For all you Canadians!

K_2

K_2

Active member
Read this email. Its fucking amazing!

Finally a joke that explains what it's like to be Canadian...

>

>Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six

>days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the

>seventh day. He inquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God sighed a

>deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the

>clouds, 'Look Michael, look what I've made.'

>

>Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a

>planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it

>Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance.' 'Balance?'

>inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to

>different parts of Earth, 'For example, Northern Europe will be a

>place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going

>to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over

>there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a

>continent of black people,' God continued, pointing to different

>countries. 'This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one

>will be very cold and covered in ice.'

>

>The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large

>landmass in the top corner and asked, 'What's that one?' 'Ah,' said

>God. 'That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are

>beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite

>coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest,

>intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling

>the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high

>achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats

>and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human,

>undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by

>all who come across them.'

>Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; 'What

>about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!' God replied

>wisely. 'Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next

>to them....'

 
HA HA HA> WICKED STUFF!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm Scared
 
oh man that was classic. i'll find some more stuff like that and post it

later

BACON

(receiving a monstrous, leafy cocktail)

What's that?

SAMOAN JO

A cocktail, you asked for a cocktail.

BACON

No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a

fucking rainforest; you could fall in love with an orang-atang in that.

Shut up phrosty - The rest of the world percieves the average american to be dumb, stupid and a redneck because of that exact attitude – Schlonigator
 
aw shit! that's fucking gold! god was a wise, wise man

canada, w00t!

Smoking pot leads to uhh... I forget.

'What time is it?.. Saturday?
 
all canadians should try to get more stuff like this.

BACON

(receiving a monstrous, leafy cocktail)

What's that?

SAMOAN JO

A cocktail, you asked for a cocktail.

BACON

No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a

fucking rainforest; you could fall in love with an orang-atang in that.

Shut up phrosty - The rest of the world percieves the average american to be dumb, stupid and a redneck because of that exact attitude – Schlonigator
 
americas better

me: pepsi twist taste the exact same as normal pepsi.

my friend: no it doesnt , it has a twist.
 
yeah, thats right, your better... hands down.... or not.... or... fuck you... yeah, thats it.... i was having trouble remembering that... fuck you is the line!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you cant say Fu** at least 10 times in one sentence, you must not really be upset.

Im Scared
 
Top Ten Reasons For Being American

1. You can have a woman president without electing her

2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it

3. You can call Budweiser beer

4. You can be a crook and still be president

5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything

6. If you can breathe you can get a gun

7. You can invent a new public holiday every year

8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care

9. You get to call everyone you've never met 'buddy'

10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth when you're not at all

BACON

(receiving a monstrous, leafy cocktail)

What's that?

SAMOAN JO

A cocktail, you asked for a cocktail.

BACON

No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink. I wasn't expecting a

fucking rainforest; you could fall in love with an orang-atang in that.

Shut up phrosty - The rest of the world percieves the average american to be dumb, stupid and a redneck because of that exact attitude – Schlonigator
 
yea cause ur a dumb canadian

-----------------

Alex

Screw Moseley!

Guerilla Trooper of the Silent Army

::Viva la Resistance!::
 
Canada Represent!!!

Official Storm Trooper of the Silent Army

::VIVA LA RESISTANCE::

PS. K2skeepimp loves the cock!

 
haha right on

----now i lay me down to sleep, blah blah blah my soul to keep, if i die before i wake ill go to hell for heavens sake
 
oh man thats good!

'Hey how could that fungus have fooled me?'

'because fungus is smarter then u dipshit'-Me and my locker partner discussing the stench that comes from a sealed tupperware container in our locker.

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team
 
lol anson...still though for some reason canucks are so weird. they have second hand brands of all american goods. the chicks have hairy arms. the guys ride on snowmobiles together, naked. canada has a more corrupt style of gov't than the US...you guys dont even have checks and balances. plus your country is being taken over by the japs. you could blindfold someone and drop them into vancouver and they would think they are in tokyo. the only thing you got going for ya is that you great skiing for much less money. plus i like tom green. too bad your are all bitches when it comes to war, but i would be too if i were you guys considering your military is as strong as my cock 2 minutes after i blow my load.

canadian8mile.jpg'


Taste Death. Live Life.
 
12.8 kilometer...HAHAHA thats funny

-------------------

The Best Six You'll Ever Have!

-NSFD-Newschoolers Fire Department

 
Hey Supilot. It's a well known fact that the Canadians where the first ones to fight in world war 2 while you americans had to get your asses bombed to join...(no offense to Pearl Harbour). And we were the ones who always attacked the enemy first while you americans got all the fucking glory from finishing them off. So we might have crap equipment but it is what we are made of that determines us.

 
Well one thing we don't need is some dip shit system like the americans, who are the only ppl in the world to still use imperial. I just figured out what farenheit is. Its the lowest temperature of liquid water with CaCl, and 100 farenheit means the temperature of a healthy horses ass.

'Hey how could that fungus have fooled me?'

'because fungus is smarter then u dipshit'-Me and my locker partner discussing the stench that comes from a sealed tupperware container in our locker.

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team
 
SUpilot you are a ignorant fuck. i hope you get your fucking head blown off by some fucking iraqi.

AMA-RIP
 
I'm canadian and i think thats funny

-------------------

The Best Six You'll Ever Have!

-NSFD-Newschoolers Fire Department

 
lol K2....so your saying we should have gotten involved for the hell of it? no shit we got the glory...if you canucks actually had brains then you would devised the ultimate weapon, but too bad. canada is like the 'food club' brand of countries.

Taste Death. Live Life.
 
SUPilot, give it up. One day you'll be sick of being a redneck and maybe you'll realise that Canada is a lot more different than the US than u thought, a lot of the times for the better.

___________________

'i did a front flip to hand stand'

- Rich
 
>A Canadian hockey fan, an American fan and a Swedish fan were all in

>Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of alcohol. All of a sudden

>Saudi

>police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol

>is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of

>actually being caught consuming the alcohol, they were sentenced to

>death!

>However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers,

>they

>were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life

>imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday

>the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh

>decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each

>of the whip.

>As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly

>said:

>'It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow

>each

>of you one wish before your whipping. 'The Swede fan was first in

>line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while

>and then said: 'Please tie a pillow to my back.' This was done, but

>the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The

>Swede fan had

>to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment

>was

>done. The American fan was next up (he almost finished a half-can),

>and after watching the scene, said: 'All Right! Please fix two

>pillows on my back. 'But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes

>before the whip went through again, sending the American fan crying.

> The Canadian fan was the last one up (he had finished off the

>crate),but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him

>and said: 'You support the greatest team in the world, your country

>has the best and most loyal hockey fans in the world. For this, you

>may have two wishes! 'Thanks, your most Royal highness', the

>Canadian replies. 'In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is

>that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.' 'Not only are you an

>honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,' the

>Sheikh says with an admiring look on his face. 'If 100 lashes is

>what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to

>be?' the Sheikh asks. 'Tie the American fan to my back so he can

>get his ass whooped again.

>

 
Hey buddy Canada fucking sucks donkey cock, why do you think people constantly make fun of your country in the U.S. If Canada is so great why do so many fucking canucks go to my school while I've never met ANYBODY who is moving to Canada, nothing going on up there, your lucky we don't annex your ass you bitches eh.

 
If US is so great why do so many people make fun of your country up here? That is the type of ignorance that pisses me off. Hey, if a school in the states offered me a free education, i would definately take it. It is just too bad that canadian universities don't offer the scholarships that American schools do. But, it is a small price to pay for being able to tell people in other countries that I am from Canada, and having them apologize for mistaking me for an American. Don't get me wrong, I respect the states for their stance on Iraq, and I think that the country has good intentions. But, i think that people like yourself could learn from canada in acting with a bit of hubris instead of acting like the bully at school, and getting into a 'My dad's better than your dad' fight.

 
albertabeast, i herd that same joke last yeaar except the swedes were braves fans, the americans were yankees fans, and the candians were redsox fans. what was the original joke we many never know, but i think the baseball version works btter

eat at least 4 bannanas a day to help with your gorrila steeze
 
>The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

>

>

>This one has been around before but seems pretty appropriate this week!!

>

>The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart:

>

>50 Fahrenheit (10 C)

>Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.

>

>35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)

>Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down

>

>32 Fahrenheit (0 C)

>American water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.

>

>0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)

>New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last

>cookout of the season.

>

>-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)

>Mt.St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

>

>-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)

>Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

>

>-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)

>Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the

>keg.

>

>-460 Fahrenheit (-273 C)

>Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying 'cold, eh?'

>

>-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)

>Hell freezes over and.....

>

>The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

_________

You're old enough to know that you won't get a lot of things in life because you don't have tits' - One of the 1/4 pipe builders at snowjam winnipeg to a couple young boys in response to why we'd let 3 girls on the ramp and not them

******************** Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. -Dwight D.Eisenhower, U.S. general and 34th president (1890-1969)

Don't think just jump.

 
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