Funniest Shiz your grandparents would say or do say....

Gnl.Weirdness

Gnl.Weirdness

Active member
My grandfather used to say:

"I am going to go lay some pipe now."

Before he was gonna go stink up the house.

I wish I remember him better, but yeh that shit used to get me.

Anyone else got some good ones?
 
My grandpa used to say holy christmas like every other sentence.

his tone of voice instantly turned it into a classic.

me and my sister accidently burst out laughing one time and couldnt stop. oh the fun memories haha.
 
My grandpa that died used to carry a golf club in his car and call everyone a "son of a beach" on the freeway, good stuff

and the worst was when my grandma was explainng a procedure were u get your penis cleaned out and she was like im pretty sure its called a rim job
 
not really funny but my grandma pronounces white in a wierd way and my Gpa says skoooo i dunno it just is wut sticks in my head o and he calls people turkeys alot. my other gma says "says" instead of said and the other Gpa says chink and nigger alot.....
 
my grandpa would watch my neighbor from out window, and when the fat kid came outside to play he would call for my Gma and be like "Trilby! the Fat kid is back out!" and they would watch him.
 
my grampa says "holy doodle" and " i used to look like a greek god, now i look like a god damn greek"

one time he told me " you know i used to grow marijuana, back before it was illegal"

and upon retelling the good old days " i had good looks and a big cock, i got all the girls i could ever want"
 
My grandfather on my dads side used to make a farting sound with his mouth when I was little and I'd laugh every single time. Prolly why I burst into laughter every time I hear a good one rip now.
 
my friends grandma had kemo so her hair all was gone and as it was growing back it was reall short and fizzy so she said jesus christ i cant wait to get rid of this nigger wool she also refered to it as her nig wig it was funny when she said it shes like 85
 
whenever my grampa thinks people are being idiots he says..."Look its two monkeys fuckin a football."

that one grosses me out a bit.haha
 
my great grandma called her mentally handicapped son a fatass under her breath when he ate a piece of chocolate. im pretty sure thats teh first time i have ever tried to be politically correct
 
haha like 2 days ago my grandparents talked about some old friend of them, when my grandmum said "he was an old jerk....he used to jerk off all the time while i was cleaning the shop" haha i almost pissed myself
 
my grandpa and i somehow got started talking about drinking and i was like 16 at the time and he said, "well shane i'm sure you've had a drink. i know i did at that age. heck i started when i was 14. just wait another year and you'll be fine."
 
well one time when my great grandma was having dinner..her boobs were sagging wayyy past the table..so she picked them up and put them on the table and said "damn useless things"
 
My grandpa goes to church two times a week, and a good person. But, its funny because everytime we watch a sporting event on the tv he will just start saying Nigger, and goes off on black people.
 
My parents were going away and my grandma asked me if I was going to have an orgy at my house. My grandpa is very open about things so he tells us grandchildren to bring our young lady friends around. He's weird but funny as hell. Also if you've ever seen everybody loves raymond then you know frank. He is almost exactly like my grandpa.
 
Just after my Grandpa married his second wife he was in the garage with my Dad and Me and told us he'd just made a discovery. He told us he found this little bit of "gristle" down between his wife's legs and when he played with it she'd go nuts. He didn't want us to miss out on a good thing.

I feel kinda bad for my Grandma (his first wife) who never had that kind of fun.
 
Aha I remember we were in Cape Cod and my grandpa was trying to work the DVD player and it would play so he just bursts out, "GOD DAMN NIPS AND THEIR FANCY MACHINES" It was hillarious
 
last time i visited them my grandpa striaght up told me i didnt belong in the family...

my grandpa says things like "those god damn niggers!"

and my grandma said that she doesnt like black people movies.
 
i had just gotten my bangs cut a couple years ago and my grandmother was like "you look like one of those simpson girls with that new fancy haircut" i was like, they dont have bangs, do you mean another blonde girl? and shes like "yah who's that whore thats all over the tv these days?" (meaning paris hilton)

hahaha i laughed when she said whore
 
my moms step dad was crazy. he would scream at my grandma to get him a beer but he'd never call her by her name. he'd be like "PEG GET ME A BEER" all the time.

and if somenoe interupted his golf game.

he'd be like "Shut The Fuck Up!" also one time he needed help getting up so he could go to the washroom but I was using it (only one washroom in our cotage) and all I hear is "Too Late!" pretty fucking funny.
 
toupee is a word... its not spelt like that but still... its that patch of fake hair people glue to their heads when they dont want to accept they are going bald *cough bfs dad cough*
 
My grandma watches football all the time and she gets really into it, you can hear her swearing and talking to the tv from the next room. My grandpa is like 90 but he still smokes these huge ass cigars, and once he accidentally ran over my foot (and my dog's tail) in his little wheelie push-cart thing.
 
Yea, My Grandma is pretty racist. but she always calls me a jackass is I say something smartass and my girlfriend thinks its funny.
 
My grandpa tries to like hook me up with hot girls and like ive been place with him where he will just introduce me to SUPER hot girls. When my dad was like 25ish he would go skiing with my grandpa, and most of the time my granpa would break early and my dad said everytime he would come back to the lodge, my grandpa would have like 5 hot girls around him
 
my grandpa's the man. typical elderly man who hates this generation and other races.

my cousin and i were curious and asked him a question:

"Papa, what do you think of the music these days?"

"What? This fucking African bongo shit??"
 
no thats pronounced 'two-pay'. she said it like 'two-pee'. thats just a taste of her jibberish. she says like ATATATOIIIIIIIISE too. by grandpa i meant grandma.
 
my grandparents live in germany. and our family saying doesnt quite translate well into english. but its mad funny.... and would probably offend someone. so unless you ask... i will not disclose.
 
the only way i can explain my grandfather is in a picture

kurtwood_2002.jpg


that basically sums up his personality
 
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