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Knock, knock

Who's there?

The police. Please open the door, sir, your wife's been murdered.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

They're alcoholics, and their addiction has cost them their families, homes and jobs
 
A man walks into his house and yells at his wife, ''Honey, I won the lottery! Pack all of your things!!!"

The wife asks "what should I pack where are we going?"

The man replies, "I don't care, pack your stuff and get the fuck out of here."
 
What's the cuban national anthem?

Row, row, row your boat.....

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

Another bar.

What did the Chinese couple name their tan, blue eyed, curly haired baby?

Sum Ting Wong

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand?

Quatro cinco
 
Yours is the shit version.

Firstly, they're alcoholics, not alcohols.

And secondly, the verbosity and formality of an anti-joke adds to the humour.

 
Indeed. To keep the anti-jokes going...

Why did the child fall off the swing?

Because she had lost both arms in an unfortunate lawnmower accident.
 
What did batman say to robin just before they got in the car?Get in the car.
What's red and smells like blue paint?Red paint
What's brown and sticky?A stick.
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?She had no arms.

 
Guy 1: "If my boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I'm leaving the company."

Guy 2: "What did he say?"

Guy 1: "Leave the company."
 
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A lawyer comes to meet the head of a family on a farm. Near the gate he meets a little kid.

"Son, I have urgent matters to speak with your father."

The boy answers: "He's dead. He was run over by a tractor."

"Oh my..that's...well, may I talk to you mother, then?"

The boy answers: "She's dead too, got run over by a tractor."

Now the lawyer is shocked and starts to get worried.

"But..if your parents are dead then what on Earth are you doing around here all day?"

The boy cheers up, revs the engine and shouts:

"Driving a tractor!"

 
So there is this old German Jewish woman, and she wins the lottery.
All of the local news agencies are trying to get an interview with her, and one of them does.
They ask her what the first thing she will do with the money is. She replies "I will celebrate Hitler's birthday". The reporter is shocked, he asks, "But wait, you were in the holocaust, shouldn't you hate Hitler?"
The old woman replies, "Hitler....he was a bastard." She then looks and points at the underside of her wrist. "But he picked a good number."

I also like telling this joke
1279519376man_fault.jpg

 
what do u call 5 white guys on a bench?

The NBA

whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?

i take my cleets off when i bounce on a trampoline

 
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic Team?

Because all Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States

How do u gey a sweet 80yr old woman to say the "F" word?

Have another sweet 80yr old lady yell BINGO

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins "once upon a time", and a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."

What do you call it when an italian had one arm shorter then the other?

A speech impediment

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?

Because they're not going to work in the future either.

 
Why could'nt the girl get up?

She had no legs.

Why did no one help her up?

She had no friends.

Why did she have no friends?

She was fat.

Why was she fat?

She ate her arms and legs.
 
Whats the only thing worse than ten babies in one garbage cans?

One baby in ten garbage cans.
 
-Q: A car filled with Mexicans is racing a car filled with black people to see who can drive off the cliff first who wins?

A: Society

-Q: What do you call 10 black people in front of a barn?

A: Old farm equipment

Wow I am a racist bastard........
 
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