use the fresh air return vent in the walls. it looks like a big heating vent, but its in the baseboard, not the floor. If you are in the basement, its on the ceiling. tie a string to your porn, wine bottles, crossbow, etc. and toss em in, then screw the grate back on. the perfect crime.
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'Dude, check out this nasty gouge.'
'Your mom has a nasty gouge.'
I now have this new found passion for cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.