1. Steal your dad's car
1.5. Learn to drive a manual transmission (you seem like a bitch, so I'm just kind of assuming here)
2. Drive to girlfriend's house, park in lawn.
3. Don't knock. If her dad (or mom, fuck it) try to stop you, shove your index finger so far up his nostril you touch his brain. Eat it.
4. Your girlfriend says she isn't finished getting ready. So what? Go upstairs and fucking get her. I don't care if she's half naked and isn't done caking on makeup to hide the acne and shame that comes with eating 14 slices of pizza per day.
5. Hope you brought along a crowbar, cause you'll probably need one to wedge her into your dad's front seat.
6. Drive to the White Castle down the street. Order at least 2 crave cases. Watch your girlfriend eat it all. Cry a little on the inside, but don't you dare mention how hungry you are. This night is about her.
7. Drive to the movie theater while she eats. Park on the sidewalk. Punch the valet in the dick and cover his face in leftover pickles.
8. What's that? You wanted to see RoboCop? Too fucking bad. Go sit your ass down in the special Valentine's Day showing of the Notebook. Cry.
9. Turn to your girlfriend and say, coyly, "u want sum fuk?" Cry when she says yes.
10. Fuck the wildebeest on the floor of the movie theater. Slap her in the face when she starts eating the candy off the floor. Use the crowbar to fend off unruly movie theater employees. Cry.
11. Stroll out of the movie theater casually, punch the valet in the dick again, and get in the car.
12. Yell at the wildebeest for eating the pickles.
13. Get mor fuk in the car
14. Crash into your parents' mailbox.
15. Make wildebeest walk home. Offer her rollerblades out of the kindness of your heart.
16. Laugh your ass off as she awkwardly skates her fat ass home.
17. Fuck your dad in the front lawn
18. Jizz into your own mouth
19. Cry
20. Pass out.