I slept with my best friend's wife.

Good_Deed

Good_Deed

Active member
I need some help here I have no idea what to do. My friend is in the navy and his wife calls me when he is out on service and she needs help doing jobs around thier house. She called me Saturday around 5 to see if I could help her out so I went over and after the job was done she was like want to have some drinks, I said sure, well we drank a little to much and I can recalls bits and peices from the night. But when I woke up I was in their bed with her and we were both naked. She was already awake and she looked at me and said that was fun. I said we didn't did we , and she says back we sure did. I start to freak out and she said oh take it easy your not the first guy that had spent the night here. Meaning she sleeps with other guys when my friend is away. So I'm stuck I can't ask my friends for help because we all know each other. How do I tell my friend his wife is cheating I him and I was one of the guys she did it with ?
 
Call him hysterically freaking out and tell him how whorish his wife is and beg for his forgiveness.

In the long run, you've done him a favor but the next few months is going to really suck for everyone.

 
These situations are tough, but really the wife should be telling him, not you. Your friend is probably going to hate you no matter who actually tells him, maybe be prepared to have a decent response when he does find out instead of just coming out and telling him.
 
clearly by the story the wife does not plan on telling the husband considering she has slept with more than 1 person while the husband is away
 
Clearly you're fucking 15 and have no idea what you're talking about.

It doesn't matter if shes going to or not, its not really his place to tell his buddy is wife is cheating on him. She should be telling him and she wont tell him then maybe eventually the buddy could do something, but this isn't some highschool relationship where slut 1 cheated on bro 1 with bro 2 and bro 3 tells bro 1 about it.
 
If I joined the army and came home to find out my wife had been fucking other dudes when I was gone, I would just straight up kill her
 
I don't know man, I don't thin it's such a cut and dry "whose line is it now" scenario. OP has a clear moral dilemma and there are no easy ways out. At this point though, the wife isn't going to tell hubby. Ever. If I were the husband I'd want my friend to tell me even if it destroyed our friendship and my marriage- he's potentially saving me from catching some STI from my whore wife who is also back home burning up my enlistment money taking other dudes out to dinner and fucking them in my bed, which is just about the most horrible thing you can do to another person you supposedly love.

Maybe they have an arrangement and he will put OP at ease, who knows? In any case though, I could never carry that shit around. I'd have to fess up to my friend and tell him everything I know even if it meant him hating my guts. He deserves to know.
 
I think you need to say to her, "tell him, or I will." He needs to know, and it should come from her, but if she won't own up to it then you'd be a bad friend to keep him in the dark.

As for your part in this, you fucked up. Big time. Don't try to shirk the responsibility. She didn't take advantage of you. You got drunk with her, and you let yourself get beyond the point where the logical part of your brain could interfere. You also chose not to take caution in the face of some apparently latent attraction to her. It's not entirely your fault, but you are at fault.

The adult thing to do is to stand up tall, own your mistake, and face the consequences. Don't make any excuses, don't dodge, don't try to make him look on any bright side. Tell him the whole truth, including your feelings about the ordeal, and deal with what comes next. Make clear to him how sorry you are and how much you'd like to be back on good terms with him when he's ready. The rest is up to him. That's the best way to make it right.
 
If OP had found out that his friends wife was cheating with someone else and not OP, then yeah you'd potentially be right. But in this case OP is half the problem, it's a bit of an ethical dilemma.
 
Not at all required. I want to tell him but I'm scared to every say she is cheating , and fucking scars out of my mind to say how I found out.
 
Yeah except bitches like that will ALWAYS lie when put on the spot. When it comes to cheating, all the times I've had to deal with it I had already headhunted for answers before I ever ask her- That is, I won't even bother asking if I don't already KNOW 100% the full reality- just so I know how full of shit she is when she lies.

I'd tell him. Fuck her, she deserves nothing but a boot to the curb and a loogey to the face.
 
If the movies have taught us anything, it's that time and lies are your worst enemy. Tell him the entire truth, and do it as soon as possible. Give the wife a chance to do it, but give her a deadline of when you're GOING to talk to him. Even if she does talk to him, you should too.
 
First of all you don't know that about her. You're probably right, but neither of us know her at all, so we can't be sure.

Secondly, maybe that's a good addendum as well. OP, get the details. One way or another find out all the facts and make sure you can prove them, so that if she lies, you can show him the truth. But I think it's important to give her, his wife, the opportunity to do the right thing, so that if she doesn't, she has absolutely no defense.
 
Honestly- not trying to be a dick here but that's what you get for being so immature and losing control of yourself. You drove over the bridge, man up and pay the toll.
 
lol, it's not a fact of knowing what I'm talking about, rather just not being retarded and being able to read and comprehend sentences fucking retard
 
What is there to know? She fucked his best friend and it wasn't the only guy she's cheated on him with- she even dismissed it as if it was nothing!

Those are really all the details I'd need. She already had an opportunity to do the right thing in not fucking other people. Why are you so defensive of her actions when they are so incredibly callous and selfish? She has afforded her husband none of these concessions and yet you feel she should be entitled to something at this point? I say fuck no. Put this bitch on blast and let her sizzle. She made that bed, and I for one say she should be forced to lay in it. Period.
 
Honestly even though it sounds cold hearted, I agree. I have changed what I used to think after seeing this situation in real life both in and outside of my family. No one wins in this situation, everyone just ends up depressed and both parties feel tremendous guilt.

It's not imperative to tell him, and furthermore it is not everyone else's responsibility to decide whether or not they should completely fuck their lives up. There, I said it. It is your responsibility to cease said acts and start being the best friend you can again to make it right. If their relationship is genuine this can and will work itself out as his wife matures, and she might even confess to him one day on her own after finding a way to keep his trust while doing so. For example, if my wife came up to me today and told me that a few years ago she made a mistake like that, I honestly think our relationship could survive it and we could work through it relatively easily. If my bro or some girlfriend of hers did....who knows...

As I've said I also have experienced the other option. Immediate divorce, all friends turn on each other, extreme depression in some cases, it's not worth it! For what? Sex? Fuck that kids, it's sex. A marriage can overcome that if it's done properly. If you turn this into the Real World then I can almost guarantee everyone in the situation will end up miserable and alone.
 
Ironic username.. but yeah tell him straight up. Your friendships demise is inevitable and perhaps his marriage. Shitty situation all around man. Good luck OP we believe in you.
 
I was just going to post this.

OP do what others have said, wait to see if she confesses without telling her you are going to be upfront, then tell your friend a.s.a.p. It seriously will be for the better, and if said wife is mature enough, they can work through this granted your friend doesn't divorce or something.
 
Woah woah woah, I am not being defensive of her actions. She sounds like a cold-hearted bitch, and it seems to me that if you give her the opportunity to do the right thing, she'll shit all over that opportunity. I'm just saying that we don't know her so we can't know that for sure. We can make an educated guess, but we can't know. That's all. What I'm saying is that if OP gives her the opportunity to step up, and she does shit all over that opportunity, then she has no leg to stand on. She'll have no way to defend herself. She'll have fucked up every single aspect of this.

Put another way, she won't be able to say to the husband, "I was going to tell you! I was just struggling with the guilt, I'd never hurt you," etc. etc. If you give her this opportunity, she has two options: take the high road, or crucify herself. There's no gray area to hide in. See what I'm saying?
 
Meh I can see the angle, but I'm a stickler for honesty.

I'd rather live a fucking terrible truth than a convenient lie and have absolutely done so several times throughout my life- I'm infinitely stronger of a person for doing so. IMO it's never too early to find out your gf/wife is a cheating, lying whore- only too late! She does not deserve his trust right now, plain and simple. The fact that he's out defending the country and she's home taking dick from strangers is completely fucked. Yes, it's just sex... Until she gets knocked up or catches a disease and gives it to him. See, it's not up to everyone else "whether or not to fuck their lives up"... She already took care of that, and it is absolutely his business. Period. Whether or not she deserves his forgiveness is up to him, but any friend that would let him live that lie is no friend!

 
Okay, and then what happens to the innocent husband? He suddenly stops loving her and gets remarried in 2 months to a loving wife with a dog in the mountains right?

Or maybe he ends up like a lot of these cases as a lonely divorced man who still secretly loves his wife but his FRIENDS told him it's wrong to do so. Do you actually know how difficult it is to talk someone through that kind of pain? Especially a close friend or family member?

It is not your responsibility to make a life altering, heartbreaking, and possibly severely psychologically damaging decision for someone else. If this can be mended before it's broken it is easily the best option in my opinion.

Talk to his wife about how both of you fucked up, don't blackmail her like some other morons suggested, and figure out how you can both be better to him.
 
I completely understand that, and I can relate in many ways. I simply don't think immediately throwing in the towel is the best course of action at this point.
 
Yeah but we do. OP freaked out the morning after and she was all "Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff bitch please"

Besides if an apology/confession is forced, it wasn't because she felt guilt or remorse, it's because you're going to tell on her - and it doesn't mean shit. You're literally giving her the opportunity to come up with bullshit and sugarcoat a situation into something it wasn't and that's all that will happen, I promise you. Anyways, I'm not going to beat this dead horse- I've spoken my peace and I believe OP owes his best friend an ASAP confession. The guy is out getting shot at and his wife is home handing it out left and right? Fuck no. Have your boy's back for fuck's sake.

 
You need to tell him. I wouldn't give her a deadline to tell him first cause she obviously is a lying woman so expect her to lie to her husband and try to pin this all on you. I wouldn't expect her to own up to all of it.

You gotta tell him you had sex with her first, then you tell him shes been doing this with multiple guys. I feel like in your position that is the proper way to do it. You can't be like "You're wife is cheating, I know this cause I fucked her and she told me this isn't the first time"

Good luck with this, this is a shitty situation. Don't try to find a good solution to this, cause there is none. Only bad solutions and worse solutions.
 
Cheating!!! How I hate that word. The ultimate form of betrayal. No one wins in this situation. If you tell your friend, your done being friends with him. What you did was shitty man. Bang your best friends wife while he is away in the service??? I don't care how much you had to drink, that is no excuse. My wife had a year long affair with her "friend". Let me tell you, the amount of pain I felt, and still feel on a daily basis, I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

My best friend passed away years ago. The pain from the affair is and was 10x more then when my friend passed away.

It is a nightmare that I don't wake up from. A living nightmare of pain and depression.

 
Yep. Almost literally this situation actually- A friend of mine was on deployment in Afghanistan when his wife got knocked up and had an abortion. He would still be with that lying cunt if we hadn't told him.

Several other friends have gone through the cheating divorce deal too... I'm old so I've seen more than my fair share at this point in my life. Never easy but nobody deserves to be duped into such a shitty, one-way relationship IMO. By being party to it, you're literally doing it to him too- you're letting it happen. I dunno, just how I feel about it. People are too full of shit these days and nobody wants to create waves in the pool no matter how many people are drowning.

 
I know I have to tell him , and it sucks. Thing is I don't want to tell him while he is gone I want to tell him in person and that means waiting til he is home.

I know it takes two to have sex I'm at fault here as well , but that wasn't out first time drinking together. Nothing ever happened in the past so something like what happened never even crossed my mind.
 
sorry dude but you are a shity person and a shitty friend. you cant really just blame it on being drunk, you obviously need to fix some things in your life and i wish you the best of luck, talking to someone might help but id just be prepared to find some new friends
 
Older married member with a sons opinion here.

I think you need to tell him and accept the fact that you may lose your friend.

It is up to him to decide what to do with the information, but honestly, this type of woman does not "mature" in her relationship. We're not talking a girlfriend, we are talking about a wife, whom has been unfaithful multiple times with different people and shows zero remorse or care. She has showed zero consideration for the "relationship" and your friend deserves to know.

I also don't feel that her the opportunity to come clean will accomplish anything productive and will likely work against you. You are not going to come out looking like the good guy no matter what, but honesty is the best policy.
 
No. He needs to tell her. He has already messed up everyones lives. Its not like by not telling this will just go away. Be a man, own up. Youve probably lost this friend but thats the unfortunate consequence of your actions.
 
Man up and tell him the truth. If you care about him enough, then by sacrificing your friendship, in the end it will make his life better because he won't be married to a cheating whore anymore.

Don't try to redeem yourself by making up shit excuses like "I was sooo shit faced, I had no idea what was going on." It will make you sound like an even bigger tool, because what you did was pretty toolish.

If you want to redeem yourself, take the high road and apologize to all of the people you've hurt.
 
I agree with you for the most part, but this is a tough one. How does OP deal with his best friend when he comes home? There is no way to pretend that it didn't happen. I'm not saying he should out the wife, but this relationship is going to be strained to say the least and the best friend is going to know that something happened.

I had a similar situation. My roommates and I were living the conquerors life in Vail. We had this "no girl is off limits" kind of pact when we all moved in together. Well I hooked up with a girl that one of my roommates was seeing. Yes, I could blame it on being drunk, but I knew what I was doing. When he found out he told me that he had really believed that she was the girl he was going to marry. We were really good friends before this, he said he could never forgive me, he moved back home to Virginia and we never spoke again.

OP can try blaming this on being drunk, but then he will have to ask himself why he went out and got wasted with his best friend's wife in the first place. Doesn't make him a bad person, but it will definitely make it tough to be straight with his friend.

 
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