Funniest thing you've heard someone say?

JRubes

JRubes

Member
Kinda bored so I'm wondering... what are some of the funniest things you've ever heard from someone. I mean in person too. Or just any thing recent that provides a good laugh. For example the quote in my signature.
 
Good idea i guess but i smell a fail, this thread will be full with "you had to be there" moments...

but we'll see
 
you know how those campbells chicken noodle soup things have red plastic tops with holes in them? my friend told me it was there so the chicken can breathe...
 
i actually heard it here on NS check it:

https://www.newschoolers.com/web/forums/readthread/thread_id/507624/
 
Thats hilarious. The last one like that I heard was "Well, fuck me in the butt and call me Charlie"... I think i like that one a bit more.
 
Well no one said it but when I was in elementary school, grade 7 to be exact. We walk around a corner of the school and there's a kinda mini forest thing with a couple trees and shit in it, and some little girl in like grade 2 or 3 was just making out with this tree. Like full on. Me and my friends started laughing so fucking hard, but she was too far away to hear. She goes at it for like a good minute, stopping a couple times and looking at the tree like she was trying to seduce it. There's also like a bunch of kids scattered around this area that didn't even seem to notice the phenomena that was unfolding before them. I often wish I could relive that moment...so good
 
i tried to give you +k just for being retarded and making me laugh, but even when i gave you 10/10, your karma remained at 0....this seems interesting..fix?
 
While I was walking down congress street in Portland, Maine I see a guy up ahead trying to park his truck with his wife on the sidewalk yelling at him. They were an older couple and looked like they probably lived in the woods, you know dirty and toothless. When i finally got up to the couple the lady turns to me and says, "God damn it, I told him not to drive after he's taken that many pills".

Also, in New York I saw a like 30 year old black woman walking down the middle of the street singing "Yes indeed, I smokes that fuckin' weed"
 
last year i was playing COD4 and i shot a guy on my team and killed him

he sent me a voice message telling me how stupid i was and that he was going to hunt me down and kill my family and stuff like that

 
I was playing COD MW2 and we worked this team... So once the game is over, a kid on my team goes "woww you guys are fags you were camping the whole time"....and a kid on the other team with the funniest voice says "we weren't camping! we were too afraid to move!!"
 
my friends and i were chilling in my friends room and my friend yells to his brother "dylan if youre gonna be a cock, get the shit out!!" it made no sense at all. needless to say, we still make fun of him for saying this.
also i have a friend who says the most random shit ever (he's actually on NS but idk his name). he calls people chicken sandwiches and calls me an egg-beater. it makes no sense at all. most people find him annoying but its his niche in the world i guess.
 
i know what you mean my brothers friend calls people dick wrinkle and tuna salad and weird shit like that. doesn't make much sense but its funny
 
you're signature is wrong, and by wrong i mean your aesop quote.

"lifes not a bitch, life is a beautiful woman, you only call her a bitch because she won't let you get that pussy."
 
My friend asked this hoe about college and said...

"What are you majoring in? Small tit bitch who sucks dick?"
 
Hahaha nice. Me and like 3 or 4 kids at my table were playing hangman in our mechanics class because our teacher is retarded and it's like the most boring class ever. I write down the lines and everyone but 1 kid ask "what's the subject?" and the other kid like 2 seconds later just has the biggest grin on his face and he's like "hey guys, what's the, JUBject?" It was so funny, cause it was like the kid that everyone makes fun of in a jokingly way, and he thought it was going to be like really funny. He bug him about it so much.
 
When I was a freshman in college, the dorms were set up so that two rooms shared one bathroom and were called suites. So anyways, one night I heard my suitemate through the wall having sex with his girlfriend, and then they got in the shower. A few minutes later I heard her yell, "What the hell! Are you peeing in the shower?" He responded by saying, "It's not that gross, considering I just washed your shit off my dick." I've probably heard funnier but this was the first thing that came to mind.
 
during a preview for a school play that we were forced into watching a guy was giving a girl a backrub and the line was bend over and tell me if this feels good, i have no idea what im doing. and some kid yelled thats what she said really loud and the whole auditorium of like 600+ people busted out laughing
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top