I just shit my pants.

i went to africa in 8th grade, and i got salmonella, so when i got back home, i missed 3 days of school because for those three days, i shit rain every hour, on the hour.
 
freshman year i lived with my best friend from home, we both went to the same college. anyway we would play fart volleyball on occasion when the gas struck. For those unfamiliar it's basically somebody farts, then you have to fart to volley it back to them, and so on and so forth. Yes, I enjoy acting like i'm fucking 5 years old, you should too.
So anyway, on about 3 occasions my competitive spirit, er, stench, got the best of me and I over did it haha Thankfully my buddy would usually submit and forfeit once that happened since he respected my dedication to winning.
 
haha no it was like

teacher- class something smells funny in hear

me- started crying

teacher- did you have an accident

me- crying and nodding my head "i had a bit of one"
 
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Yeah I shit in my pants so often.... but i don't care cause I have D-pants:

But I can remember the last time I shat my pants for real, awful feeling.
 
i got food poisoning last winter. Puked all night starting at 1am till 730 am when my girlfriend finally convinced me to go to the hospital. I called into work and she drove me to the hospital in frisco. At this point I was dry heaving out the window going down I70. Got to the ER, pumped me full of Saline and shit. As we're leaving, I walked into the bathroom, and as soon as i closed the door,

shit myslef standing up.

On top of that, it ends up i was between insurance carriers, so the 2 hrs i was in the Frisco hospital, I got charde $1300
 
someone i know pooped his pants when he was like 13-14. we thought someone had stepped in dog crap at first..
 
Last year, my roommates and I had a party. I had to get up early the next morning to take an exam, so I crashed pretty early, but everyone else raged super late. Anyway, I'm leaving the house the next morning, and see that this kid we knew was sleeping on the futon in the living room (this will be relevant later). So as I'm walking out the door, I get a faint whiff of shit. It's pretty mild, so I assumed somebody must have just stepped in dog shit, and I leave. I come back from my exam to find both my roommates on the front porch literally doubled over in laughter. "Did you see what happened to the fucking chair?!" Uh oh. Apparently, nobody else had spent the night except for the guy who was passed out on the couch when I left, so at some point during the night, In a drunk, drug-induced stupor, this kid had climbed over a chair to sit on what he thought was the toilet. This toilet, was, in fact, another chair that was conveniently placed in a corner, behind a table and more chairs. How the fuck he managed to do that, we will never know. The shit he took on this chair was unlike anything I've ever seen before. It was a pile of soft serve about a foot in diameter and 4 inches deep. What still haunts me to this day is the fact that after doing that, he pulled his pants up and went back to sleep on my couch. And what the fuck did he use for toilet paper?
 
I know a kid who hates bathrooms other than the ones in his house so he'll go to camp and hold it in for like a week and when he gets home and relieves himself it flies everywhere lol
 
i'm reading this as i take a shit. go figure.

and i bet my truck is getting a parking ticket right now out the window i see a cop car next to it...

fuck 2nd time this month..
 
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