cyphers
Active member
Got tired of hearing you posers talking about Hood all the time so I've come up with the following (definitive) volcano rankings.
1. Mt Rainier - By far the girthiest and tallest volcano. Could put everyone in Tacoma out of their misery but chooses not to out of pure spite. 1 low elevation road and no lifts keeps the kooks out in the winter. Has a nationally marketed beer named after it. The pinnacle of volcanic performance.
2. Mt Shasta - Very intriguing asymmetrical appearance. It's visage is so heavenly that it is home to several space/lizard person cults. I trust their judgement. Shasta Ski Bowl is pretty small but only because anything higher elevation gets avalanched off the map. Most importantly it has a town called Weed nearby, ha ha funny!
3. Mt Hood - Has lots of skiing but this aspect is entirely cancelled out by the fact that it has become a Mecca for stinky, thieving wooks. Not as visually appealing as other volcanoes which is why every jump shot has Mt Jefferson telephoto'd into the background instead. I have to drive through Portland to get there, yuck.
4. Mt Baker - Ski area is sick but the volcano itself is just ok. This is actually a picture of Mt Shuksan, but nobody seems to be able to tell the difference anyway. I bet you didn't either.
5. Mt Bachelor - Flat. No really, like flatter than Vail. Would be redeemed by its many gorgeous wind lips if they didn't all have uphill landings. Honestly amazed that pros escape this place with any knee cartilage left. Park lift is broken more often than the McDonald's ice cream machine.
Feel free to argue with me in the replies, I've cleared my calendar so I can demolish you.
1. Mt Rainier - By far the girthiest and tallest volcano. Could put everyone in Tacoma out of their misery but chooses not to out of pure spite. 1 low elevation road and no lifts keeps the kooks out in the winter. Has a nationally marketed beer named after it. The pinnacle of volcanic performance.
2. Mt Shasta - Very intriguing asymmetrical appearance. It's visage is so heavenly that it is home to several space/lizard person cults. I trust their judgement. Shasta Ski Bowl is pretty small but only because anything higher elevation gets avalanched off the map. Most importantly it has a town called Weed nearby, ha ha funny!
3. Mt Hood - Has lots of skiing but this aspect is entirely cancelled out by the fact that it has become a Mecca for stinky, thieving wooks. Not as visually appealing as other volcanoes which is why every jump shot has Mt Jefferson telephoto'd into the background instead. I have to drive through Portland to get there, yuck.
4. Mt Baker - Ski area is sick but the volcano itself is just ok. This is actually a picture of Mt Shuksan, but nobody seems to be able to tell the difference anyway. I bet you didn't either.
5. Mt Bachelor - Flat. No really, like flatter than Vail. Would be redeemed by its many gorgeous wind lips if they didn't all have uphill landings. Honestly amazed that pros escape this place with any knee cartilage left. Park lift is broken more often than the McDonald's ice cream machine.
Feel free to argue with me in the replies, I've cleared my calendar so I can demolish you.
