Good joke

M

mtsteeze406

Member
there is a canadian farmer, osama bin laden, and a texan out on a walk, and they meet a magical fish. the fish says he can grant them each three wishes. The canadian asks for fetile soil, so he gets it. Osama asks for a wall around his country, so he gets it. The texan wants to know more about the wall, so the fish tells him, "its 5000 feet thick and the same tall. Nothing gets in or out, NOTHING!." So, the texan sits back, opens a beer, and tell the fish, "fill it with water"....
 
naw dude i dont wanna be a dick... but it wasnt funny

it reminded me of a joke that i would hear at thanksgiving that my grampa would tell and i would be forced to laugh at
 
so this 18 year old kid gets home from air force training and his dad is asking him about parachuting, he says his first time he was so nervous he froze and his huge black drill seargant was screaming at him to jump, he says "PRIVATE, you jump out of this fucking plane right now or I swear to god ill shove my big black dick in your ass" the dad says "oh my god, did you jump?" the son replied "a little, just when he first stuck it in"

lol
 
A woman is paying for her groceries. She pays for some eggs, bacon and

milk. A man behind her says, "You must be single." The woman looks at

the man and then at the groceries and says, "Yes, but how did you

know?" The man replies, "Because you're ugly."
 
naw dude. he got all three in there. the canadian asked for fertile soil, osama asked for a wall, and the texan asked for water inside the wall. Where the texan got the beer from is beyond me though.
 
It was told to me by a homeless black guy who went by the name of Jokin' Joe, who was defiantly on alot of crack. does that make it better?
 
2 hunters go out to the woods to hunt deer. drunk as fuck. they haven't shot anything all day and one of the hunters goes off to take a dump. he leans up against a tree and passes the fuck out. his friend finds him about an hour later and decides to pull a prank on him. he finally shoots a deer and after he does, he guts the deer removing the intestines and placing them under his friend bare, drunk ass.

the hunter leaves the man like this over night. the next day they see each other at the bar and the hunter who killed the deer says "hey man you passed the fuck out last night what happened?"

the other hunter replies, very disturbed, "man, you won't believe this but when i was taking a shit last night something came out that wasn't supposed to...but with my two fingers given to me by god i shoved it all back in"
 
this one is awful, i didnt make it up and rarely use dead baby jokes, but here i go.
whats the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
i dont rape my sandwich before i eat it

i know, its awful
 
Whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket?

A dead baby in ten buckets.

Whats the difference between bowling balls and dead babies?

You cant unload bowling balls from a the back of a truck with a pitchfork.
 
its long, but bear with me...its a good one

3 guys go duck hunting in lake champlain. after a few hours out on the water they decide to call it a day and pull their boat up onto the beach. as they are pulling the boat up, a hunting warren walks up to them and says "can i see your vermont hunting licences plese?" all 3 guys pull out their vermont hunting listences. all of a sudden, the warren picks up a duck, sticks his finger up its ass and then smells his finger and says "this is a new york duck. do you have your new york hunting licences?" astonished, all 3 men take out their new york hunting licences. the warren picks up another duck and sticks his finer up its ass and smells his finger again and says, "this is a Canadian duck, and i know you dont have your Canadian hunting licences. do you?" one of the guys says "well actually we do just incase this happened. all 3 of them take out their canadian licences and give them to him. supprised, the warren says "you men are the first i've ever come across to have all 3 licences, where exactly are you boys from?" one of the guys steps forward, turns arounf, drops his pants, bends ofer and says, "you're the expert you tell me."
 
Turtle is the homeless guy who hangs out on 11th aveS every night.

He can tell 48 jokes in 12 seconds if you give him some change

unfortunately it was minus 30 out last night and i couldn't feel my feet so i didn't have 12 seconds to spare for him.
 
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