Grandma: Have not spoken to in 4 years..advice

JayDope

JayDope

Active member
Alrigt, so when i was in 7th grade my beloved Grandpa passed away from lung cancer, he was easily the smartest man i ever knew, 150 IQ, guy was a genius. I loved him alot, always had really in depth convos with him abotu life and he taught me alot. Well once he died, my grandma took it bad, and my aunt who is handicapp has lived with her forever. Well about a year after my Grandpa's death, my grandma decided to find a b.f, my family thought it was good, cuz she was just lonely, well turns out the guy is a complete douchebag...he basically tore apart my entire family. It was his idea to put my handicap aunt into a nursing home, he would talk shit about my mom to my grandma (this grandma is my dads mom). Soon enough my mom was pretty much hated by my grandmother for no reason..this made my dad stop talking to his mother. My mom did pretty much everything for my handicap aunt at the nursing home since we live so close, did her laundry, we would bring her food and visit her regularly, Last year around this time my mom went there and they wouldnt let her in and said she was banned from visiting my aunt (my grandma's idea or was it her bf?) Anyways, my grandma was a huge fan of watching me play baseball and she was always really proud of me, well she hasnt talked to me in about 4 years so my entire highschool life was without her. She never called me on my birthday, never called me when i graduated highschool or anything. My little sister would email her and tell her how much she loves her and what not, she never responded, one night i came home drunk, and saw my little sister crying, she had told me my grandma emailed her back, and i read it, and it literally just left me speechless, so i emailed my grandma basically calling her a bitch, btu nicely. That was a while ago, my birthday passed, and i thoght about calling her and talking to her a little, but im hesistant to do this, i honestly dont think she owuld know who i am if i called her. So how should i approuch this? she is old and has to realize that all she has is her family left (which she took entirely out of her will) So i dont know why im doign this, but help me out here, this is kinda a rant, its been buggin me lately.
 
i think you should or someone in your family should call her and tell her to leave her boyfriend. Clearly he is messing with your family.

Either that or call the boyfriend directly and ask him why hes being such a weasel.
 
tell her that u wont accept her making your sister and mother cry for no good reason (or in general) and tell her to at least stop insulting your family

 
its been done, i almost forgot to mention about a year ago they got engaged....she wont listen to a thing anyone says i sware he brainwashed her...she was always encouragaiing me in baseball all the time, she was a big part of my life when my grandpa was alive...its like she died along with him
 
that is tough man. real shitty situation. maybe speak to her in person? might make her face the situation head on. could maybe make her realize she is making a mistake shutting you out of her life?
 
^ thats actually a good idea, im going home this weekend from school, maybe ill just show up at her house, see if she recognizes me, and talk to her about eveyrthing....i just really dont think she will recognize her own grandson.
 
i would recommend trying to stop by and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. im sure she hasnt forgotten you or your sister. if you have any pictures of you and your sister from the past few years, maybe some of you playing baseball, you could give them to her while you are there...
 
^ yeah thats a good idea, i was actually on the front page of the paper and had an entire article on me, so ill bring that, unless she saw it alredy...btu yeah ill bring some pics of my sisters to show her....i just really wanna reunite with her, she doesnt have alot of years left, adn i just wanna show her what shes been missing out on
 
damn dude, im sorry to hear that. i would just go talk to her and tell her you love her and everything but shes been such a bitch that your ready to forget about her unless she treats u likke a true family would and see if her bf is there and call him out.
 
if for some reason the guy wont let you see her or whatever, you could try to get your whole family over and do an intervention type thing.
 
if the guy (tony) tries to not let me see her, i will just push him out of the way and walk in the house myself, he has no right to tell me anything of that sort. He fucekd up EVERYTHING, i really hope i dont even see him, cuz i would seriously same some fucked up shit to him.
 
talking to her somewhere/sometime that her boyfriend has no influence over her. explain to her what this douche is doing to everyone. try to be thoughtful and respectful so she'll actually pay attention.

what did the email to your sister say?
 
to be hoenst with u, i dont remember what the email said, it was like 2 years ago and i was drunk when i replied to it
 
jesus. im sorry. that guy seems like a total asshole. and it sounds like hes turning your grandma into one too.
 
a lot of the above advice is good. you can't approach her with full on hate because you will recieve the same back.

you can't say hey gram, marrying so and so was dumb because... i think maybe if you can get her to go out for coffee or a walk you can just tell her how much you miss her, how your life is changing and you want her apart of it, and the time without her's been hard.

it doesn't sound like you can eliminate the guy but you can try to hang out with her one on one. maybe after this first talk and it sits with her, she'll realize how much she's hurting herself and you by not loving the grandparent/grandkid relationship.

it's good you want to change this. i'm really sorry to hear it all but excited for your optimism and eagerness to make a positive change.
 
wow man that sucks! I'm really sorry to hear that.

You should call the boyfriend out and totally duke it out with him. I'm sure he'll accept. Come up with a cool trick like rodeo 540 onto his head and before you do it you have to say: FOR NEWSCHOOLERS!

He'll just laugh and once he sees you jump off that electrical box, car, roof (whatever it is you can rodeo 540 off of), and into that rodeo 540 he'll realize he made a bad choice. Oh yeah don't forget to add extra afterbang and then hopefully your Grandma just stands there with her jaw dropped for like five seconds and then just says: MAD STEEZ! (while giving you a huge high five). It would be sick if she's like: Plus K+ for you!
 
well as far as i know they r engaged and r not getting married, adn im not gunna approach her with full on hate, im just gunna go in there thinking positively, and maybe i can reunite my family with my grandmother, it would be nice for her to watch her children and grandchildren grow in her last remaining years of her life, she doesnt realize how important family is, and i just dont understand that. If her b.f is there, im not sure what i'll say to him, or if i'll say anything to him at all. But if he does try to intervene with my conversation, i will tell him straight up to mind his OWN business and stay out of MY family, if he continues to interupt me, i will be like listen nanny, u have known me since i was born, who is more important me or tony (her b.f.) hoping she will see it my way, and tell him to leave us alone.
 
take her out for breakfast or something. just you and her without the douchebag. its got to be him thats changing her because if your grandma is anything like my grandparents they stay the same because old people dont change. good luck
 
^ agreed, take her out to some to breakfast/lunch where you can talk quietly about your grandpa and how much you miss her being a big part of your life. I wouldnt bring up the bf just yet, right now you might just want to try the friendship thing without going iinto the past arguments and such
 
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