Homer Simpson quotes

Jacob_W

Jacob_W

Member
Post your favorite Homer Simpson quote!

mine: Oh Marge, I swear to God I never thought you´d find out!

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.If my toes were made of broccoli I would rule the world.
 
Homer, Homer Simpson he's the....(words that i forgot sung to the tune of the flinstones)...he's about to hit a chestnut tree AHH!

.Ski.
 
'Women will like what I tell them to like.'

'I'm sorry Mr. Burns, I don't go for those kind of backdoor shanannigans.'

'Save me Jebus, save me. Wait a sec... I don't even believe in Jebus.'

'Only guys like me could afford a hat like that. Wait a sec, guys like me. I'm a guy like me.'

'Oh my god, that man is my exact double... Oh my god, that dog has a poofy tail! Here puff puff!'

I could go on for ever, so I'll just stop there.

- - - - -

'It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
Best one is 'bagger my ass its probley just millhouse'

Chris Knight : So, if there's anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you just let me know.

Susan : Can you hammer a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?

Chris Knight : Not right now.

Susan : A girl's gotta have her standards.

'Those things look like they have been stuck in the vaginal cannel for 3 years'

- My ecnomics teacher
 
one more..

'those sucks were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Oh, gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.'

- - - - -

'It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
^^Misty7, that is the one that stands out most in my mind

Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches

 
Caller- ' Its 11 o clock at night do you know where your kids are'

Homer-' I told you last night NO'

...I have Dated a girl for her brains Big, HUGE Brains!!
 
'I'm not not licking toads'

____________________

'its vanilla ice!' - Lateralis

'god invented alcohol so the irish wouldn't take over the world'

 
^DAMN YOU....that's my favorite line haha.

and ErikT.....

Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history.....from the, town of springfield, he's about to hit a chestnut tree.

mmmmmm.....open faced club sandwedge.....

-Strode

Abba Zabba, you my only friend
 
My aunt is doing Marge's voice in french.

Drink 1 BASE a day, Keep the doctor away.

Baseconcept.com

WWW.OAKLEY.COM

WWW.SALOMONSKI.COM

 
you misquoted the jebus one rebel, it's actually two separate quotes

when lovejoy tosses him in the plane:

''i'm no missionary, i don't even believe in jebus.''

and later, after he's on the plane:

''save me jebus!''

the best one from that episode though:

''how often do we have to go to church to make god happy?''

''every sunday for the rest of our lives''

''hahahaha! no seriously''

-Strode

Abba Zabba, you my only friend
 
Marge....we're missing the cookoff! Chiiillliii! Marge....! (in a whiny voice)

Ooops, I thought this was the can, man

Everytime I learn something new, it just pushes out some old stuff. Like remember that time I got that home wine-making kit and I forgot how to drive?

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to read lottery numbers.

Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you wish Flanders was dead.

Marge, old people don't need to be studied. they need to be isolated and studied to see what nutrients can be obtained from them..

This donut has purple in the middle. Purple is a fruit.

Asleep at the switch! I wasn't asleep, I was drunk.

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they taste good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?

`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`

'haha he told his parents ahbout his ginormous cock.... what a fag' - linemaverick540
 
how bout

'doh!'

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot - sublime

save lives. ride line.

I smell burnt toast!!!

 
Dad, you shot zombie flanders!

''Flanders was a zombie?'' - Homer.

Eat. Sleep. Breathe. Ski.

 
homer to his brain: just get me through this so i can go back to killing you with alcohol

Cats. the other white meat.
 
'max power doesn't cuddle, you strap yourself in and feel the g's.'

'outta my way, jerkass!'

'we'll dig our way out!' homer while in a hole,

'no no. dig up stupid!' Wiggum

i have an american dream but it involves black masks and gasoline
 
'In my country, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get...the women.'

----------------------------------------------------

'Don't let academics interfere your education' (My coach)

'I'm in his nigger crew' (my little brother in response to my statement that he was in my 'digger crew')

'My knee hurts' (Jeff Merat after grinding a lunch table for an hour instead of sitting in the ski patrol shack for his torm mcl and acl which he got earlier that day.)

'I'm not asking for any help, just mabe for you to get off your ass.'(my dad)
 
you can dance, you can dance, everybody look at ur pants

i always watched tv and i turned out tv

look marge, maggie lost her baby legs

now ill find out what the j stands for, homer JAY simpson

Take me to your special place,

Close your eyes show me your face............I'm gonna piss on it

 
DOH!!!!

I'd probably eat human if i didn't know where it came from. - Nick Mercon

How many telemarkers does it take to screw in a light bulb? none theyre all dirty hippies with no electricity.- Greg Tuffelmire

 
Moe: How do you like a sticker on your face?!

Duffman(with sticker on face): Duffmann can't breath, oh no!

4FRNT.

Sidewinder Sports.

i try to avoid my parents as much possible, i just live in their house, theyre fucken losers - Lateralis

 
'I am so smart, i am so smart, S-M-R-T...i mean S-M-A-R-T'

-Nick

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

Everything i say is a lie......except that.....and that

'He was probably beating it to some sexy orangatang tittes in a national geographic' - Lateralis
 
havnt you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermens in church?!?! Captain Whats-his-name?!?!

-Craig

the challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else
 
woooob woob woob woob woob woob.

While spinning on ground.

'its the candybabyfountainwatertiretreadpencileraserdoorknobstopperbasketballhoopethiopianclockradiodivegooglegoggleboggle

shwartzchairlikeelephanttreessadbirdpootigerjuicebottlerumdrunkenmasterfighterkillertomatopastetoothbrushtailsantlersdisplaycase

toothbrushtailsantlersdisplaycasestudyhallwaydowntownassassinmaneateryoungkippurherringsrowboatankerwankerspankertankgirlpowerspice

meatballparmaseancheesewhizbangermetalhornsdogchowmeinstreetcardesiresexpleasethanksmaamspamalopecantelopeicecreamcone

meatballparmaseancheesewhizbangermetalhornsdogchowmeinstreetcardesiresexpleasethanksmaamspamalopecantelopeicecreamcone

phonehomebusinesscardsharkfinsoupnatsiscumbagpipesmokerlungbiscuitbowlnoodlesaladtongsbatontwirlertwistshakebakecakeholehumperdink kink rail.'
 
Homer: Now I need something to wash that awful taste from my mouth. What do you have to drink?

Vendor: Mountain Dew, or crab juice

Homer: Ohhhh, uhhhhh goddd...I'll have a crab juice!

Forty-fos, calicos, thats how all my gangstas roll
 
Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only this time David won!

-*~*~Caitie*~*~
 
I've seen every episode of the Simpsons ever made, yet I still know no quotes. I only laugh at their hilariousness.

'No its okay, I'm shaved' White Women

'I heard of Trimin the hedges, but you done scorched the earth..' Dave Chapelle.

patj
 
okay, so i was watching this movie about a bus that was speeding. it had to stay at a certain speed or if the speed slowed down the bus would blow up. i think it was called...the bus that couldnt slow down

Take me to your special place,

Close your eyes show me your face............I'm gonna piss on it

 
Quiet brain, or i'll stab you with another Q-tip

I dunno if I'd call it a quote, but when he makes the distillery in his basement, and is smuggling booze out through an elaborate bowling ball system, and then the booze starts blowing up in the basement at night, and marge is all like whats that, and hes like boom boom oh those beans

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E.T. is the can-do alien, and don't you forget it
 
-'Homer, why can't you be more supportive?'

'Because I don't care, I can't be supportive if I don't care'

-PRESS ANY KEY 'Where's the ANY Key?'

Signature
 
'first you get thee sugaaar...then you get thee money...then you get the weeemen'

Merse you sexy potatoe you better be doing some thing fucking crazy up there, see yea soon br-ah

Too many Rookies not enough PROS !!!

807 Army 4life
 
Homer: I dont want my name on that train wreck (refering to bart)

Bart: but dad

Homer:Shut up A track

-Thom Savery

please pardon the cacography

--->CCR*
 
how can you pick a favorite, there are oh so many good ones.

_________________________________

line skis- because skiing needs a future

 
'did somebody get bit by the jelousy bug lisa?'

homer pinches her

'stop your a grown man'

'i wanna go home now!'

_______________________

My name is Sue. How do you do? Now you gunna die!
 
i saw 15 boobs today

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Good Fun With A Hand Gun.

hoodratz47: sweet your now black....
 
'dancing away my hunger pain... movin my feet... '

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot - sublime

save lives. ride line.

I smell burnt toast!!!

 
....so my stomach won't hurt. i'm kinda like jesus, but not in a sacreligious way''

-Strode

Abba Zabba, you my only friend
 
mmmmmmm forbidden donut

i hope i didnt brain my damage

it comes out every friday night at 7 pm... like erkel... and it has a sweet heavenly voice.... like erkel

___________________

Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2

i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU

numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly

Basically, you have to fly planes into buildings before anyone listens to you these days. - Jib_This
 
'is there no place for the man with the 105 iq?'

'notice how i nolonger say libarry or tomorry'

marge-'homer ull kill us all'

homer-'or die trying'

'man do u know this kid milhouse. he's such a wienie'

_______________________

My name is Sue. How do you do? Now you gunna die!
 
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