one last weekend that was about half the size of my hand. hopefully i can get a pic of one this weekend.
 
I don't know what they are but down in my florida house we always see these huge ass spiders in the shed. No joke they're the size of my hand, and they always freak me out because i HATE spiders.

We also have rats that get in there, which is unfortunate for them because they all get eaten by the 5 ft long snake that also lives in there
 
you should probably light that shed on fire. it seems to be infested with the 3 worst things on the planet...
 
Because even though a certain level of idiocy is expected here on NS, his butchering of a rather simple word is aggravating.
 
i heard a story about a white missionary staying on a farm in guatemala

he was taking his daily shower when unbeknown to him a scorpion crawled onto the inside of his towel

after he was all finished he grabs his towel and wraps it around his waist and PING

stung on the bare butt by a scorpion.

he proceeds to run out of the bathroom screaming at the top of his lungs and giving a little "show" for the farmworker and his family

the white missionary caught the next flight out of the country

and the farmworkers children are still in counseling for seeing a naked white man

 
i have a phobia of that happening if im in a port a potty, either that or a snake.

but i've never seen a black widow but i hear their mad scary and real deadly
 
what the hell is wrong with big spiders and 5-foot snakes? but i agree with you on the rats, rats are shit.
 
aw damn I DID want to move to canada and the lack of creepy crawlies was a plus, but now I guess I have to go further north than previously planned. Alaska?
 
Apparently the black widows here aren't that dangerous. They don't get really big in Canada. A friend got bitten by one and he freaked the hell out and rushed to the hospital, he said it was the worst pain he'd ever felt through his whole arm but the doctors said that they didn't get big enough here to kill you. He was fine, apparently the big ones can temporarily paralize you with the worst pain ever through your entire body even if they don't kill you.
 
i grew up in southern california and we had rattlers and black widows all over our yard

brown recluses too.

but those little guys are awesome cause the will actually hunt and kill a black widow that intrudes on it's hunting ground
 
you as well as many others obviously skipped reading the entire thread and also skimmed through the first post
 
I know black widows are getting popular due to the warming weather in Canada. The worst spider for me is the big orange one...it has a huge ass and when you break the web, it cracks
 
I swear... probably us Californians, as well as the Australians are the only people that are typically not a pussy around spiders, and other deadly creatures of evil and death and blackness.

Mainly because we have all the poisonous snakes, and deadly spiders, and rabid animals.

I say California, Africa, and Australia join forces, and take over the world by unleashing our deadly wildlife into people's houses. It could be fun!
 
I never knew black widows lived that far north west.

Dock spiders scare the shit out of me, I never knew we had spiders that big in ontario until I went on a canoe trip when i was 12.
 
dude, you have no idea, on our floating dock has a fucking colony, needless to say, i dont use it much
 
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