family Guy Quotes

Bob Ross(soft voice)- Yeh and we are just gonna put this little happy tree here and itll be our little secret....(pause)...(angry voice) and if you tell anybody about that bush i will come to your house and cut you!

Lois - ohh great i dont have to cook tonight!

Peter - ohh no lois, cook anyways and then we'll throw it out, i dont want you to get rusty...

...trampled by lambs and pecked by the dove...

 
Stewie- And for every minute you're late...I'll KILL YOU!

-at least you went down naked-

no i figured it out when he over shot the bowl and shit on the back of the toilet. then he signed my beanie.-Hoodratz47 in response to being in the same public bathroom with mike wilson
 
Quagmire gets sprayed with pepper spray

'HA! I've grown an imunity!'

Social worker - 'Quagmire can i ask you a question? what do you do for a living?'

Quagmire - 'Can i ask you a question? Why are you still here?'

See signature

-Nick

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

Everything i say is a lie......except that.....and that

'He was probably beating it to some sexy orangatang tittes in a national geographic' - Lateralis
 
quagmire sees louis and peter naked 'woooo. uh you got a towel?'

_______________________

My name is Sue. How do you do? Now you gunna die!
 
Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through.

Peter: Wow, that Lois is some kinda woman.

Quagmire: Yeah, just thinkin' about her makes my testicles wanna drop. Ooh, speak of the devil. Ooh, make the devils.

Not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure, she's a great piece of tail with a blouse full of goodies, but it's just illegal.
 
'sarah.. hmm sarah.. oh, is that the one we video taped taking a dump?'

peter

~Bonzinito

Ridonkulous Productions is good.

 
Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...

Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said 'me llamo es Brian,' you don't need the 'es,' just me llamo Brian.

Brian: Oh, oh you speak english

Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.

Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?

Bellboy(spanish): Que?

patj
 
Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.

Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

Peter: I drift in and out.

patj
 
Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running?

Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

patj
 
yep. i slaughtered my quote. I havent seen that episode in a while so i forgot.

VIVA LA FRONTFLIP!
 
Oh, I didn't even see your quote, I just got all those from a website. I only posted like four but I read about 100 that were hilarious.

patj
 
stuwie-and i bet u want to smoke a doobie and watch porn together too

peter-o o ok

_________________

Enter a new signature below if you wish:

 
Brian-well we have a picture of luke perry vomiting

Peter-Well then he must not be gay. gays are a very clean people...and they always have been ever since they came to this country from france.

###############################

Is their anything you people cant do. well expcept manual labor-peter on jews

V.I.P (Vanilla Ice Posse)

 
I dont care if your handicap ill still park in your space

you cant touch me

*~!Ski or die!~*

*~!Live to ski!~*
 
Death ' i live with my mom'

giggidy giggidy gig-I-dee

acholcol makes me its bitch

some christian kid today: 'Get drunk off jesus'
 
louis:peter i got this video so we can work on or marrige, we have had some trouble comunicating latley.

peter:louis we communicate fine.

flashback:louis:Ohh peter what a buitfull sunset.

Peter:umm its about 5:30.

skiing rules

*NORTHEAST CULT*
 
quote

quagmire:'We got to do something.'

peter:'Dont worrie i got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if i even began to know what I am talking about.

*NORTHEAST CULT*

^is dead now

matt morrison
 
'Honey, I only drank so the statue of liberty would take her clothes off...'

'Peter! Are you sleeping on the job?!?!?!?'

'UUmmmm... no Mr Oui... there's a bug in my eye and I'm trying to duffocate it'

'Oh this is worse than that time I had the job as a sneeze guard for the salad bar (flashback to peter standing next to a salad bar in a security uniform w/ old lady rearing back to sneeze. Peter cocks his gun 'Hey, take it outside lady...')

'So how did it go teling her about how you lost your job'

'I told her she was fat...'

'Nnnno, Nnnnno... (hits peter on the head w/ newspaper)

'Look my alphabits are spelling something out! OOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOoooooo...'

'Peter, they're Cheerios...'

'I didn't have gas until I was thirty (flashback to peter sitting on beanbag chair in the 70's (he farts) 'hey, what the hell was that?!')

'Could you please pass me the fired my ass for negligence'

'And now the age-old tradition of trying to catch the greased up deaf guy'

'Yuh nevuh gonna catch meeeeee... see you guys next yeeeeeeeer'

I promoted my CVS and Stop and Shop card from the inside slits to the outside ones...my Blockbuster and gym ID got pissed off, but I told them, sorry guys, laminated plastics just can't cut it in the big leagues
 
*suffocate

I promoted my CVS and Stop and Shop card from the inside slits to the outside ones...my Blockbuster and gym ID got pissed off, but I told them, sorry guys, laminated plastics just can't cut it in the big leagues
 
Peter, don't drink at the stag party..

Ok lois

Peter comes home next morning, Peter, what did you do last night? Did you drink at the stag party?

No lois, i went and drunk at the.... ohh nearly walked straight into that one......

**************************

the best idea ever was the one that was diabolicly hatched today at lunch in the hall way of my school. It involved a boat and beer and selling that beer to 14 yearolds for like $3 a bottel, so that way from every 24 we got, we would get 12 and then never have to pay for our own beer again. and if the poilice tried to stop us, we were drive away in a boat (which doesnt have a licence plate) but, if there were on a baot, we were throw peanuts at them, cause its highly probable that one of them in alergic to then and he would go into anaphletic shock and we were get away. if that didnt work we were catapult cows at them and wait for the headlines 'police boat sunk by flying cows'. --Apple.
 
Probably already been said but oh well...

Peter - Hey, is your refrigerator running?

Because if it is, it probably runs like you..

very homosexually..

patj
 
buisness owner:So peter what will you be doing in 5 years?

Peter:(in his mind)don't say screwing you wife dont say screwing your wife

Peter:(look at a family picture of the buisness managers son)screwing your,son.

adam
 
i have a freind that looks like peter

dont go to new york. all it has to offer is i love ny stickers

member 9020

newbies are our future unless if we stop them now!

'dont fuck with me cause the last person that fucked with me....well they lived a pretty normal life'- misty7

'ok im gonnago play pocket tanks...the only game that runs on my computer'-cruz

 
P-JO, that quote was already posted....by you

_________________

-Mike

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches
 
that is amazing i wish i did^

great line its a little long

(At the dinner table)Chriss:Oh man I don't know what to get this girl for her birthday. Hey Meg what do guys get you for your birthday?

Meg:Well Prince Charming got e some diamend earings(sarcasim cauz no1 likes meg, then she runs away crying)

stewy:she needs to get laid. BIG TIME!

*NORTHEAST CULT*

^is dead now

matt morrison
 
It's in my signature bitches.

Check out the trailer to Minor Threat. It features the best skiers from all over New York State (It's under the edits/shorts section or in Huckfest900's profile)

Peter: When you go on a cruise you need to build up a base tan.

Chris: But I heard that in tanning booths you can get something called Melenoma

Peter: Don't worry son that's just fancy talk for sexified.

Member 957,647,789,468,952,001,657

 
get me another beer you slappywag, that's petorian for get me another beer you slappywag.

Check out the trailer to Minor Threat. It features the best skiers from all over New York State (It's under the edits/shorts section or in Huckfest900's profile)

Peter: When you go on a cruise you need to build up a base tan.

Chris: But I heard that in tanning booths you can get something called Melenoma

Peter: Don't worry son that's just fancy talk for sexified.

Member 957,647,789,468,952,001,657

 
i put mine in my sig too

*NORTHEASET CULT*

^is dead

matt morrison

quagmire:'We got to do something.'

peter:'Dont worrie i got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if i even began to know what I am talking about.

 
Might want to spell it right if its gonna be in your sig.

Does this look like a Q to you?

Politicaly Active Since 1992

'Soberity is not an option.'

Drivin that Train
 
^^yes yes it does and does this look like a q to you, yes yes it does, and ^there was one like that, for every minute ur late i kill u

*NORTHEASET CULT*

^is dead

matt morrison

quagmire:'We got to do something.'

peter:'Dont worrie i got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if i even began to know what I am talking about.
 
looks like sum1 has a smelly diaper......hmmmm why does that turn me on

Take me to your special place,

Close your eyes show me your face............I'm gonna piss on it

 
the black knight: see that kids, your fathers nothing but a fizzle

peter: nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it.... well except that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran off... he got away with it. but most people who call me a fizzle dont get away with it. well accually that guy who got away with it was the only one who ever called me a fizzle. well after today only half the people who have ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it.

-ryan kavana
 
Stewie: Silence you contemptable shrew!

Stewie (to Bryan): Quadroped!

Death: But don't worry, I'll be back soon. Reeaal soon. mwahaha is he kidding? mwahaha I don't know!

From the desk of Mr. S.S. Jibber

 
death: ooohh sandy! uh oh...sandy? aww man im gonna be a virgin forever. or am i... oooo sandy!

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks
 
OMG ITS ON NOW BEST EPISODE!

*NORTHEASET CULT*

^is dead

matt morrison

quagmire:'We got to do something.'

peter:'Dont worrie i got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if i even began to know what I am talking about.
 
have you ever seen the episode when chris is the newspaper boy and the old man wants him?

in the end there are like 100 messages from the old man on their answering machine when they go away for a week.

in the year 3030, everybody wants to be an MC

 
peter:oh god its everywhere ooooooooo god, its in my racoon woonds(portopotty got tiped over)

lady from rehab:sir i dont think you really need rehab whats your name?

peter:(he trys to make up a name, he sees a pea on a plate)Pea uhhhhh(he sees someone crying)tear uhhhhh(a griffern bird flys in the room randomly) Grifen, YES peter griffen. DAMIT!

*NORTHEASET CULT*

^is dead

matt morrison

quagmire:'We got to do something.'

peter:'Dont worrie i got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if i even began to know what I am talking about.
 
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