Family guy quotes

skiblandford

skiblandford

Active member
my favorite family guy quote is when Peter kidnapped the pope and the pope says "as you said peter i ama da frikin pope"

post ur fav family guy quotes
 
quagmire opening the toilet door to a tied up girl..... ''Jackpot''
got plenty more but im to tired
 
oh god i have so many, i've seen every episode like 5 times, i can't think of the best one though, it's so hard
 
when peter was like "oh ive never ridden in a limo before, I call shotgun!" and he runs into the front seat, i laughed pretty hard at that
 
haha that one was just on yesterday,

lois: "peter, don't wipe your nose on the couch!" (peter is on all fours on the couch wiping his nose)
 
here's ollie williams with the hurricane update, ollie "IT'S RAININ SIDEWAYS" thank you ollie, where's your umbrella? "ABOUT A HALF A MILE BACK" can we bring you anything? "SOME SOUP" what kind of soup? "CHOCOLATE"

stewie- "brian your mug that says life's a beach is dangerously close to the word 'bitch' and i personally think it's a stitch but some of the other employees have complained about it being 'inappropriate"

"you know brian a company is like a centipede, it only works if all the legs are moving, and you....well...you are a busted leg"

"i don't want to come between you.....or do i?"

"you should be a parking ticked because you've got fiiine written all over you, OH"

i think my favorite episode is when stewie sets up the office in his room, it's fucking epic

 
MEG WHO LET YOU BACK IN THE HOUSE

woa woa woa Lois this is not my bat man cup

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Chris runs down the stairs holding a shoebox-"Look mom, i maid a diareahha for school!!!"

Louis-"You mean diarama"

Chris- "Oh" he puts his head down and walks slowly out of the room....
 
Lois becomes mayor and when she gives west his job back and the guy says we need to have a whole new election and west shoots him and says anybody else and the guys says "we all did" so he gets shot and then he ask's again and some guy said "my wife did." ahha
 
stewie talking to a hooker "at this point in your life, is there any tread left on the tire? or is it like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?"
 


Oh so many!

"ahh what color are those big red firetrucks?"

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?

Quagmire: Taylor Hanson"

Joe: Taylor Hanson is a guy

Quagmire: you guys are yankin me "Hey lets put one over on Quagmire"

Peter: No, he's actually a guy

Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible. Oh God. Oh my God. I've got all those magazines. Oh my God

Doctor: He's fine he's just really fat.

Peter: what? This is news to me

when Peter gets caught making love to Lois' liposuction removed fat "this is exactly what it looks like"

 
(when peter just walks into the room and he's a moose) "ummm lois, quick question, do we have any tylenol?"

too many others to remember
 
when peter was a kid his teacher did a disection of a clown and his teacher goes "oh oh oh i know why he died his lungs are filled with CANDY TONS AND TONS OF CANDY? as he throws cand from the clowns lungs
 
oh! when peter's doing the IQ test:

lois: okay, say the word "what"
peter: hhmmm i wanna say "who"....

aahahahhaahaa
 
doctor: peter your test results have come back negative for tumors,

peter: so what about that thing?

d: thats your penis.

p: oh...what about the....

d: testicles...

might not be perfectly word for word, but it was soo funny on tv
 
It's CHUNKY!!! not chocolate.

all the ollie williams quotes

and " your overreacting, and you can't spell overreacting with out overies, cause your a girl"
 
Peter is in the doctors office filling out the billing information. "Where it says name ill put deceased, and where it says sex? ill put no thank you im dead.

 
he sees a moose holding a sign that says "Will do moose stuff for money")

Moose: Hey, can ya help me out? I'm trying to get a couple of bucks for something to eat.

Man: What's "Moose Stuff"?

Moose: Eh, whatever you want it to be. I could have sex with ya, or I could just stand over there and drink from the lake, and everything in between.

Man: Get in.
 
"-as untouched as an asian womens turnsignal" ... flash to an asian on a 5 lane highway: "how much turn signal i need to cut cross 5 lanes? i think none. i turn now." as she takes out 4 cars all the way across and then hits a fuel truck and everything explodes hahahahah

 
[riding a circus elephant[/i]]

Peter Griffin: Look Lois, the two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.

Stewie Griffin: Mm, Florida. Just think somewhere in this state right now Jeb Bush is eating a live puppy.

Smurf #1: Yo, Smurf, that party last night was freakin', Smurf!

Smurf #2: You bet your smurf it was!

Smurf #1: Hey, I saw you leaving with Smurfette.

Smurf #2: Yeah. Right when we left the party, she started smurfin' me.

Smurf #2: Shut the smurf up! Right in the smurfing parking lot?

Smurf #2: Oh, yeah.

Smurf #1: That's freakin' smurf!

Smurf #2: You betcha.

Smurf #1: Freakin' smurf.

Hooker: Hey

Lois Griffin: Peter, there's a hooker in the bed!

Peter Griffin: Stand still, Lois. Their vision is based on movement

[they stand still[/i]]

Hooker: Where did you go?
 
brian to stewie; your saying it weird why are you putting so much emphasis on the H

Stewie: What are you talking about, im just saying it COOWHHHip.

brian: say whip

Stewie:whip

Brian: now say cool whip

Stewie: coowhhhip

Brian :

cool whip

Stewie :cooowHhhhiiip

Brian :YOUR EATING HAIR!!!!
 
Tom: "Now back to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa reporting on the hurricane. Trisha."

Trisha: "Tom I'm standing..."

At this point, Trisha gets hit by a car and the clip returns to the news team.
 
when peter tapes something on tv and the fbi bust in and are like

"do you have the permission from fox and abc to record that "

peter holds up a paper and says " only fox and the guys start shooting at him

or

" sheriff pie The"
 
when they are in court, i forgot when but everybody was like, "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" and then the kool aid man bursts through the door and goes "OOOOOOOHHHHH YEAHHHHH!"
 
stewie-"you cut my eggs, you two fight to the death!"

Lois (when brian brings home the coke whore) "let me get you a wet rag so you can wipe that blood out from under your nose"

"welcome to petoria, i was going to call it peterland but that was takin buy that gay bar near the airport"
 
your right and i am wrong but it is "you fetch me the wall street journal, you two fight to the death"

and "cut my milk

"how should i do that sir"

freeze it then cut jeese do i have to do everything"

i was just combing two differnet line from the same ep
 
the bit where peter trips over walking and hurts his knee and all he says for 5 minutes is argghhhh, huuuuuh arrrrrgh
 
Quagmire: Hey peter, you got any greeting cards for if you transferred VD to someone?

Peter: Hmm, lets see. here we go, Sorry i accidentally gave you VD.

Q: Oh, all you got is accidental huh...alright ill take it

1,2,3,4,5,6,7...7, 7 prostitutes

Cleveland: Ya peter, you and 5 of those protitutes get out of here!
 
peter" have they ever shown the count doing someone in?"
brian" wait, your asking if they have ever done a seaseme street where they show the count killing someone, then sucking their blood for sustanence."
peter" yea"
brian " no they've never done that"
 
I'll tell you what's not cool killing strippers. Strippers are people too; naked people who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain of a VIP room. Besides, there's no reason to kill them, 'cause most of them are already dead inside...Good night, folks!
 
"so were you in some kind of accident?"

"no me father was a tree.."

(mayor west gets hit in the face with a brick)

"oh my god...im a tomatoe!"
 
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