yetanother_alias
New member
This is obviously not my real account. But if you read the story, you'll see why I don't want to be associated with it.
I'm a high school senior. I'm taking AP classes so right now is exams. Crunch time. I've been studying for about three weeks straight now, and in those three weeks my life has taken a turn for the worse. It all started about two weeks ago. I was sitting in my room reading up on calculus, and eating a dinner of what didnt require cooking (my mom was away), which turned out to be carrots. By about 10 i'd had it, I headed over to my friends place to chill. Dranks some cheap wine, headed home. Halfway back I got the worst stomach pains I have ever had. Like stabbing knives. I barely made it home, and when I got to my room I collapsed on the floor. I literally couldnt stand, the pain was that intense. After about half an hour it goes away. Im left lying on the floor, covered in sweat. I go to bed uneasy to say the least. By the next day I've convinced byself it was nothing- jsut fucked up indigestion. Convinced myself untill I go to the bathroom- and what do I see there? blood on the motherfucking toilet paper. So now i'm fucked- theres something seriosuly wrong with my ass and I have to do something about it, but theres no way Im taking this to my mom. Just as Im starting to freak, I remember I've got a doctors appointment scheduled for friday. I decide to hold on.
Friday rolls around. I've had four days of a toiled bowl that looks like an abortionists shop. I'm pretty tense. I make it to the doctor and an unforseen problem hits me - how am I going to explain this to the sweet 50 year old quebecois lady who has been my doctor since age 6? fuck it- I'm just going to have to swallow my pride and talk to her about it. Little did I know. So I manage to bring it up, sort of laugh it off. Then it turns out that this appointment is actually a physical, so I take off my pants and shirt and get prodded and shit. Thats fine by me. My doctor took the ass-bleeding in stride, said shed sort it out. its all cool. Just as Im starting to relax, lying on my back on the table as my heart getslistend to, I hear the words that will stay with me forever:
"roll over onto your side, facing the wall"
FUCK. Tell me this isnt happening.
Its happening.
I hear the snap of a rubber glove. Something that sounds like a bottle oflotion being squeezed. and the next thing I know, my boxers are pulled down, and some old lady has stuck her finger up my asshole.
fucking great. I didnt think I'd have to deal with this shit until I was 50. I can't describe how this feels. Its fucking awful. My advice to all of you is, kill yourselves at 49. After what feels like half an hour of bein anally violated, the finger is withdrawn, and I am informed of the results.
I have an anal fissure.
a what? What the fuck is that? my asshole's not the Marianas trench, what the fuck do you mean an anal fissure?
well apparently the anus is like a tight elastic band, and it can get ripped. How the fuck that happened I don't know. I'm not gay, and I dont get drunk and pass out at parties. I can certify that that ladies finger was the first thing ever to break the law on my one way street. Or i would certify that, if it didnt involve thinkging baout being anally violated by a woman I've know since before I hit puberty.
But the worst is over. So I think. I get a presecription, go pick up my meds. Go home. I lock my self in the bathroom that eveing and open up the pharmacy package. Inside a tube ofointment and.... and applicator. I was expecting pills. Nope. I'm going to have to shove a small plastic tube up my butt every day for the next twenty days. can life get any worse than this? seriously?
yes. yes it can.
That evening I steel myself for what is to come. I lie to my parents and tell them Im done studying for the evening so I can have a few beers with dinner. Then I sneak a few more, and by 9 p.m. I am drunk enough. I go to the bathroom, hands trembling, and take out the squeeze tube and the applicator. I try not to think that I am going to have to shove this up my ass. And then it happens. I put the applicator down while I open up the tube, and it falls.....behind the radiator. Its gone. The next time that applicator sees the light of day is when somebody tears this house down, finds it, and wonders about the strange gay shit that must;ve gone on. But I still ahve to apply this shit. I check the cupboards...no q-tips. And I cant wait and try to get another one. I shit you not, the crack in my crack "will widen signifigantly without treatnment". So I face it like a man, and do what I have to do. I apply the ointment....with my finger. It was my only choice. And given that the doctor book months in advance, and I cant get anything out of the pharmacy without a prescription, it looks like it will be only choice for the enxt twenty days. Twenty days of exams, and fingering my butthole. Check the date- christmas eve, I'll be fingering my butthole. To celebrate christs birth, Ill be fingering my butthole. man. sometimes, life is a bitch.
I'm a high school senior. I'm taking AP classes so right now is exams. Crunch time. I've been studying for about three weeks straight now, and in those three weeks my life has taken a turn for the worse. It all started about two weeks ago. I was sitting in my room reading up on calculus, and eating a dinner of what didnt require cooking (my mom was away), which turned out to be carrots. By about 10 i'd had it, I headed over to my friends place to chill. Dranks some cheap wine, headed home. Halfway back I got the worst stomach pains I have ever had. Like stabbing knives. I barely made it home, and when I got to my room I collapsed on the floor. I literally couldnt stand, the pain was that intense. After about half an hour it goes away. Im left lying on the floor, covered in sweat. I go to bed uneasy to say the least. By the next day I've convinced byself it was nothing- jsut fucked up indigestion. Convinced myself untill I go to the bathroom- and what do I see there? blood on the motherfucking toilet paper. So now i'm fucked- theres something seriosuly wrong with my ass and I have to do something about it, but theres no way Im taking this to my mom. Just as Im starting to freak, I remember I've got a doctors appointment scheduled for friday. I decide to hold on.
Friday rolls around. I've had four days of a toiled bowl that looks like an abortionists shop. I'm pretty tense. I make it to the doctor and an unforseen problem hits me - how am I going to explain this to the sweet 50 year old quebecois lady who has been my doctor since age 6? fuck it- I'm just going to have to swallow my pride and talk to her about it. Little did I know. So I manage to bring it up, sort of laugh it off. Then it turns out that this appointment is actually a physical, so I take off my pants and shirt and get prodded and shit. Thats fine by me. My doctor took the ass-bleeding in stride, said shed sort it out. its all cool. Just as Im starting to relax, lying on my back on the table as my heart getslistend to, I hear the words that will stay with me forever:
"roll over onto your side, facing the wall"
FUCK. Tell me this isnt happening.
Its happening.
I hear the snap of a rubber glove. Something that sounds like a bottle oflotion being squeezed. and the next thing I know, my boxers are pulled down, and some old lady has stuck her finger up my asshole.
fucking great. I didnt think I'd have to deal with this shit until I was 50. I can't describe how this feels. Its fucking awful. My advice to all of you is, kill yourselves at 49. After what feels like half an hour of bein anally violated, the finger is withdrawn, and I am informed of the results.
I have an anal fissure.
a what? What the fuck is that? my asshole's not the Marianas trench, what the fuck do you mean an anal fissure?
well apparently the anus is like a tight elastic band, and it can get ripped. How the fuck that happened I don't know. I'm not gay, and I dont get drunk and pass out at parties. I can certify that that ladies finger was the first thing ever to break the law on my one way street. Or i would certify that, if it didnt involve thinkging baout being anally violated by a woman I've know since before I hit puberty.
But the worst is over. So I think. I get a presecription, go pick up my meds. Go home. I lock my self in the bathroom that eveing and open up the pharmacy package. Inside a tube ofointment and.... and applicator. I was expecting pills. Nope. I'm going to have to shove a small plastic tube up my butt every day for the next twenty days. can life get any worse than this? seriously?
yes. yes it can.
That evening I steel myself for what is to come. I lie to my parents and tell them Im done studying for the evening so I can have a few beers with dinner. Then I sneak a few more, and by 9 p.m. I am drunk enough. I go to the bathroom, hands trembling, and take out the squeeze tube and the applicator. I try not to think that I am going to have to shove this up my ass. And then it happens. I put the applicator down while I open up the tube, and it falls.....behind the radiator. Its gone. The next time that applicator sees the light of day is when somebody tears this house down, finds it, and wonders about the strange gay shit that must;ve gone on. But I still ahve to apply this shit. I check the cupboards...no q-tips. And I cant wait and try to get another one. I shit you not, the crack in my crack "will widen signifigantly without treatnment". So I face it like a man, and do what I have to do. I apply the ointment....with my finger. It was my only choice. And given that the doctor book months in advance, and I cant get anything out of the pharmacy without a prescription, it looks like it will be only choice for the enxt twenty days. Twenty days of exams, and fingering my butthole. Check the date- christmas eve, I'll be fingering my butthole. To celebrate christs birth, Ill be fingering my butthole. man. sometimes, life is a bitch.
