Favorite Drunk Stories

Jackpot

Jackpot

Active member
Oh do tell those hilarious drunk stories:

Ok, so i'm 5'3'', 115 pounds and 15 years of age.....so i have A LOT of Gin, and tons of vodka...enough to get others buzzing. So i'm stumbling around, telling these 14 yr old sluts, if they want to try something new, they ignore me and smoke, so i step on my skateboard and it's like i was sober...so then i step off and collapse. then i start swearing at a friend who is about 90 pounds heavier and 6 inches taller. Of course he kicks my drunk ass. So i take a piss and stumble to the local curling club where my ride awaits. While lying on the floor of the curling club changing room, i feel what you don't want to feel. I throw up for a good 4 minutes in a stall, come out and meet my geography teacher. Talk to him, ask for a bag of chips. After that i try to drive my friends, moms, car. I popped the clutch everytime, and i fucking cracked up laughing, got home and passed out.

Dee-ahs
 
thats a great story

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Creator of the NS Cousin Exchange Program

me think u need realize that we dun give a fuck..' cams

Stealth Ninja of the Silent Army

Viva la Resistance!

 
i saw these drunk chicks once at a lake. They were running around on docks and falling off. They even stole a paddleboat. Then they came up to me and started touching me and stuff. They smelled and they were ugly so i didnt really wanna talk back. Every once in awhile they would go over to their parents, who were making out, and get some more beer.

My girlfriend told me to shove my skis up my ass
 
alright well my first ever gettin drunk consisted of 15 shots of tequila and 4 shots of rye in 20 minutes and i was running around pretending i was eating squirrels and after that i had left like half an hour and i came back in the house all panting and scared and they asked me what happened,i told them a cop had raped and he cut my asshole open with a razor so he could fuck me harder,and so after being there for about an hour and since i was totally fucked,i got my friend to walk me home which was just like a minute away but it ended up taking 20 minutes cuz i passed out a few times and once in my schools guidance counsellors front yard and i walked right up to the big window,knocked,whipped out my dong and pissed in her garden, and when i got home i fell down the stairs,puked like a mad man and my parents took pictures of me,

President of the OTC!

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260
 
ooooh i got a good one....uh oh, i forgot.

~Jameson~

'And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee. Power hath decended forth from thy hand, so our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. And we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teaming with souls shall it ever be. E Nomini Patri, E fili, E Spiritu Sancti.'
 
that first story was weak, you couldnt have been that drunk at all if you rember that much of it...i bet you barley drank a mickey too...ahhaha

**************

'Pure, like a cup of virgin blood mixed with 151, one sip will make a nigga flip' nas
 
friend was visiting from costa rica, we went to house party, he downloaded i like to move it... i forget who it's by(i like to move it move it, i like to move it move it... etc) and he fell down the stairs headfirst singing it 6 times...(oh was he ever drunk)

first to figure out what lathgwanh means.

ns ogre crew
 
me and my ex gf got really drunk one time. Some of you have allready heard this story, so after things get heated up, she said 'you know what would be cool, making out with another chik', and i'm like SWEET, but dont wanna ruin the moment. Instead she hands me her bra, and says 'strap her on', thinkn she was just jokin and we would get another chik, i hurried up and tried to put the bra on. I musta tried way to hard, because i heard a pop, and couldnt move my arm anymore. I dislocated my shoulder puting on a fucking bra!

'what can we do to stop this war?'

'Leagalize PORN'

'Its allready legal'

'Not the kind i like'

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team, and NS communist party
 
when my friends and I were @ ben and jerry's downtown in burlington and my history and math teacher came up to the window and started making really weird faces, so we made them come in. So they came in, pissing drunk and started talking to us. It was great

premium quality!!

~marian
 
haahha way to go pete,

i smoked a joint with one of my teachers,he came to prom party all drunk and strated drinkin with us,he is by far the coolest teacher that ever lived

President of the OTC!

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260
 
Wouldnt he get fired for that stef?

'what can we do to stop this war?'

'Leagalize PORN'

'Its allready legal'

'Not the kind i like'

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team, and NS communist party
 
Not is he didn't get caught!

------------------

I heard he had a style, and so I came to see him and listen for awhile.

What ever happened to suburban rythem?
 
none of us would say anything,we woudlnt want him to get fired,he kiced ass

President of the OTC!

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260
 
man that woulda been sweet!! I had 1 teacher like that. He showed up all drunk and hitting on the chix in class. This was in grade 3 mind you.

'what can we do to stop this war?'

'Leagalize PORN'

'Its allready legal'

'Not the kind i like'

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team, and NS communist party
 
You guys drink? Gee. Well, you booze you lose! Just remember, drinking leads to more serious things like marijuana and even heroin, both of which are highly addictive and dangerous.

Keep it real!
 
oh my god,he didnt say shit like that did he

President of the OTC!

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260
 
halo, man, you educated me with your wisdom, i will never have a drop of liquour for the next, 3 seconds.

'what can we do to stop this war?'

'Leagalize PORN'

'Its allready legal'

'Not the kind i like'

Proud member of the official NS Ogre team, and NS communist party
 
i remember getting wasted off of like a couple shots in the 4th grade, good times

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-I don't trust anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die

HIGH NORTH SESSION 2!
 
i sniffed a bottle cap last weekend and i passed out,it was the craziest shit ever man! im gonna go for 2 bottle caps this weekend,i hope i dont get alcohol poisoning tho

President of the OTC!

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260
 
Halo you dip shit

weed is a million times safer than booze. It's impossible to OD from weed because it takes 40000 times the amount to OD than it does to pass out. Get educated before you talk out of your ass.

Pain brings chicks
 
k, this is when i chugged a colt 45 in under a minute then proceeded to finish off the rest of all my friends 40s. we were drinking them at some dirtjumps in montreal, and i had brought my discman with me. so i got bored and started listening to a few songs, and i got to this song that really pumps me up when im skiing, so you can imagine what it would do when im drunk.(from here on i cnat remember, so this is jsut by going on what my friends tell me)so i get up and start running up and down the landing of one jump and the launch of the next jump, taking it like it was a halfpipe. so i try to get some air and end up tripping over myself and bailing hardcore.

when i woke up the next morning my pants were torn practically in half, my discman was in pieces, and i was covered in mud.

you woulda really had to be there to get the jist of the funniness i guess

Now the king told the boogie men

You have to let that raga drop

The oil down the desert way

Has been shakin' to the top

The shiek he drove his Cadillac

He went a' cruisnin' down the ville

The muezzin was a' standing

On the radiator grille

The shareef don't like it

Rockin' the Casbah

Rock the Casbah
 
has anyone seen the movie The Real Cancun. Halo is like that one fucker who has never tuched alcohol in his life. Then one day some chick will come up and he will have a couple shots and like it. Then he will become a raging alcoholic who will drink with his kids untill they pass out.

Don't take life to serious, you will never make it out alive.
 
i drank 20 beers over the course of 3 hours, this was my first time getting drunk and everyone else who even TRIED to out drink me was puking their ass of in the back yard or in the bathroom, but because i am irish i just sat there like a regular person and prceeded to smoke a blunt. i then went to a shakspear play a got so into it that i didn't relise that i accidenly stayed for 3 showings of differant plays at a festival, i was so confused when i rode the bus home at 1:00 am.

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Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
My friend and I rode our bikes to a party (so we did not have to drive drunk) and proceeded to finish 1 bubba each (5 litres of Canadian Beer for those americans that don't know). We finished them within 2 hours. The party was kind of lame after that, so we rode our bikes home. We live at opposite ends of town so we each rode home alone. I crashed about 12 times on the ride home, and couldn't do anything about it. It was kind of funny. The next day we both came into work, and we both had scrapes all over our legs, arms and some on our faces from crashing. All we could do was laugh as soon as we saw each other. So, yeah, 1 bubba + less than 2 hours = a difficult hour long bike ride home.

'Girls aren't allowed to fart, they are supposed to smell all nice, and be sexy' - Shane McConkey, creator of the PMS Open.
 
People need to learn that alcohol is not a toy. Every day tens of hundreds of people suffer from alcohol poisoning. This is no joke. People need to learn the facts and gain some senses.

 
started a fight with a bunch of 21 year olds and im 17 and not as strong as i thought i was

'proud citzen of the NS Isle'

BE YOURSELF
 
i had a bottle thrown at me for me saying'i like homos' and got pushed round and imtimidated for crossing my legs. hmmmmmm all i have to say is ANARCHY. or fuck you jocks!

HOMOSEXUALITY RULES!
 
haha, dudes, if you can remember then you really weren't that pissed. And if you only spewed for 4 minutes, that's pathetic. You should be spewing for 3 days afterwards, go partially blind, get random blood noses for a week and spew everytime someone says 'Opal Nera' within a 5km radius.

~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~

#Cut the Jibba Jabba Crazy Fools! Start Skiing!#

*Be greatful, everyday, for snow, mountains, gravity and skiing*

@Talent Is Important, But Image Is God!@

%Jesus Is My Homeboy%
 
i only know what happened becuase everyone told me the next day and i was hungover for 2 days! so i waas pretty damn loaded

President of the OTC!

Everybody, Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes. You're burned now, Lateralis! - halo

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260

 
cj...have you ever heard of a video camera and some friends? i was out skating with a bunch of friends, i watched/was told the whole story...

Dee-ahs
 
and phattim, it was my first time getting drunk, i'm to small to even drink enough alcohol to power-puke for a night. It only took 4 minutes to throw up everything in my stomach, and like i said it's on camera and my friends told me the rest. I only remember getting beat up, and passing out

Dee-ahs
 
i dunno, i have some kinda wierd anti puke thing in my body, cause ive only puked once in my entire life with alcohol, and it was only cause of the taste(damn st ides)

but i spent about 2 hours gagging once after i finished off a bottle of goldschleger, bout 7 beers, and about 4 or 5 shots of tequila

Now the king told the boogie men

You have to let that raga drop

The oil down the desert way

Has been shakin' to the top

The shiek he drove his Cadillac

He went a' cruisnin' down the ville

The muezzin was a' standing

On the radiator grille

The shareef don't like it

Rockin' the Casbah

Rock the Casbah
 
I'm a raging alcoholic, so are my 2 bros I live with. we get VIP treatment at the bottle depot because every 3 months, we bring in 100 flats of empties, which we spend on more beer. I could publish a novel of drinkin stories.

----------------

'Dude, check out this nasty gouge.'

'Your mom has a nasty gouge.'

Save Fortress Mountain!!! Ask me how!!

 
ive been drinking pretty much everynight for the past month since im at my bros house

President of the OTC!

Everybody, Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes. You're burned now, Lateralis! - halo

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260

 
ok, I went to this ski movie at canyon lodge and this really drunk chick(kinda hot), gives me a bunch of shots of this apple flavored shit and i get drunk as fuck and then we go to the after party and drink jim beam and shit, and apparently i was being really loud so i had to leave and i thought it would be a good idea to try and sober up so i go outside where its like 10 degrees and lay down in a parking lot and fall asleep. an hour later i wake up, puke, and hitchhike home.

'...all fled before his face. All save one. There waiting, silent

and still in the space before the gate, sat Gandalf upon Shadowfax.'

'It's not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been clouding my mind since we left Lorien. Something draws near, I can feel it.'

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10, 1 to do it, and 9 to say 'I can do that.'

'Dude, we're sick. He's pretty sick, but his muscles aren't as big as mine, so you know.'-CR Johnson
 
my buddy was walking home from bars, and he passed a car lot, he jumped on the a car hood, then ran across all the car hoods jumping from car hood to car hood, then at the last one he kicked the windshield in and ripped all the mirrors off,

the same guy walked home from the bars at my college and ripped a mirror off a car and put it in the mail box, threw a pot at a frat and almost broke a window, and ripped down some old ladies birdfeeder, then he screwed a really really fat chick in my bathroom, and she fell and she ripped my sink away from the wall cuz she was so fat.

Bob: i want Jon's autograph

me: i will see what i can do

Bob: u grab the swedish bastard by the ears and tell him bob dake wants his autograph and hand him my card
 
^that was not funny, it was gross.

--------------------------------------

Friend:oww shit my head!

me: what did you do?

friend: i fell down the stairs

Me: and you hit your head?

friend:No, my wrist

snoogins

Vancouver - good weed, hockey, and the Blunt Brother

Canada, better than the us

-an ashamed american

 
so many....jumping over the back of my couch to land on an oriental rug which slipped out from under my feet on the hardwood floor, consequently breaking my tailbone in 789789 pieces hahah.

also, my nailpolish catching on fire while trying to light a bowl (i turned the lighter way too far upside down), being too drunk to have any coordination and blew into the piece instead of onto my thumb and sprayed my guy friends with nasty water...

i'm sure there are way better ones i can't think of right now
 
One of the first times I got really drunk was with my brother in law, we were drinking bacardi-cola all night at this party in some kind of middle age dungeon, up top there was a restaurant. We were both pissed as hell and needed to go out for some fresh air, as we pass through the restaurant we see a basket with coffee milks and decided to hold a contest who could drink the most or the fastest, didn't taste that got and both ended up pucking outside... after a while i went back inside and orderd 4 more glasses, but appartently the party was over and my bro wasn't coming anymore so i drank all 4 bottoms up... and headed back out, on the way to another party i passed out on the hood of a car that stopped for us to cross, almost beaten up a cop and past out again. although don't now of that last part myself, they had to tell me afterwards
 
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