funny jokes

Reed.

Reed.

Active member
im startinf a funny joke thread, hopefully it lives on for a loooooong time, add your joke to the funniness....

Why dont pirates smoke cigarettes??

Cuz they smoke cigarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrs

LD CREW REPRESENT!!!
 
What did the frog say about the mushroom after the party?

'He's a FUN GUY'

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how much did the pirate pay for his earings?

a buck-an-ear.

a pirate went to a movie and it was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrr

i love pirate jokes they are the best

'i am still awsome'
 
What do a possum and the seattle seahawks have in common?

both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Where do u go if there is a tornado in seattle?

seahawks stadium, they never get a touchdown.

How do u keep the seahawks out of your yard?

put a goalpost up

'My Dad is a mechanic, so I bet I am a lot better at stripping and screwing than you are!'~ some weird kid
 
What do you call a dog with no hind legs and balls of steal???

Sparky

++++++++++++++++++++

Keep it live 24/7 365

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

WHOOOO!!! BUMS GONE WILD 2002!! WOOOOO!
 
How do you kill a clown?

Hit him in the face with an axe.

''...if one was so inclined.''

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''damn it TAK, you ruined everything''

-witchbaby666

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''Potatoe'' -Dan Quayle

''patatoe'' -NS member

 
There was this penguin named pete. Pete the penguin had a car which was playing up on him so he took it to get repaired.

later on that afternoon pete stopped and bought an ice cream. Being a penguin, with a beak, he nmade a bloody huge mess trying to eat it. When he walked into the garage station the mechanic popped out from under the car and said 'from what i can tell you've blown a seal' then pete the penguin said 'oh no its only ice cream'

__________________________

Proud to be able to post the 1000th reply in the MAD LIBS post!!!

Just JIB It!!
 
There once was a man named bob, he was dead and went to hell, now being in hell really depressed Bob, so he started crying. Now this deamon seemingly concerned walked up to him and asked him 'what's wrong mate?'

'what the fuck do you think is wrong? I'm IN HELL!' says Bob, now this seemed to concern the demon

'awwww now hell aint so bad, no need to cry about it. Hey! are you a drinking man?' replies the demon. Bob nodded, he'd been quite the drinker when he was alive

'well then you'll love mondays! we drink and drink and drink untill we pass out, it's all great fun'

'well that doesn't seem too bad' says bob

'And are ya a smoking man? cause if you are you'll LOVE wednesday! We smoke the finest cigars and cigarettes all day, and you cant get cancer cause your already dead!'

'wow that does seem pretty good' says bob

'Ya! And are you Gay?' asks the demon

'Hell no!'

'ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh well then your not going to like saturdays.

'we need lectures from people, not from soviet canuckistan'-american 'intellect'
 
So these 2 penguins are in the showers after being in the hot tub, and the one goes, 'Hey burt, can you please pass the soap?'

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Mountain Creek Militia-the future to be seen by all...

NJHC represent
 
haha, rob that penguin one was golden man

.:: P A T ::.

{2002-2003 MCM}

New Jersey ~ Only The Strong Survive.

Phattim: I think youll find that its Australia where they fuck sheep. STOP FUCKING CALLING ME AUSTRALIAN!!!

 
Guanlet don't start that shit in here, im on to you.

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*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

Suck My Dick ! ! !

--Yes, but do you know the muffin man?--

 
Ur an asshole.

How do u know ur staying in a red kneck hotel?

u phone the front desk and say: i gotta leak in the sink, and they reply: oh sure go ahead.

Whats the diff between the rolling stones and Scottsman?

Rolling stones say: hey u get off of my cloud, Scottsman says: hey mcleod get off of my yew.

 
Why did the gorrila fall out of the tree?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

-Dan

I canm't belives that Lou Kang is dead... faaack.

'Fruckin' hiccups'
 
two penquins are sitting in a bathtub, penguin number 1 says to penguin number 2 'pass the soap' penguin number 2 says to penguin number 1 'what do i look like? a fucking typewriter?'

'proud citzen of the NS Isle'

BE YOURSELF
 
WHat is the diffrence bettweeen a jew and a pizza? pizzzas dont scream when u put them in the oven.

Who is the best jewish cook?? Hitler

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THE POWER IS YOURS

Our world is in peril. Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plagueing our planet. She sends five magic rings to five special young people: Kwame, from Africa, with the power of Earth. From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire. From Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of Wind. From Asia, Gi, with the power of Water. And from South America, Ma-Ti, with the power of Heart. When the five powers combine, they summon Earth's greatest champion, Captain Planet!

 
These to guys walk into a bar....

Gee you'd think the second guy would have ducked

+++++++++++++++++++++++

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

Suck My Dick ! ! !

--Yes, but do you know the muffin man?--

 
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

He was dead.

Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree?

He had his dick up the first monkey's ass.

Why did the bird fall out of the tree?

He was nailed to the second monkey.

Why did the forth monkey fall out of the tree?

He thought it was a game.

''...if one was so inclined.''

----------------------------------------

''damn it TAK, you ruined everything''

-witchbaby666

----------------------------------------

''Potatoe'' -Dan Quayle

''patatoe'' -NS member

 
Nooooo it is, Why did the monkey die? because he fell out of the tree. and its soo funny because monkeys like never fall out of trees.. hahah i love that joke

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THE POWER IS YOURS

Our world is in peril. Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plagueing our planet. She sends five magic rings to five special young people: Kwame, from Africa, with the power of Earth. From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire. From Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of Wind. From Asia, Gi, with the power of Water. And from South America, Ma-Ti, with the power of Heart. When the five powers combine, they summon Earth's greatest champion, Captain Planet!

 
How do you hide a convict????

Paint his balls orange and hide him in an orange-tree

Whats the loudest cry in the jungle?

A native picking oranges

How do you hide an Elephant with a stripe?

Paint his eyes red and hide him in a cherry-tree

Have you ever seen an elephant with a stripe?

See it works

+++++++++++++++++++++++

*Proud Member Of The Hobum Posse

Suck My Dick ! ! !

--Yes, but do you know the muffin man?--

 
so this Mrs. H was having a 'taste it' day in her grade 4 class. she had all her kids line up and she would then tell them to close their eyes and she would proceed to stick a candy in their mouth and they would have to guess what it was.. so she got to little billy and put a hershey's kiss in his mouth and asked.'well what do u think it is?' little billy didn't know, so she gave him a hint ' what does your dad always ask your mom for in the morning?' little billy thought about it for a min. and replied ' 'i dont know.' all of a sudden sally piped up and said 'billy don't eat it. its a piece of ass!'

i dont know so much
 
sooo funny

_________________________________________________________

Pakenhammerz 03

Bitchin, truly Bitchin

L1P

www.level1productions.com

www.pakenhammerz.cjb.com

 
Please not that i am not trying to be inconsiderate of the Jewish people...

Why did hitler commit suicide....

He got his Gas bill

What happens when a Jew walks into a wall with a boner....

He breaks his nose

^^^Drop into the Pipe and Smoke it^^^
 
ok this ones gay but

i think everyone knows it...

a wife and husband were playing golf and they both tee'd off and went out of bounds into a paddock of cows, the man and wife go into the paddock and start looking the man looks up and sees a cow in distress and he notced a white thing near its ass and sure enough it was a golf ball, so he crept over and lifted up the cow's tail to look at it, and shouted to his wife

'this looks like yours!'

the next minute the man found himself with a golfclub wrapped aroung his head, and his wife was storming off furiosly.

Lagwagon. Is it legal to marry a band?
 
WHistlermann, niiice joke man, haha.

----------------

Mountain Creek Militia-the future to be seen by all...

NJHC represent

Proud member of the Hobum Posse..
 
Whats worse than being told by your doctor u have vd?

Being told be your dentist.

Wanna hear a story?

Hear about the duck that ran a marathon

 
A guy wins the lottery and comes home and tells his wife to pack her bags. His wife says 'should I pack for the beach or the mountains?' He says 'I don't give a shit, just get the fuck out.'

A guy walks into a bar and orders a double shot of whiskey. The bartender asks the man what's wrong. 'I drank too much and blew chunks last night.' The bartender replies 'thats ok, we all throw up sometimes.' The man says 'no you don't understand, chunks is my dog's name.'

ski hard

without the bitter baby the sweet ain't as sweet-my boy jason lee
 
who would win a race, 2 lesbians or 2 gay guys?

the lesbians of couse. they take off lickity-split, while the homos have to go home and pack their shit.

DAMN GLOBAL WARMING!
 
Q-What is the diffrence between a pizza and a jew?A-Pizzas dotn scream when u through them in the oven

Q-Who is the best jewish cook? A-Hitler

---------------------------

THE POWER IS YOURS

Our world is in peril. Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plagueing our planet. She sends five magic rings to five special young people: Kwame, from Africa, with the power of Earth. From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire. From Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of Wind. From Asia, Gi, with the power of Water. And from South America, Ma-Ti, with the power of Heart. When the five powers combine, they summon Earth's greatest champion, Captain Planet!

 
Yo sorry guys i guess im ignorant... i dont get the penguin jokes..... explain someone??? some racial jokes or some shiat like that..

-My bad-

 
4 gay guys are sittin in a hot tub, a condom floats up, the first guy says to the second, 'who farted?'

LD CREW REPRESENT!!!
 
Whats strong enough for a man but made for a woman?

-the back of my hand bitch!

How do you circumsize a redneck?

-kick his sister in the jaw

A guy walks into the bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks 'whats the celebration'. The guy says 'my first blow job'. The bartender being a nice guy says, 'Hey congrats man, here have another shot on the house'. The guy looks up and says 'if 10 shots won't get that taste out of my mouth i don't think one more will.'

'we need lectures from people, not from soviet canuckistan'-american 'intellect'
 
Back to the pirates for a second:

-So a pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hey, you have a steering wheel in your crotch'. So the pirate says, 'ARRRR! It's drivin' me nuts!'

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me

the axe.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality

comes from morons?

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

_________________________________

Prime Minister Of The Cabinet Of the Erics Penis Fan Club

Would the real Vern Fonk please show up?
 
GODDAAAAM!!!!

''...if one was so inclined.''

----------------------------------------

''damn it TAK, you ruined everything''

-witchbaby666

----------------------------------------

''Potatoe'' -Dan Quayle

''patatoe'' -NS member

 
All ya'll best best for a smaq-down:

AT LEAST ONE OF THESE SHOULD OFFEND ALMOST

EVERYONE

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend

and a wife?

45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend

and a husband?

45 minutes.

How many women does it take to change

a light bulb?

None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that

are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband

and a new dog?

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have

no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars

they have no intention of driving.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it's good for the dishwasher to

match the stove and refrigerator.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all

in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they

have sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine

and a BMW?

A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out

she was pregnant?

'Are you sure it's mine?'

What's the difference between Beer Nuts

and Deer Nuts?

Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always

under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

What would you call it when an Italian has one

arm shorter than the other?

A speech impediment.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

He walks around saying 'Yo.'

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck

schools use the car only on Mondays,

; Wednesdays and Fridays?

Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the

Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the difference between a Southern zoo,

and a Northern zoo?

A Southern zoo has a description of the

animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?

Row row row your boat.

What's the difference between a Northern

fairytale and a Southern fairytale?

A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a

time.' A Southern fairytale begins ''Y'all ain't

gonna believe this.'

''...if one was so inclined.''

----------------------------------------

''damn it TAK, you ruined everything''

-witchbaby666

----------------------------------------

''Potatoe'' -Dan Quayle

''patatoe'' -NS member

 
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