family Guy Quotes

scofield

scofield

Active member
list your favorite Family Guy Quotes:

Store Clerk to Chris: 'uhh son, im going to have to ask you to give me back those hams'

Chris: But i dont have any ham

Store Clerk reaches under chris's shirt and realizes they're his man boobs: 'hey (someone), he wasnt stilling ham, hes just a fat kid, haha, hey fatty fat fat, want some chocolate fatty?'

Chris takes chocolate: (giggles)

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-Bonnor

'Maybe I can join Hibbert's club now' - Jon Olsson, takin one for the team on a tree rail.

I have a 96 VW, with more problems then Iraq. -west

yay for skiing
 
Anchor man:'Now to quentin with the black man weather'

Quentin:'ITS GONNA RAIN!'

.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.-*'*-.

SkeeOrDie: I don\'t hate boarders, I hate fuckers, and 8-year olds that call everyone nigger face.
 
Peter -i didnt pick the boat , i picked the mystery prize, i mean the mystery prize could be anythhing , the boat is a boat , but the mystery couyld even be a boat and u know how much weve alway wanted one of those,louise

////....

RIDEblunt
 
(in court)

Peter: oh no!

lois: oh no!

chris: oh no!

meg: oh no!

stewie: oh no!

(giant kool aid pitcher guy busts through the wall of the courtroom)

OH YEAH!!

-Strode

Abba Zabba, you my only friend
 
'i never met anyone crazy in my entire life... except one time with my invisible friend'

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High North Session 2, 2004 message me if u goin also

NS Philosopher
 
hey chirs what is wroung with your leg??? . . . oh my god

some christian kid today: 'Get drunk off jesus'

acholcol makes me its bitch
 
Bell Hop: SIR, you cant park your mini-van here

Peter: Thats not my mini-van thats my son

Your dads a mother F@ucker

you know when you see a bum and he tells you he's Jesus he probobly is so give him some cash all right

 
the one where peter runs into the tv station:

where meg goes into the like wonder years breakdown, in the guys voice, and says something about being a 13 year old girl..

then when the tv anchor is like they can't hear us..i'm going to get drunk and beat up some midgets

and the co-anchor is all like well i just plain don't like black people

hilarious show

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E.T. is the can-do alien, and don't you forget it
 
chicken.. gave me a bad coupon

hey lois, remember when i was the third hardy boy?

peter, there was no third hardy boy

just like there was no apocolypse he shoots he scores.

oh god, these are better than sex.

ooh, blueberries

peter, you just ate a whole years supply of food

yeah and im still not full (takes a swig of water and inflates by about 3x)

everybody out, i have to poop.... NOW

every other line in every other episode in the shows existence.

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Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2

i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU

numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly

Basically, you have to fly planes into buildings before anyone listens to you these days. - Jib_This
 
the healthiest thing we can do is just to ignore this, just like we do with the squid (camera zooms out so you can see entire table and at the other end is a giant squid)

ironbox: mr. griffin, i am representing your co-worker sarah benant. she is sueing you and the company on sexual harrassment

peter: sarah...sarah...oh is she the one we video taped taking a dump. weed and ironbox give dirty lookswhat, what happened.

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Good Fun With A Hand Gun.

hoodratz47: sweet your now black....
 
Q- who wants to play 'drink the beer?'

P- i do! i do!.... what do i win??

Q- another beer.

P- sweet, i'm going for the high score

Q- no he's got it (guy pissing in a grandfather clock)

...Hey man, your clock won't flush.

_____________

''I'd rather die in flaming glory than live a life of mediocrity.''

-Mark Hoppus
 
i don't remember it exactly but...

'And next were auctioning a pair of panties from a hooker'

'50 bucks' Q

'She had 9 STD's'

'45 bucks' Q

'and when we caught her, she wet herself'

'50 bucks' Q

'I'm sorry, you have an a brain tumor'

'Got Milk?'

'Quite a story we have here tom' - daine

'quite a story we have here tom indeed diane' tom

so many more

i have an american dream but it involves black masks and gasoline
 
Are you sure that happened, Peter? Are you sure it wasn't ... nothing?

Peter: Brian my cereal is sending me a message! It's saying 'ooooo'

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

-

dana

*1.1

 
peter - why did all the dinosaurs die out?

museum guide - because you touch yourself at night!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Bonnor

'Maybe I can join Hibbert's club now' - Jon Olsson, takin one for the team on a tree rail.

I have a 96 VW, with more problems then Iraq. -west

yay for skiing
 
beer commercial:

'Pawtucket Pat.. makes girls put lotion on each other and have sex in your backyard'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-Bonnor

'Maybe I can join Hibbert's club now' - Jon Olsson, takin one for the team on a tree rail.

I have a 96 VW, with more problems then Iraq. -west

yay for skiing
 
at a party, meg and chris are standing together, and quag walks up to them

quag: so meg, you 18 yet?

meg: no.

quag: hey chris, hows it goin?

chris: g-

quag: Allllright...

walks off

I dont want a large Farva!
 
stewie - youll rue this day! well, go on, start rueing.

___________________

Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2

i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU

numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly

Basically, you have to fly planes into buildings before anyone listens to you these days. - Jib_This
 
Doctor: Your fine mr griffin

Peter: What now your coming onto me?

Louis: No he is telilng you that you will be alright

Doctor:.....cant it be both

Is this the bill or my phone number!

Ahh thats your phone number...

'Don't fuck with me 'cause I'm going to delete everything you ever post and have ever posted - Flanker, A moderator
 
toucan sam while waiting for an audition: Follow your nose, follow YOUR nose, hey hey, how are you doing it?

Brian: i was thinking of doing it good, you know like an actor... but your way is good too

'A little less talking and a little more shut the hell up!' - Brian

'well you could prostitute yourslef off to 1000 fat chick for 50, or you could sell yourslef to 50 really fat chick for 1000 bucks'

Little asian girl: santa is asian!

Little other natiality boy: No hes not, he doesnt drive his sleigh 30 km below the speed limit with his blinker on!

-Thom Savery

please pardon the cacography

--->CCR*
 
check out the family guy cult

Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!

Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches

 
'nothing happened! we were on vacation!'

a concussion a day keeps the doctor here to stay

they say i got stupid when i hit my head

the german's excuse for the holocaust: 'nothing happened, we were on a vacation!'
 
december, that quote goes

peter- ya, i think i read that in a book one time

brian - Are you sure it was a book peter? are you sure it wasnt... nothing?

 
quagmire walks in and sees the cheerleader tied up and gagged in the bathroom stall

'Dear Diary..... JACKPOT.'

___________________

B
 
Lois: Peter, you just ate a year's supply of dehydrated food!!!

Peter: Well then it wasn't very good, im still hungry *drinks water* Everyone leave, i have to poop...NOW!

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Some people talk it, some people live it, some people walk it-some people give it... deal with it.

D-Loc AKA Shaky Bones... Original, Unique, and One of a Kind.

land of the free???@#! haha right... free to the power of the people in uniform
 
Oh I love family guy

Quagmire: Giggidy Giggidy Gig-id-DY!

Peter 'First I tried painting'

-In a classroom, 'Am I..am I supposed to draw the penis?'

'Then I tried sculpting'

-in a sculpting classroom, 'Am I..am I supposed to sculpt the penis?'

'Then I tried music'

-Directing a symphony, 'Am I..am I supposed to conduct with my penis?'

`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`

'haha he told his parents ahbout his ginormous cock.... what a fag' - linemaverick540
 
yeah family guy cult's where its at.

_____________

''I'd rather die in flaming glory than live a life of mediocrity.''

-Mark Hoppus
 
ALL your family guy quote needs

Link Text

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Some people talk it, some people live it, some people walk it-some people give it... deal with it.

D-Loc AKA Shaky Bones... Original, Unique, and One of a Kind.

land of the free???@#! haha right... free to the power of the people in uniform
 
ecski73, it's actually iced tea

i have 13 tickets now, is that enough?

i'm sorry jimmy, but you need 15 tickets to live(pulls lever and jimmy falls into a hole)

Jeff

Poniverus
 
Lois: 'You should spend more time with our kids, Peter. And with me.'

Peter: 'Uh, what could me and you do together?'

Lois giggles

Peter: 'Lois. You've got a sick mind.'

Lois: 'Peter, I'm talking about making love.'

Peter: 'Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.'

Luga....P.Crew
 
i just remembered this one

Doctor: Well Rudolf we finally figured out what makes your nose red.

Rudolf: Is it pixy dust or Leprechaun tails?

Doctor: No - it's a tumor.

Rudolf: You mean like a magical Christmas tumor?

Doctor: No a malignant tumor, the base of which is lodged deep within your brain.

Rudolf: Oh... like a happy, special-

Doctor: You're going to die.

and from the same episode....

We've got to fight fire with fire!

*rolls in nuclear waste*

doctor: You have lymphoma.

_____________

''I'd rather die in flaming glory than live a life of mediocrity.''

-Mark Hoppus
 
'I'm not drunk, I'm tired from being up all night drinking.'

'And shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee, power hath descended forth from thy hand. That our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patrie, Et fili spiritu sancti'-Boondock Saints
 
the huge bugs with mexican accents: 'yo we gonan cut u so bad ur gonna...wish we hadn't cut u so bad!'

____________________

'Big Willy, are you serious? You must have four to six vaginas to create the estrogen to fuel a ignorant response like that.' - west

'buddy. honestly. longer skis. ill buy you some extentions for easter.' -Mommy, to stevexs2

 
I don't remember it exactly but here:

Peter: How am I supposed to get $5000

Quagmire: Well you could whore yourself to 100 fat chicks for $50 a piece or you could whore yourself to 1000 really fat chicks for $5 a piece.

(Everybody looks at quagmire)

Quagmire: What Fat chicks need lovin too, they just gotta pay for it.

JIBARITO

(its actually a restaurant in Peurto Rico)

Guitaring for life
 
Peter:Uhh mr. weed i cant come into work today i was in a horrible plane crash. my whole family is dead and i am a vedgetable. ill be in tomorrow.

Peter:Whats your wifes name vagina coast guard.

Peter:Hi Im peter griffin. You know weve had a lot of laughs tonight but you know whats not funny...killin strippers. Srippers are people to...naked people who maybe willing to pleasure you for a price you negociate later behind the curtain of a v.i.p room...besides theirs no reason to kill them cause most of them are already dead inside. Good night everyone.

 
(quagmire got his cock stuck in a window)

(dials phone)

'uh police, yeah it happend again...yeah its in a window this time.'

Homestar!
 
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