Gaper Confessions

C

CabbyArrant

Member
Admit it!!! At one time or other most of us were gapers (I realize there are quite a few people who might not think they were). On NS we love to make fun of Gapers but I feel like we all have a few stories of our days of goggle gap. I know I sure do. So share your best, funniest, most embarassing stories of yourself as a gaper.

My very first day skiing I took out a slow sign and ended up screamin seamen with my ankles touching my shoulder blades.
 
Fell getting off the lift once. Put my skis in a screaming seamen position on the lift and forgot to put them back. I have an ADD counselor now
 
Everyone was a gaper when I was a gaper so it's hard to distinguish, but I did rock a fly one piece snowsuit until 98 or 99.

Hold onto your girlfirends.

I wish I had pictures. Throwin down in the steezwear
 
strapped on the secondhand race skis and hit the lips of jumps and/or went straight on boxes in the park
 
I tried skiing switch with regular skis and the back of my skis dug into the ground, double ejected and slid down the hill on my back.
 
13558356:AlsoKnownAs said:
but I did rock a fly one piece snowsuit until 98 or 99.
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as did pretty much every kid. you're lying to yourself if you cant say you've ever rocked the onesie snowsuit
 
13558362:skittiti said:
as did pretty much every kid. you're lying to yourself if you cant say you've ever rocked the onesie snowsuit
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True, I feel like today everyone has saga, or jiberish their first day on the slopes. You actually could tell based on outerwear if somebody knew what was up. Now have the steeziest looking kids in the park can barely turn around the features.

I sometimes forget. I'll see somebody that looks like they're going to crush it and watch them run into a feature then they fuck up their turns and ski into the side of it, double eject and cry, and you're like "oh..."
 
13558369:AlsoKnownAs said:
I sometimes forget. I'll see somebody that looks like they're going to crush it and watch them run into a feature then they fuck up their turns and ski into the side of it, double eject and cry, and you're like "oh..."
Click to expand...

This reminded me of my gaper years. I want to go back in time and beat the shit out of myself.
 
not exactly in line with the thread but quality gaper stoiy. So I got this metalic purple weomens onzie at the thrift store in bv. On gaper day I was working ski vallet at the aribelle in vail so I had access to madd gaper shiz. I found this pair of 125 rental skis in the basement that the rental binding was just big enought to fit my sole lingth when I slid the heal piece all the way back and the toe piece foward. I got these poles that were like 5 feet long and this giant ass helmet with super tiny goggles from the lost and found so the gap was epic.

I was walking up the cheeze grater stairs at the base and this lady totally acosted me with genuine concern. She was like (southern accent) "honey you cant do that with rental skis they is gonna charge you" and I was thinking "lady your blowing my cover"

Ill try to stop rambling but this shit is gold coming up. So I was going to go the the shack off chair 26 and role a joint and there were these kids right by the treverse dressed like they can shred. I role up like "u guys going to the shack"? They say "no we are just taking a piss". So I ask them if they want to and they fallow me there. I ski in the door of the shack and onto the logs and there are like a half dozen fools in there some dressed for gaper day some in regular gear. The first thing one says sic gaper suit and gives me a tall can of pbr. I had to go back to work but its gaper day fuck it. At this point the kids who fallowed me to the shack come butt sliding down with their skis and snowboards and stumble in the door.

They start asking me questions like if I built the shack and how many people knew about it. I role a joint and ask if anyone wants to hit it and one of the kids does. Ten more minutes of bouncing around the shack on my 125's and acting retarded and my tall can is finished. These kids tell me their going to role out and the one who smoked the weed is like "how long does this take to kick in?" "and what is this going to be like?"

One dude asks him if he ever smoked weed before and he says no.

We all watch as the group attempts to ski out of the trees with some REAL difficulty. so here is the punch line... We were all laughing our balls off until it hit me... Were they really gapers or were they playing soo hard they just fooled all of us "MINDFUCK."

To this day I still second guess myself on this incident I still don't know.

ps I also loaded rode and unloaded the gondola with my skis on that day
 
13558460:HAMNATION said:
not exactly in line with the thread but quality gaper stoiy. So I got this metalic purple weomens onzie at the thrift store in bv. On gaper day I was working ski vallet at the aribelle in vail so I had access to madd gaper shiz. I found this pair of 125 rental skis in the basement that the rental binding was just big enought to fit my sole lingth when I slid the heal piece all the way back and the toe piece foward. I got these poles that were like 5 feet long and this giant ass helmet with super tiny goggles from the lost and found so the gap was epic.

I was walking up the cheeze grater stairs at the base and this lady totally acosted me with genuine concern. She was like (southern accent) "honey you cant do that with rental skis they is gonna charge you" and I was thinking "lady your blowing my cover"

Ill try to stop rambling but this shit is gold coming up. So I was going to go the the shack off chair 26 and role a joint and there were these kids right by the treverse dressed like they can shred. I role up like "u guys going to the shack"? They say "no we are just taking a piss". So I ask them if they want to and they fallow me there. I ski in the door of the shack and onto the logs and there are like a half dozen fools in there some dressed for gaper day some in regular gear. The first thing one says sic gaper suit and gives me a tall can of pbr. I had to go back to work but its gaper day fuck it. At this point the kids who fallowed me to the shack come butt sliding down with their skis and snowboards and stumble in the door.

They start asking me questions like if I built the shack and how many people knew about it. I role a joint and ask if anyone wants to hit it and one of the kids does. Ten more minutes of bouncing around the shack on my 125's and acting retarded and my tall can is finished. These kids tell me their going to role out and the one who smoked the weed is like "how long does this take to kick in?" "and what is this going to be like?"

One dude asks him if he ever smoked weed before and he says no.

We all watch as the group attempts to ski out of the trees with some REAL difficulty. so here is the punch line... We were all laughing our balls off until it hit me... Were they really gapers or were they playing soo hard they just fooled all of us "MINDFUCK."

To this day I still second guess myself on this incident I still don't know.

ps I also loaded rode and unloaded the gondola with my skis on that day
Click to expand...

This is probably a good story but its too long.
 
My first year skiing I wore all black, gaper goggles, and skied on old pointy black skis that had rounded rusty edges.

So you could say I loved to rock that og blackout style of clothing.
 
In high school I wore a fart bag and had no idea what ski maintenance was. I never waxed my skis and my edges were straight rust.

I used to hate skiing powder because I had skinny skis. I thought everyone who skied powder just had mad knee problems. Didn't realize fat skis made it easier.

Peed my pants skiing once.

Bought pro model gear because I thought it would make me ski better. Turns out it just made me look like a poser.

Still can't slide a rail.

Tomahawked 60 ft down a line at Breck.

First time I tried a 360 I rotated short and my heel piece went inside my ass. Had to go to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. The anus was okay.

I gave Bobby Brown a pro callout and he laughed at me.

I bought snowblades and tuned them up.

Met a girl on tinder in a ski town. Slept over and hardcore clogged her toilet. Had to go buy a plunger while she made me breakfast. We're still friends.
 
My first time at Alyeska about five years ago I thought that I was hot shit so I jumped in the big park and tried to send one of the 25+ footers. I was on rentals, and I hauled ass over the first jumps roller to get more speed, and then I did the classic gaper move and went off the jump super backseat. The next thing that I knew was that I was sprawled out across the landing on my back with both of my skis 20 feet apart. Good times
 
13558524:chuckmarty said:
In high school I wore a fart bag and had no idea what ski maintenance was. I never waxed my skis and my edges were straight rust.

I used to hate skiing powder because I had skinny skis. I thought everyone who skied powder just had mad knee problems. Didn't realize fat skis made it easier.

Peed my pants skiing once.

Bought pro model gear because I thought it would make me ski better. Turns out it just made me look like a poser.

Still can't slide a rail.

Tomahawked 60 ft down a line at Breck.

First time I tried a 360 I rotated short and my heel piece went inside my ass. Had to go to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. The anus was okay.

I gave Bobby Brown a pro callout and he laughed at me.

I bought snowblades and tuned them up.

Met a girl on tinder in a ski town. Slept over and hardcore clogged her toilet. Had to go buy a plunger while she made me breakfast. We're still friends.
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You are the man! Keep on keeping' on
 
my first backflip attempt i only leaned back and ended up landing directly on my head

i used to sag my size small plaid snowpants and wear a size extra small DC jacket. Needless to say I thought I was the shit.

Was completely oblivious to the fact that there were any pro skiiers outside of the dew tour

Used to put Line skis stickers on my old beaten up K2s and told my friends I had next years afterbangs
 
I once skiied into one of those plastic orange fences, somehow my ski stretched the hole and then went through then it closed so I was stuck. Ski patrol had to come back out with something to cut me out. Never really understood what happened.
 
They second time I went skiing I picked it up pretty quickly and just took lessons to use the lift. I had some experience on the "big bunny hill" and thought I had my shit together. The issue was I was so confident that I knew what I was doing I ended up going on something that me with my 2 days of experience shouldn't have been on. I was with a group (school ski trip most of them had been skiers most of their life and I had just started) so we dropped in and I couldn't slow myself down very well. So like a runaway Ski patrol sled I was heading straight down the mountain on short flimsy rental skis, screaming so some unlucky Soccer mom and her children wouldn't end up becoming my airbag. I managed to avoid them (luckiest break I've ever had) and I just ran out the rest of the run. Long story short I almost killed myself and three other people because I thought I could ski whatever I wanted.
 
I used to have a helmet to big for my head and whenever I went of a jump it would pretty much fall off. I remember I had a video of me falling and my helmet falling off but still buckled around my neck
 
I used to rock a pair of lime green and purple plaid pants with a lime green coat and a race helmet and all of it was about two sizes too small.

Always rocked the gaper gap.

had a pair of volkl race skis in 156 when I was almost 6'

proceeded to strait air every jump in the park

fell almost every time and couldn't get up without taking my skis off

I can now strait air with out flailing

still cant slide boxes or rails

I can do the switch on bunny hills

Yeah I'm still a gaper, i just cover it up with nice gear to make my self feel better.
 
i used to go off of the sides of the rail kickers.

i had atomic race skis, and this fucking stupid red jacket that made me look like a moron.

The moral of the story is that we were all gapers at one point
 
Last year I skied on 149 cm skis and I was 6'0.... On the last week of Hyland I was coming in hot to a big jump wearing a small high school sweater and I overshot by 20 feet and flailed in the air and feared for my life
 
13558369:AlsoKnownAs said:
True, I feel like today everyone has saga, or jiberish their first day on the slopes. You actually could tell based on outerwear if somebody knew what was up. Now have the steeziest looking kids in the park can barely turn around the features.

I sometimes forget. I'll see somebody that looks like they're going to crush it and watch them run into a feature then they fuck up their turns and ski into the side of it, double eject and cry, and you're like "oh..."
Click to expand...

This is super true, there used to be a time where the guy who was dressed in the steeziest looking shit was the best skier on the hill, and if you saw someone you didn't recognize you always watched to see if they were living up to the gear they were wearing.
 
Had a large helmet with tiny white goggles for a huge gap. Then i bought a gopro cause I thought it would be epic. I used the j clip on top of my helmet so it looked really dumb (gopro owners know what a j clip is). I also had volkl race skis that i got used for $90 and were 149cm when i was 5' 8'. I had boots I bought online because the ones I got used broke in 1 day because the heel plates fell off. Did the typical little kid thing and undershot a jump in the "big park" probably 25 ft jump and i went 10 and doubld ejected onto my face. Now i actually kind of know what im doing lol.
 
My first year competing (about 5 years ago) I was 11 and I thought I had the coolest setup. I wore orange oneil pants, purple yellow and grey orage coat, my helmet was orange and I wore rainbow electric goggles over my helmet. With the earmuffs out...
 
I use to wear this ugly old race helmet that I got from salvation army with a super small sky blue sweater and super small wall-mart marshmallow pants. Everything was tight as fuck and looked super un-proportional. I wore size small stuff because I was afraid of looking fat. Even though I'm a normal height skinny guy. My skis were long ass alpine skis paired with extremely heavy size 33 boots (I'm size 26.5). I would hit the jumps, knuckle them and talk about with my friends how much air I got even though the jump gives you like 2 feet of air. I'd even use the rail lips as jumps. Everyone would stare at me and I just thought I was cool, but then I eventually realized...
 
When I started skiing park I was getting sendy with 50 inch poles, I wasn't skiing like a gaper but I sure as hell felt like one.

Also I rocked a gaper gap about as big as Chad's Gap back in the day
 
I used to used hookit to get sponsors and

Legitimately thought I was a pro skier. I could barely 50-50 a box to make it better. Almost applied to the dumont cup lmao
 
13558524:chuckmarty said:
In high school I wore a fart bag and had no idea what ski maintenance was. I never waxed my skis and my edges were straight rust.

I used to hate skiing powder because I had skinny skis. I thought everyone who skied powder just had mad knee problems. Didn't realize fat skis made it easier.

Peed my pants skiing once.

Bought pro model gear because I thought it would make me ski better. Turns out it just made me look like a poser.

Still can't slide a rail.

Tomahawked 60 ft down a line at Breck.

First time I tried a 360 I rotated short and my heel piece went inside my ass. Had to go to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't bleeding. The anus was okay.

I gave Bobby Brown a pro callout and he laughed at me.

I bought snowblades and tuned them up.

Met a girl on tinder in a ski town. Slept over and hardcore clogged her toilet. Had to go buy a plunger while she made me breakfast. We're still friends.
Click to expand...

holy shit the last story had me crying
 
one of my first 360 attempts was off a mogul jump into a really soft landing, I ended up only spinning 180 and landed on my tails. rolled backwards and my tips dug into the snow almost all the way up to my boots, and my head was buried up to just past my goggles. I couldn't reach my skis and had to wait until someone came and unclicked my skis.
 
When I was first learning how to ski switch, I never really caught onto the fact that I needed to always be looking over my shoulder. I usually did, but when I would turn I would switch shoulders. So this one time while I'm bombing the hill switch I do a turn and switch shoulders just in time to see a little kid (probably 8-10) turn right in front of me.

I smoked the kid full speed but I grabbed him full bear-hug style so he didn't hit the ground. Carried him for a solid 20m, plopped him down, asked if he was okay, and skied away in shame. I'm lucky there was no parent there to scream at me lol
 
I was a smaller human at this time. Aged between 6 and 8, I didn't want to bother my ski school by making them wait for me when draining the main vein. So I used to piss in my cotton Long John's, after the first few times I discovered a rush of warmth and continued to do this for a couple of years, only feeling ashamed when getting home and sneaking to the bathroom to wash my underwear in the bath.
 
13559052:finkinsella said:
I was a smaller human at this time. Aged between 6 and 8, I didn't want to bother my ski school by making them wait for me when draining the main vein. So I used to piss in my cotton Long John's, after the first few times I discovered a rush of warmth and continued to do this for a couple of years, only feeling ashamed when getting home and sneaking to the bathroom to wash my underwear in the bath.
Click to expand...

Definitely needed a new account for that one, good call
 
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