I put on my Robe and Wizard hat

AHHAAHAHAH "Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass." holy fuck thats the funniest thing ive heard in a while. made my day
 
i am dedicating my 1225 post to this thread. to many it may not seem like much, but to myself and a close few on NS, this is the number of all numbers

bloodninja pwns e-bitches
 
This is apparently him too, there was another one after but it sucked alot.....and was kinda creepy.

VictimX_27: Hi there!

cheesedog: HEYA!

VictimX_27: What u up 2?

cheesedog: Nice English.

cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus?

VictimX_27: Get fucked

cheesedog: I'm just joking relax

cheesedog: What's your name?

VictimX_27: Whats yours?

cheesedog: I asked you first.

VictimX_27: I asked you second

cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school?

VictimX_27: huh

cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny

cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog

VictimX_27: Thats not your real name

cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name?

VictimX_27: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name

cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it?

VictimX_27: Nothin i suppose

VictimX_27: Is that your real pic in that av?

cheesedog: Yes it is

VictimX_27: Very handsome

cheesedog: Thanks

VictimX_27: You kinda look like eminem

cheesedog: Fuck you.

VictimX_27: HEY! I meant that in a good way

VictimX_27: I think eminem is hot!

cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot?

VictimX_27: Yeah

cheesedog: What do you look like?

cheesedog: Do you have a pic?

VictimX_27: I don't show my picture to anyone

cheesedog: Why not?

VictimX_27: Cause I'm ugly

cheesedog: I won't make fun of you

VictimX_27: Its not that. I just don't like my looks

cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh?

cheesedog: Is that what you're saying?

VictimX_27: I just don't think I'm pretty

cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that.

VictimX_27: Nahhh

cheesedog: Then describe yourself.

VictimX_27: Why do u wanna know what I look like?

cheesedog: Because I think you're nice

cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to you.

VictimX_27: LMAO!! You don't want 2 picture me. Trust me

cheesedog: Why not?

VictimX_27: I told you. I'm ugly.

cheesedog: Well... I think you're beautiful on the inside.

VictimX_27: You don't even know me

cheesedog: I'm a pretty good judge of character

VictimX_27: Then why do u need 2 see me?

cheesedog: I just wanted to know thats all

cheesedog: If you aren't comfortable with it... thats fine.

VictimX_27: You don't understand

cheesedog: Is it that bad?

VictimX_27: YESSSSS

cheesedog: Ok then. I'm gonna picture you as Weezy from the Jeffersons.

cheesedog: She is the bomb!

cheesedog: She makes me hot just thinking about her!

VictimX_27: Wheezy?

cheesedog: Yep. Weezy.

VictimX_27: Who is that?

cheesedog: George's wife.

VictimX_27: Who is george

cheesedog: George Jefferson. From the Jeffersons.

cheesedog: Are you fucking deaf?

VictimX_27: Who are the Jeffersons?

cheesedog: Oh lord. Here we go

VictimX_27: wut?

cheesedog: You don't know who the Jeffersons are?

VictimX_27: Should I?

cheesedog: Yes.

VictimX_27: Well I don't.

cheesedog: FISH DONT FRY IN THE KITCHEN! BEANS DONT BURN ON THE GREEEELL...

VictimX_27: huhhh?

cheesedog: TOOK A WHOOOOLE LOTTA LU UH VINNNN. JUST TO GET UP THAT HEEEELL

VictimX_27: Wut the hell are you saying?

cheesedog: Hold on a second

cheesedog: Here you go. *PIC*

VictimX_27: Thats her?

cheesedog: Yep

VictimX_27: I don't look anything like that

cheesedog: SHUT UP! You're ruining my fantasy!

VictimX_27: LOL. You're funny.

cheesedog: What's funny?

VictimX_27: u r

cheesedog: I'm glad I entertain you

VictimX_27: me 2

cheesedog: So if you don't look like Weezy, what do you look like?

VictimX_27: u don't give up do u?

cheesedog: Never

VictimX_27: I'm the exact opposite of her

cheesedog: ???

VictimX_27: I'm very white

cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista'

VictimX_27: LOL

cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess.

VictimX_27: I'm whiter than most

cheesedog: really?

VictimX_27: I'm an albino

cheesedog: a what?

VictimX_27: u don't know what that is?

cheesedog: I've heard the word before

VictimX_27: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair

VictimX_27: So I'm all white

cheesedog: This is bullshit

VictimX_27: I'm serious!

VictimX_27: You've never seen an albino before?

cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia?

VictimX_27: No, we live all over.

cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any

VictimX_27: Lucky I suppose

cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino looks like.

VictimX_27: I'll send you a picture of one but not me

cheesedog: Ok

VictimX_27: Here u go *PIC*

cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky

VictimX_27: See why I don't send my picture out?

cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it.

cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly

cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually.

VictimX_27: Thank u

cheesedog: No problem

cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like.

VictimX_27: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours?

cheesedog: Yes

VictimX_27: I have to go to the mall with my sister

VictimX_27: Will you be here when I get back?

cheesedog: S ure. Then I'll sex you up.

VictimX_27: Gee thanks. LOL

cheesedog: I'm serious

VictimX_27: We'll see.

cheesedog: Yes we will.

VictimX_27: Bye for now!

cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen.

VictimX_27: About 3 hours later...

VictimX_27: HEY!

cheesedog: Hello there

VictimX_27: I'm back

cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?

VictimX_27: Yeah. I got some new shoes

cheesedog: Interesting

VictimX_27: Not really. Just shoes

cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?

VictimX_27: LOL

cheesedog: Is that a yes?

VictimX_27: Could be

VictimX_27:

cheesedog: HOT DAMN!

cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples

cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your..

VictimX_27: WOAH! Slow down cowboy

cheesedog: Why?

VictimX_27: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want

cheesedog: What do you mean?

VictimX_27: You're not going to ignore me later are you?

cheesedog: Of course not.

cheesedog: I like you.

VictimX_27: I don't even know how old you are.

cheesedog: I'm 27. Now....

cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands

cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers

VictimX_27: WAIT!

cheesedog: They get hard again... what?

VictimX_27: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?

VictimX_27: Like what I like?

cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.

VictimX_27: That didn't sound convincing.

cheesedog: YES I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW!!!

VictimX_27: Now u r being a smartass

VictimX_27: Just give me a minute

cheesedog: ok

VictimX_27: I'm back

cheesedog: np

VictimX_27: thank you

cheesedog: So what do you like?

VictimX_27: Ummmm being licked

cheesedog: Where?

VictimX_27: Everywhere

cheesedog: Any place in particular?

VictimX_27: uhhh yeah

cheesedog: tell me

VictimX_27: on my clit

cheesedog: OK!

cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!

VictimX_27: I also like being done from behind

cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.

cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.

cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.

cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet.

VictimX_27: Uh huh

cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit

cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.

cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy

VictimX_27: oooohh mmmm

cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind

cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole

VictimX_27: yessss

cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.

cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.

cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*

VictimX_27: ???

cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!

cheesedog: POW!! BZZZZZTTTTTPHTTTTTT!!!

cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....

VictimX_27: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!

cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked

cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!

cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun

cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!

VictimX_27: This isn't funny johnny!

cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!

cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**

cheesedog: Slimer is in there too..

VictimX_27: YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

cheesedog: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!

cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass.

cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**

VictimX_27: Never talk to me again!

cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color

VictimX_27: FUCK YOUUUU

cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!

VictimX_27: SHUT UP AND FUCK YOUUUU!!!!!

cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!

VictimX_27: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.

cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.

cheesedog: But there is already slime on your it!!

cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!

cheesedog: HE RIPS YOUR WHITE TITS OFF!

VictimX_27: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**

VictimX_27:
 
Hey guys, found a good one too by someone else.

This Is An Actual Netsex Log

_______________________

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK.

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.

Wellhung: They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: | logged off |
 
that was ok, but part of the beauty of bloodninja lay in it's simplicity. i guess what i'm trying to say was it was good becasue it was short.
 
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah

i just read through it again, i've read these about twetny times including printing them out and showing them to my friends and they're still funny every time

the best is the pizza one and when he ims the same girl again
 
wow my teacher thinks i'm fuckin perverted now. she was reading over my shoulder. hahahaha those are so good
 
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