funniest, most warped website

lanks

lanks

Active member
www.skydaddy.com

go to jurinal entries and read from the bottom up. if you are in any sort of a good mood at all, you'll die of laughter.

Joel
 
www.happytreefriends.com fills that catagory as well.

mah baby's got sauce, your baby aint sweet like mihne
 
i'll give you an example of one...

10.12.01

I was in the petting zoo, or as I like to call it, the touch me zoo this afternoon. All the animals were retarded. Some lady was breast feeding her baby on a bench nearby, an obvious signal. I sat down uncomfortably close to her and yawned my arm around her shoulder. In her attempt to squirm away, she dropped her baby on the ground. I pretended I was concerned for a second, then I punted it over the fence. She still didn't seem interested in me. Whatever.

Joel
 
that stuffs fucking hilarious

__________________

I'm concussed.

'Why aren't you wearing any pants Joe? - I tripped... and then I had to take them off to run faster out of the flames.'

Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2

you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
 
ahahaha as soon as i read the thing about hurting babies .....well im going there right now!

...Now I just can't shut you up, shut you up

So now I have to chop you up, chop you up

And I'll just wait till I get caught...

 
ahahah another timeless jurinal entry:

8.03.02

Have you ever messed around with Adobe Photoshop? It's pretty fun I guess. But... have you ever messed around with a crack addicted prostitue? They're awesome!! You could lure one into a burlap sack with a chunk of plaster if you had to. I've got these 2 crack addicted prostitues that prepare all my meals and do my all my yardwork and comb my mustache hairs because I tell them I'll give them some crack later. Between you and me, I don't even know where they sell crack around here. Doesn't matter... I just string them along until they're all used up. Then I can barter their dead bodies for fine fabrics and jewels. Anyway, you should check them out.

'I am not dependent on drugs, but I am dependent on a group of like-minded individuals to validate my lifestyle.'

Joel
 
haha this site kicks ass. its so random. i love it. this guy is a genius. ok well maybe not...but very very funny.

...Now I just can't shut you up, shut you up

So now I have to chop you up, chop you up

And I'll just wait till I get caught...

 
Anybody else sick of hearing about old people? They're in diabetes commercials, insurance billboards, obituary columns... it's outrageous! And get this, on the news the other day they did a big story about old people dropping dead from heat exhaustion. They urged my community to donate fans to keep them alive!! Tell you what, I'll donate my pubes to shove in their mouths, but I'll be damned if I donate anything electrical or useful. Furthermore, old people are OLD, not BROKE. And if they're old AND broke, of what use are they to society? The news stations probably aren't even giving the fans to old people. They're probably stacking them up in giant warehouses, laughing at how stupid we are. I'm sick of this crap. I'm going back to bed.

-Lauren
 
ahaha yeah thatss good one. what the hell am i saying? theyre all good ones. like this one...

11.01.02

I don't know about that Ford truck commercial i've been seeing. The song goes like this:

'I'm a Ford truck man. I don't got no boundaries. I never compromise...'

So that's what a Ford truck man is? Somebody who has no boundaries and never compromises? Those are terrible qualities. If Ford truck men have no boundaries, they probably rape our society's women. And if they never compromise, consider this situation: A Ford truck man's mother is being held hostage. All he has to do to save her life is eat one delicious Skittle. He won't do it because that's a compromise. You see what's happening here?

'I am not dependent on drugs, but I am dependent on a group of like-minded individuals to validate my lifestyle.'

Joel
 
i cant stop posting, sorry, but they are too good

4.13.03

There was a great linguist, i am told, who once said that 'cellar door' is the most pleasant sounding combination of english words. I couldn't disagree more. Please understand that I'm no great linguist, and my opinion makes little difference either way, but I think 'hobo torture' is way better. I guess it takes a great linguist to overlook something so obvious. 'Gypsy whistle' ain't bad either.

'I am not dependent on drugs, but I am dependent on a group of like-minded individuals to validate my lifestyle.'

Joel
 
ok this is for sure my most favourite new site. yes. i love it. sooo hilarious.

...Now I just can't shut you up, shut you up

So now I have to chop you up, chop you up

And I'll just wait till I get caught...

 
6.22.03

Women should feel ashamed of themselves for menstruating. It's a disgusting, ghastly foible. What better way to say 'I'm a loser' than by bleeding out of your vagina? You know, it amazes me how women demand equal rights, yet they INSIST on bleeding out of their vaginas. Well until they can show a little self-control, i say NO WAY. We don't give equal rights to pigs or vermin. We don't recognize a monkey's natural ability to sling his poo by granting him the right to vote. Equal rights should be reserved for those capable of carrying them with a little dignity. End of the line, ladies.

_______________________________________________________

The Official-royal nose-picking, wannabea highschool dropout, Gary Coleman-loving, Arnold-hating, college chick-dating, Montana boonies guy

Oh yes, yes, i love crack, im absolutely cookoo for crack! -Stewie

Member of the \\\'lets help Sam loose some weight so he can possibly get a girl\\\' Club.
 
i have to keep this thread alive. whammo

8.10.03

'Upon exiting that night, I witnessed two black males, approximately 25 years old, chatting in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven. Although I couldn't hear the words being spoken, their mysterious / dark skin indicated that they were engaging in some kind of crime conference. I immediately pulled up to a payphone across the street and dialed 711... A silly mistake that I promptly corrected. When the ermergency operator asked why i was calling, I explained that 2 black men were speaking in a parking lot across from me. She understood, and within 30 seconds, a convoy of police cruisers pounced upon the suspects and escorted them downtown. Tomorrow I testify. I've spoken with the city prosecutor and he said that a case of dr. pepper was discovered in one of their cars, and that these cans are easily turned into bongs. They better find themselves a damn good lawyer.'

'I am not dependent on drugs, but I am dependent on a group of like-minded individuals to validate my lifestyle.'

Joel
 
haha, cans which can easily be turned into bongs

_______________________________________________________

The Official-royal nose-picking, wannabea highschool dropout, Gary Coleman-loving, Arnold-hating, college chick-dating, Montana boonies guy

Oh yes, yes, i love crack, im absolutely cookoo for crack! -Stewie

Member of the \\\'lets help Sam loose some weight so he can possibly get a girl\\\' Club.
 
I am fully capable and willing to beat up a 12 year old girl. I am stronger than most young girls, and I am much smarter so I can easily devise sophisticated fighting strategies. If you know a 12 year old girl who would like to fight me, or if you would like to observe me punching one in the stomach, please let me know. There has been a lot of talk lately that maybe i could not even beat up a girl. Well, we're going to put a few myths to rest real soon. As well as one 12 year old girl.

i love it.

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beer, helping ugly people have sex for over 100 years.

And making me have sex with ugly people for 3.
 
2.17.03

Guns in school? Sorry, I don't see the problem. Kids need a 'style' and guns look cool. Since the dawn of conservatism, kids have worn rebellious clothes and done things in spite of their parents' disapproval. Leather jackets, tight jeans, crazy hairdos... i think guns are just the next step in this natural / harmless progression. We must let guns back in our schools. In fact, guns should be mandatory, school-issued accessories. If kids have to wear uniforms, the uniforms should be cool. The uniforms should include guns. What I'm saying here is that kids need guns and who the fuck are you to say that they DON'T need guns?? Do you even listen to the things you suggest, you dumb idiot? Get your suck-bag face off my website.

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beer, helping ugly people have sex for over 100 years.

And making me have sex with ugly people for 3.
 
last one

From now on, i only buy products that have been thoroughly tested on animals. I am NOT a guinea pig.

01.29.02

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beer, helping ugly people have sex for over 100 years.

And making me have sex with ugly people for 3.
 
I was giving 13 kids a ride to soccer practice in my minivan and since i don't 'do' stop signs, I got into this huge wreck. Long story short, the baby carriage that I crashed into cost me $300.00 worth of damage to my hood. But I was the only one uninjured which was cool. The judge asked me how it all happened and I explained that I had been drinking heavily. He told me i was free to go so now I'm suing everyone including the judge

__________________________________

smoke bud, it gets you high.

COC session E

'crowns are badass' - Itsbackfliptime.
 
check out www.rathergood.com for some randomly weird and funny flash stories

CMc - *NSFD*

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'Son, when you participate in sporting events, its not whether you

win or loose, its how drunk you get.' - Homer
 
10.25.02

I used to be a student aide for a kindergarten teacher. I think i know why i lost that job. Basically, i dressed totally normal except on mondays, wednesdays and fridays, I wore large african earrings and wax lips. I also demanded that all film strips be projected onto my bare chest. So whatever.

'The only bond this campaign is rekindling is that of my ass to the toilet.' - Maddox on people bonding to mcdonalds because of 'im lovin it'.

Joel

 
funny stuff

~Jameson~

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Never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. The Three shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God.

UREIL LYFSTYL

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hahahaha

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fear makes it fun

'check it out! im excercising and eating junk food at the same time!' me, while on the bongo-board, with a bag of doritos in my hand

'im a mugger!

ill mug ya!' - crazy 9 year old

member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do.

 
10.05.02

Some kids in my neighborhood were selling drugs door to door. I bought a bunch of them because it seemed to be for a good cause. They wanted to raise enough money to buy supplies to burn my house down with. I gave them a handful of raisins and a pat on the head before they left, and they broke a knife off into my abdomen. Rascals.

'The only bond this campaign is rekindling is that of my ass to the toilet.' - Maddox on people bonding to mcdonalds because of 'im lovin it'.

Joel

 
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