Favorite FML stories

[InkShrink]

This is a funny FML story like...

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and proceeded to blow on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

What are some of your favorite FML stories?

 

[TotallyTrevor]

i've never been there (FML is a website right?) but i read one that was something like this
i was at a party with this chick, and we were really drunk, so we started fucking and then right when i was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled I WANNA HAVE A BABY WITH YOU!!!
or something like that, haha pretty funny though

 

[InkShrink]

Yeah, its a website, www.FMyLife.com , tons of shit that will make you feel better about your day.

 

[Shpadoinkle]

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML

 

[Aaaron.]

today, simon dumont won the x-games with a double front flip.

FML.

 

[appa]

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML

this one is the best

 

[MistahSmith]

Getting a call the morning after: I'm Pregnat

FML

 

[Dbouch]

Ahahahahahahahahaha

 

[B.bowzz]

today?

ya not really

 

[babujib]

stfu, and theres no way the op's story was true

 

[D_War]

^sitting by myself looking at this, middle of the night and im cracking up!

 

[Dylan_]

haha i love that one i was reading it like 2 hours ago

 

[InkShrink]

I'm glad i'm not the only one!

 

[no_steeze]

hahaha
Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

 

[B.bowzz]

what?

 

[the.hellion.]

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML

amazing.

 

[ax_murderer]

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

 

[infedel_one]

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

 

[infedel_one]

double post cause this one's hilarious

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

 

[PatSul]

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

 

[B.bowzz]

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years having sex with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!!". April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

owned lol

 

[andrew.]

hahahaha

Today, I parked my car on the side of a street downtown right where I recently had my car broken into through the window. I covered my window and put a sign up saying,"Please do not break in. No valuables." I came back to another window being busted in and a sign that said "Just checking ". FML

 

[ECfreeski3]

hahaha

 

[Snowgoner]

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics.Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
ahaha

 

[EvanMeyer]

I couldnt find the one but it went something like

Today, I was in a pizza shop with my nephew and he asked how much coke was I told him around $1 he replies wow thats pretty cheap for blow. Hes 13 FML

 

[Dan.]

Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML

 

[poh_money]

no lie im in love with that picture

 

[alaskakid]

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

Today, I went to my friends house when his parents were out to smoke weed. 45 minutes into smoking, his parents called to say they'd be home 5 minutes. We sprayed the house with Lysol and Frebreeze to mask the smell. We were high and in a rush; it was bug spray and shaving cream. FML

 

[B.bowzz]

this shit is funbny

 

[bradcoffey]

i just read this one and it made me laugh so hard
Today, I spent the entire morning downloading a 600 megabyte computer game. I will be spending the entire night fighting a 600 megabyte computer virus. FML

 

[Hack.The.Pow.]

hahahah win