How to(REALLY)freestyle ski in 5 steps or less

rynmartn

Active member
Step 1. The most important part of learning how to freestyle stunt jib is the equipment. Most freestylers prefer a centermounted ski. This enables the skier to have a good excuse to why he sucks at skiing powder with out being labled a "park rat". Second to the skis is the bandana. It must be worn around the neck and over they face at all times. Even when it is warm out and uncomfortable to do so. This helps create an elusion of mystery and thus makes people afraid to talk to you, wich is an important part of extreme terrain riding we will discuss later.

Step 2. Start with a basic move such as a "ego cover". Say you go into the begginner extreme terrain park and attempt to grind a small skate style rail and fall flat on your face. Don't worry! Upon recovering any ski equipment you may have lost during the fall, stand up and loundly exclaim any of the following: "Wow that thing is sticky!" or "They groomed it wrong!". This gives anyone who was watching you the impression that you are actually much better then your small crash may have indicated and therefor keeps them afraid of teasing or making fun of you.

Step 3. Try some of the snow ramps in the snowboard park. Many ski areas are now allowing skiers into the extreme snowboard park runs so you too can go in and show off your moves. There are many different sized snow ramps for different levels of radness. The most important thing to remember is that overshooting a jump looks way more hardcore then knuckleing. Thus keeping up your status and enableing you to have people be afraid of you in the lift line. *NOTE* You will notice your techniques are coming along nicely if when you stand ontop of the drop in area of the park the younger,less skilled free skiers will hang back and wait for you to drop before entering themselves.

Step 4. Go ski on the half pipe in your extreme terrain center at your local mountain. THe half pipe is half of a pipe(hence the name) with snow on each side. Skiers can ski down the middle or up the sides for extra excitment. The more experienced extreme riders may go up out of the pipe landing safely back on the wall to avoid serious injury. *NOTE* You are properly executing your pipe jibbing technique if, while you are "hitting" the pipe people Boo and throw snowballs at you.

Step 5. Try out some of your freestyle skills on rails. Rails are made with snow ramps infront of them so the skier can ride on it too. The tricky part about rails is you must only spin off the oppisite way you spin on. It is not considered "cool" or "hip" or "hyphy" if you spin on and off the same way. You must spin onto the rail one way, drag a ski edge and spin off the other way. Then ski down from the rail and hit a jump ramp on the way down. Perform a trick in the air and when you land "fakie" stand up as quickly and as straight as you can and allow your arms to fall limply to your sides. Look straight up the hill back at the jump as if you were aggressivly questioning it's physical toughness.
 
"You are properly executing your pipe jibbing technique if, while you are "hitting" the pipe people Boo and throw snowballs at you"

LOL

 
now that is an in depth and accurate explanation to terrain park jibbing.

See you in the terrain park fellow jibbers
 
yes, i thought you were going to take this more seriously then you did. Oh it was great, it makes me want to schred snowboard parks.
 
I can reduce that to 2 steps

1. get an attitude change: wear bright clothing that is wayyyy to big, even to a 300 man. Act like a gangster as best as you can. Start by calling anyone by the n word.

2. You dont have to really look cool when you are skiing with the best skier at the resort. Hang out with a good group, if they reject you; pay them. Once you are deemed cool, start insulting everyone in the park for being noobs.
 
"Perform a trick in the air and when you land "fakie" stand up as quickly and as straight as you can and allow your arms to fall limply to your sides. Look straight up the hill back at the jump as if you were aggressivly questioning it's physical toughness."

hahahaha

 
wow fucking classic

*NOTE* You are properly executing your pipe jibbing technique if, while

you are "hitting" the pipe people Boo and throw snowballs at you.

 
moral of the story: (a quote I found, don't know where its from)

Don't be stupid. Know your ability. Remember, these tricks are being done by professional skiers and riders. If you suck (like our marketing department), you'll think twice about trying these. Then you'll think a third time. Then you'll sit down and think some more. Soon, you'll start to get cold. Then you'll ride down to the car and go home. And tell your friends you totally killed it!
 
Thanks guys. I thought you would all appreciate something like this. for the record i am not hating at all. I think pretzels afterbangs tanner halls and etreme terrain parks.
 
man, i am like the number one "that thing is sticky" or "slippery", "sketchy" claimer. calling inruns bad, landings flat and all that stuff is the biggest thing to me when skiing. i totally agree with that

nice read
 
"Look straight up the hill back at the jump as if you were aggressivly questioning it's physical toughness."

I love that line. super funny and accurate
 
Every skier should know this. Ive always skied according to these especially the "rail is too slippery/sticky".
 
step 6. no matter how much snow has fallen, consider MT. hood for example. You must complain about global warming, at every given oppurtunity. Don't forget to hate on tricks you lack the ability to do, such as double flips and switch 14s.
 
Look straight up the hill back at the jump as if you were aggressivly questioning it's physical toughness.    

GIGGLES
 
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