Good joke

a guy named bob is walking through grand central station with a buisness partner of his and everybody they walk past is waving, nodding, or saying hi to bob. his buisness partner says jokingly "you must be the most popular man in the world" and bob thinks for a little and says "yeah...i probably am" his partner explains he was just joking and theres no way he could be the most known person in the world. bob insists he must be. so the buisness partner says "ookay i bet you dont know the president." bob says of course he does ill bet you 1000 bucks i know the president. man takes his offer and the next week they fly to washington, the president is giving a speech. after the speech he notices bob and says "hey bob hows it going?" bob wins the bet. His buisness partner still isnt convinced. he says, I bet you dont know bill gates. bob says he does. they fly to bill gates place and bill greets bob like a brother and asks how his wife is doing. bbob wins the bet. The buisness partners a little pissed now and says "ill bet you you dont know the pope. 10,000$" bob takes him up on it and they fly to the vatican city. the popes about to give mass at st. peters, and bob says to his partner, excuse me a minute" and he leaves him alone in the square. 5 minutes later the pope comes out, and standing behind him is bob! he looks down and waves to his buddy and the when he comes down to get him hes passed out. bob wakes him up and says "come one man you saw me with the president and bill gates and u didnt pass out. whyd u pass out with the pope" and his partner says, "it wasnt seeing you with the pope that made me pass out, its when the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'who the fucks that old guy up there with bob'.

bamm mad long so better like it. i think its prolly lacking without my delivery, which if i may say so is top notch.
 
A Pirate walks into a bar. With a steering wheel in his pants. He orders a drink. The bartender asks,

"Hey, why do you have that steering wheel in your pants?"

the pirate takes a swig of his rum and says, "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts"
 
This is the story of two gay in a bar , pedro and bob.

Bob say to pedro: How is going your sentimental life?

Pedro say: it's unbeliveble , i don't even have the time to fart.....
 
dude my buddy told me this one and the parachute one nick said on the lift today. that bastard stole them from this thread!!
 
my brother told me this when i was like 5, and i didnt get it.

alright so this billionaires wife just died, so he wants a new girlfriend and so he holds a contest for all the girls who want to be with him. the rules are that he picks the first one and she has to stay in an isolated room for 2 weeks without food or water, and etc. until one lives. So he picks the first one and she goes in the room and makes through 4 days until she dies from dehydration becuase she pee'd too much. so the guards find her dead and they take her body out. so he gets another girl and she goes in to the room, and after 10 days she dies because she picked off all her scabs and warts so she got skin cancer and died. the guards find her dead and get her out, and the billionaire finds another girl and puts her in the room, she last 6 days and she dies cuz of her allergies making her get bloody noses, so she bleads bloody boogers out and dies from loss of blood. so the guards get her out and the billionaire yet again finds another girl, she goes in to the room and she lasts for the full two weeks, and the guards take her out, and then the billionaire asks her how she lasted the full two weeks, and she said:

"i just drank lemonade and ate chips and salsa!"
 
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