Funniest Shiz your grandparents would say or do say....

this summer, at this fancy restaruant, my grandfather started hitting on a 20 year old waitress. I was like "yeaah", he has still got it in him.
 
okay okay okay. now that you asked...

so... in our family/in the town of elvisheim... it means this tastes bland/this is boring

but in english it translates to "this tastes like a dead jew"

if you put that in context of what time period my grandparents grew up in... its horrible... and yet so funny.
 
one time, at a restaurant in north carolina, with my grandma sitting right there my grandpa asked the waitress if he could have "and ice cream sundae with you on it"

also, he taught me to play blackjack wheni was 6 and mixed me a drink when i was 10. hes a good guy.
 
my grandmother is scared girls are gonna call me a slut cause i hang out with more guys than girls. and my grandmother constantly asks me why gay men have to be so upfront and cut women's hair.
 
"Right before i die i want one of those hot nurses to give me a lap dance" -Earnie Cooper R.I.P. ill miss ya grandpa
 
my grandparents were telling my parents, my brother, and I about their trip to maryland

"We would eat out about every night. One time we had a bad experience with crabs..."

my grandfather is a total racist and is called names like "winter bottom" and "turkey dear" by my grandmother
 
my grandpa is exactlly like cotton hill. and by exactly i mean that in every way except for the no shin thing
 
My Grandma hates when the "blackies" or "Nigris" win on the price is right. She pronounces niggers like that.

Once she was like, "oh it's you, I keep thinking you're a girl because of your hair", but in a tone that wasn't like she was saying anything possibly insulting if you know what I mean.

And other various racist un-PC things.
 
its sooo fucking true

on christmas my dad gave my grandma a bunch of pics of my family. she finds the one of my sister and shes like omgg shes so beautiful in ths pictue.... shes so white. my dads like what? you dont like black people? and she like last time she came over, she looked like a damn nigger! this was when my other grandma was there whos basically a nun. its was hilarious

 
ohhhhh my grandma is so racist ist awesome, she lives on the border of mexico though so she hates mexicans.

one time she said "i hope they start to get more earthquakes in san fransico, maybe it will kill all the queers out there"
 
well my grandfather is really into the stock market and spends about 10 hours a day on the computer one time when we were there my granmother was like "i could leave the house for a week and the only thing he would notice is that he isnt getting his food" it was pretty funny at the time.
 
One time my grandpa said this my cousin was clearly in his baseball uniform cleats and all with glove and hat.. so later on after the game still with his stuff on we were eating and my grandpa goes .. hey sean.. What arya a quarter back >? it was priceless
 
oh yea my grandpa taught me how to play poker when i was 8...my mom got soooooooooooooooooooooo mad at him
 
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