Here's a new one that I find hilarious.
Charlie- "Dee, If I go to a movie, or a spaghetti place with you, and ya know and out there I'M the rat."
Sweet Dee- "What if I guarantee you that no one out there will put you into a bag and bash you against a telephone pole, would that comfort you at all?"
Charlie- "No, that's a guarantee you can't make Dee."