Funniest thing you've ever heard a cop say

Some friends and I were jogging through the mall cause we were late to meet my friend's dad, this was way back in 8th grade. This mall cop comes up to us screaming:

'stop right there! What are you doing?" we were confused. He then proceeds to tell us that we tried to run from 2 of his "security officers' and then split up to get away, when I say that he told us this, I mean he screamed it at us.

me: "we're late to meet my friend's dad. we split up because there was a pillar right back there, which we went around. I didn't notice your friends, i dont really pay attention to you guys.'

he then proceeds to tell us that we can either come with him or he will take us down right in front of everyone. this is the weediest, shrimpiest guy ever.

me: "actually, we were just about to leave, and we haven't done anything. so can we just go?'

but we had to come with him. he grilled us for 2 hours, his rationale was that since we were running, we must have done something illegal. finally after 2 hours...

"all right, now the sheriff is gonna come talk to you, you better show him some more respect otherwise you are in for a world of trouble."

the sheriff was a friendly looking bald guy.

sheriff: 'oh, you boys go to loudoun valley? (our high school) i went there too, great school. you can go now.'

not the funniest story, but isn't that ridiculous? i still see that mall cop from time to time, once saw him handcuffing a kid holding a cap gun. people like that must have been pushed around in school so much.
 
cop- what are you guys doing out so late?

me- we are jumping over stuff and filming it..

cop- your what?

me- jumping over stuff, like bushes and bench's...

cop- (to my friend) what are you holding?

my friend- goose feet...

cop- what??

my friend- plastic goose feet, for a decoy goose..

cop- its late you guys should call it a night..

me- OK
 
i was at the police station getting my bike back, and this guy came by riding and i said, get off your bike the cops will take it because they are doo doo heads, in a child voice, and the cop said, Shit has hit the fan kid. ahahah i just lollerskated away
 
i heard about this on the radio

Woman get pulled over for speeding in Texas. and the cop hands her a ticket

Woman: is this a ticket to one of those balls that you all have once a year?

Cop: us texan cops dont have balls

Cop realizing what he said walked away without giving her the ticket
 
this happaned on the 4th

cop: hey you kids have any fireworks on you? i heard some stuff go off over here

us: no sir were just walking

cop: i call shenanigans on you

us: no sir no shenanigans here

cop: bullshit. i know what your up to

us: sir were not doing anything

cop : ive got my eye on you and your shenanigans

and we were all thizing hard so it was fucking hillarious and crazy
 
Ypur police suck ass. Ours dont do anything or arrest anyone or whatever. I dont know a single person thats been stopped or searched. And Its a small area so I know everyone between 16 and 25
 
Back in high school, my best friend Caasi used to wear really bad makeup. Because of this, we called her Yolanda and would only speak Spanish when we were with her. She was pretty sensitive about it, so we finally got over giving her shit abotu it but she still looked like a Mexican.

Caasi/Yolanda, a few others and I were up on this bench smoking out, drinking a few beers and shooting the shit. The cops got called blah blah blah. They sat us down and were getting our information. We all lived in the same neighborhood so none of us had ID so they were being really meticulous about it. They finally get to Caasi:

"Name?" Caasi Bonaura.

"Birthdate?" 1/22/87

"Ethnicity?" Caucasian.

"No seriously. What race are you?" White, sir. I'm Italian.

"Miss, you're clearly Mexican."

At this point she burst into tears.

I have never laughed so hard in my life.

They didn't give us any tickets or anything, but we DID find out we were smoking out infront of the Mayor's house. Brilliant.

Another cop was with his partner, who was giving me my third MIP. I'm sitting there trying to talk my way out of it and the guy not giving me the ticket looks at me, looks at his partner and says: "Man, lets just leave. I got two MIPs when I was in college!"

Ticket-writing cop: "SHUT UP."

Never in my life have I heard a cop yell at his partner... until them. (FYI: they gave out 52 MIPs at that party).
 
hahaha here they just let it go or arrest you, no mip's what the fuck is the point is it like a ticket you have to pay a fine or something?
 
our campus cop in high school, he's a real cop from the local station, his name was officer behrbaum which is pronounced "beer bomb", but when said sounds like officer beer bong. so thats what we called him.
 
"why are you rollin around with all this parifanilia? you should just smoke out of a can..."

When i got my parifanilia charge with 4 pipes a bat a bong and a sack of grass.

 
just today a cop was printing a parking ticket for a car at an expired parking meter and as I walked by I slipped a quarter into the meter, and he was so mad, he was like "hey, hey, that doesnt work! that doesn't do anything!" And i just kept walking and turned around and smiled at him, omg he was so pissed it was hilarious. And some people nearby him were laughing at him and everything. this is going to be my new hobby.

 
I go to ohio state and I was at my friends kegger who everyone who lives in that house were under 21 probably 95% or more of the people there were under 21 and all of a sudden cops come into the house. I was out back at the time and someone comes out and tells people so I put my cup down but wasnt sure what was gonna happen. It turns out the cops were really cool and just were chilling at the party for a while. One of my friend had like $300 on him cause he was going to try and buy a ticket for the osu michigan game the next day (he ended up buying a fake ticket btw) but he was trying to get the cop to use his taser flashing the money in the cops face just tempting him. The cop was taking the cartridge off just making the taser go off without actually shotting off the charges that go in you. I guess it wasnt really a funny story but it was just awesome cause everyone was drunk, beer pong was going on, and the cops were just really chill. Kinda hard to believe cause now during game days they can just walk up to porches and id you and give u mips. Did it to one of my friend, they were just dressed in osu jerseys and looked normal.
 
just finished smoking a joint with 3 buddies, i'm in the back seat. cops light flash, we pull over. says he pulled us over for a busted tail light (it was an audi, and they have the rear fog light feature which turns on 2 out of the 3 brake lights on, and the function was on) gives us a warning, starts to walk away. stops, turns around, sticks his head in the window and says "by the way, stop smoking so much pot" and leaves. trip and a half.
 
About 2 months ago i was just driving to a gas station for some food that i always go to with friends, i park right in front of the store. Before i can get out of my car a cop car parks horizontaly behind me, starts yelling at us to get out of the car with your hands up, I was eating sunflower seeds at the time. I get out of the car lock my doors and shit and i ask him whats the problem, he grabs my arm throws me on the curb and calls for back up and grabs face and starts yelling at me to open my mouth and to comply, so right now im freaking out, some random ass cop is trying to stick his hand down my throat and i have no idea whats going on, APPARENTLY he thought i was swollowing crack, i even had to go to the hospital to take a drug test and shit. Now theres about 6 cop cars at the place and i guess my car matched the description of some car that was doing donouts in the parking lot i just came to (i drive a black jeep grand cherokee not a very rare car), but any ways i got fucked over cus i had a beer in my system and i had to take a breath test, got an mip tho cus it was shit for alchohal and the fact they harrased me so much, my license is gone for antoher 2 months tho

prolly had to be there
 
man im so glad i dont live in the states. we have none of this mip bullshit. its only illegal for a minor to buy alcohol, but they can drink at home, carry booze, whatever.

also, paraphenalia possession isnt illegal in our state.
 
Cop replying to my friend wearing a COPS LIE t-shirt: Well I guess we do sometimes, ha ha, just take it easy on your way home tonight I think I might see ya swerving a bit.
 
I heard this one from my buddie

So they were drinking Sparks (that energy with booze in it) and lighting off fireworks.

So the cops show up and this one kid is pretty drunk by then

Cop - You are going to have to pour those drinks out

Kid - Can I pour it out into my mouth?

Cop - No, pour them out on the fire works

Kid - But Officer, it says on the fireworks not go get Sparks near the fuses
 
hahaha

NoOb!!!!!

thanks for the laugh bro

and i know your not joking cuz no one in thier right mind would joke about not knowing what a mip was!
 
in kent state university

cop- you boys are 21 right

me- last time i checked

cop-well let me refresh your memory

me- ok all you (i hand him my ID)

cop-9-5-89, looks like last time you check you where right

me- told you

cop- you have a good night
 
haha thats good. i thought it was pretty funny when a cop discribd the car i was drving ( a blue excursion ) as a black truck w/ a cap.
 
this is the cops i think of. fucking pieces of shit.

i wont say any of the cops in these threads are cool, but some of them just do it for the money, they dont get off by fucking over kids and reaching up peoples asses to find drugs, and theyre not super idealistic thinking that their gonna save the fucking world. These ones dont bother me.

back in the old days, ny city police just protected people thats all they did, they didnt fuck with people or break into houses they just protected people, thats the way it should be, but now alot of the cops these days are the kids that got thrown in a dumpster for ratting on the potsmokers.
 
one of my neighbors used to call the cops on us every day for riding dirtbikes, for for the last day of summer we decided to do this.. this is only like 1/2 of them.

dickyard.jpg


 
oh and almoat all of the cops around here are dicks. weve had 2 cop cars and a fucking drug dog pull up for 10 people standing o nthe sidewalk at 10:45 at night. they started giving us shit and made us all go in, then they drove by like 5 more times that night. then 4 days later the same 2 cops pull up and hassle us about dirtbiking, but they didnt have any proof it was us so they just left. then the next day the same 2 cops came,, only this time my buddy was out in the road working on his in front of his car, and the guy pulls up ask's if its registered or insurred. he says no and hes like alright, by the time im done with you, you wont have your lisencs till your 30.

the only time i have come across a cool cop was when i was skating downtown with a friend, there was a landscaping trailer with the things down for the lawns movers and stuff to drive them up/down. well my friend rode up the ramp, manualed across the trailer and kickflipped off, he turns around and a cop comes up and was like hey that was a neat trick. oh and i dont thing this belongs to you, so your should stay off it. bye.
 
i got pulled over doin 78 in a 40 and the cop walks up and askes me if i know how fast i was goin

i said: uhh, over the speed limit?

i thought it was kinda funny

 
So i was driving home after smoking a bowl... and i came to a rolling stop at stop sign, and i see lights flashing in the mirror. the cop comes over, looks at me and says 'you're eyes look red, you been smoking dope?" so i said 'your eyes look glazed, you been eatin donuts?" he said "touche" and left

 
" if you promise me to slow the fuck down, i wont write you a ticket"

me and my buddy comming back to school after going out for lunch, doin 115 in a 60, 55 over.
 
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