Family Guy quotes

T

TheSignal

Member
I saw the post on Sienfeld quotes, and they were hilarious, so I figured there should be one for another funny show.

Peter:This always happens, I always misinterpret things, remember that time in court?

Bailiff:Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?

Peter: I do..................ya bastard.

 
Stewie

Stewie: Broccoli eh? they look like trees! FROM HELL!!

(pulls out laser gun and shoots it)

(tsk tsk ZAP)

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
every single line from either stewie or peter is a quote that should be on this page.

-The DR.-

Member of the NS Midnight Club
 
peter:'haha...hey louis, diarea.'

___________________________________

Not metaphorically, not symbolically, but in every minute of every day we, along with the rest of the world, create the world.

formerly member #934

 
Peter: 'alright kids, I don't want anyone in the pool without a lifeguard on duty.'

Peter: 'heh, heh, duty....heh, heh, diarrhea.'

Peter: 'Hey lois.....diarrhea.'

Lois: 'hehe heheh, peter stop, I'm holding lemonade here'

- Marc
 
The evil monkey that lives in Chris' closet.

TN_fg.evil.monkey.JPG'


IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
Peter: Quiet, Lois. Men are speaking.

Peter (to a manly-looking female lawyer): If I weren't so sure you were a lesbian, I'd say you were hitting on me...

Teddy

''It's good to know everything.''

SRMC

SFHNC: 340/2000
 
Lois: Now stewie, why don't you play nice?

Stewie: I don't know Mother, why don't you burn in hell?

Lois:OK Stewie fish your milk and I'll lay you down for your nap.

(Lois walks to cabinets)

Stewie:ON the contrary mother.

(Lois opens cabinet and 4 darts get stuck in the cabinet door)

Stewie:Blast!!(Sticks straw back in drink)

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
Peter: work of art? or container of crazy purple knock out gas?!!?

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
Chris: (on the telephone) So what are you wearing?...Wow, I bet you could see right through that.

Lois: Who are you talking to Chris?

Chris: Grandma.

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
Lois - O this is Atlantic City all over again

*Flash to Atlantic City

Dealer - 20

Peter - Hit me

Lois - Peter, no...

Peter - Hit me

Dealer - 21

Peter - Hit me

Lois - Peter what are you doing

Peter - Hit me

Dealer - 30

Peter - Hit me

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
'An Audi. I'm getting a car!.' - Peter opening an envelope

'Uh, Peter, there's a T in there, that says Audit.' - Brian

'No, Brian, it's a foreign car, the T is silent.' - Peter

 
'This was e-mailed to me by your HMO.' - Death

'Look, I know he was hitting on me, but you don't have to call him names.' - Peter

 
'lets play drink the beer'-Quagmire

'ok, what do i win?'-Peter

'another beer!'-Quagmire

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Dan Maguire

Yankees Suck

'...all fled before his face. All save one. There waiting, silent

and still in the space before the gate, sat Gandalf upon Shadowfax.'

'It's not the eastern shore that worries me. A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind. Something draws near, I can feel it.'

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10, 1 to do it, and 9 to say 'I can do that.'

'Dude, we're sick. He's pretty sick, but his muscles aren't as big as mine, so you know.'-CR Johnson
 
lois: peter sometimes when i talk to you i feel like im married to a child

Peter: you better watch who your calling a child. cause if im a child you know what that makes you, a pedaphile and ill be damned if im gonna sit here and be lectured by a pervert

Clevelend: peter, not all jews are good with money

Peter: well yeah, the retarded ones. but why would you even say that, for shock value?. there's edgy and offensive, good day sir.

Peter: optimas prime, YOUR jewish???

Max weintein(jew) - chris i can help you with your homework.

peter - wow, is there anything you people cant do.... i mean... besides manual labor.

lois: peter dont be silly, they built the piramids

peter: hey dont deny our heritages, your jewish and your good with money, im irish and i drink and ban homesexuals from my parade.

all from the funniest episode ever.. it was banned from tv because it was too racist. its called ' when you wish upon a weinstein ' if you wanna download it

Too high? You fucking pussy. - ski2824

Why is the name of the fear of long words

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

 
(brian is sitting on a stool completely shit faced) 'Hey where'd that...'(looks around then grabs his tail)'Oh, there it went'

********************

i used to be NOFXpunkAF

proud KPP member
 
security guard- Excuse me son could you please remove those hams froim under your shirt?

Chris- I dont have any hams under my shirt

*guard lifts chris's shirt*

Chris- I need an adult! I need an ADULT!

Security Guard- Hey Phil! Theres no hams under his shirt! hes just a fat kid.. Fatty fat fat fat fat

Tip-2-Tip We Rule
 
Peter - 'HOLY CRIP HE'S A CRAPPLE!'

.........................................

You should never get your style from watchin' MTV, all you'll get is fashion no originality, what clothes are the wearin'? what drugs are thay on? If i acted like them would i be someone? No. ~ Sublime
 
Peter-since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'

Brian-they had a meeting last night about it, they sent you an invitation but it must have sait 'for peter' and you mustve thought it was from yourself...you know, its much easier just to call you stupid.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

-Caleb

SMS Session 2

''And now, a man whose a real 'po-theed'...I'm sorry, 'pothead'...'' - Page McConnell

I promise I'll donate soon...
 
lois a boats a boat but the mystery box could be anything...it could even be a boat! - Peter

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

-Caleb

SMS Session 2

''And now, a man whose a real 'po-theed'...I'm sorry, 'pothead'...'' - Page McConnell

I promise I'll donate soon...
 
To follow up that last one...

''Lois, a boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat! You know how we've always wanted a boat!''

Teddy

''It's good to know everything.''

SRMC

SFHNC: 340/2000
 
theres so many damn family guy quotes. definbately the most outrageous cartoon on television.i havent seen it for a good long while, so i dont have any quotes to submit. fuckin hilarious.

'el tit zero three, ya gotta check that shit...........ya gotta check that shit el tit' -matt heneghan
 
Lois: Go upstairs, Stewie... I'll be up soon to tuck you in.

Stewie: Burn in hell!

Teddy

''It's good to know everything.''

SRMC

SFHNC: 340/2000
 
at the bar when lois is singing...

quagmire- NOW THATS A WOMAN!!

turns to a doctor holding up picture or lady

quagmire as the pictures change- thats a fish, a house a cat A BEEE!!

XXXX-Lego Maniac-XXXX
 
or at the start of an episode- peter- quiet the premeir of the new show 8 is enough is beginning!

then a man says- I should make him a snadwich! and hes daughter lauighs and says oh dad thtats you solution for everything and he get a crazy look on his face and starts beating her then his wife says DA! DAD! DA!!! and he turns up and goes WWHHAAATT!!!!!! and she says 8 is ENOUGH! and they all start laughing

XXXX-Lego Maniac-XXXX
 
Chris: you just lied to mom!

Peter: 'Chris, everything i say is a a lie; except for that, and that, and that, and that....and that and that and that and that

and that'

********************

i used to be NOFXpunkAF

proud KPP member
 
'good news i've decided not to kill you.'

-stewie

'what? oh yes, i love crack.'

-stewie

'you said i came from your vagina.'

-chris

'victory is mine!'

-stewie

*******************

'Your dreams can't last forever.'

-Coheed and Cambria
 
Chris: Whats the blowhole for?

Peter: I'll tell you what its not for son and when I do you'll understand why we can never go back to sea world.

Stewie: If youre so good at hearing hear this (mouths fuck you)

Brian: I'm telling.

FARP Trailer

'Simply put, the greatest trailer ever'- Resnick13

FARP Forum

www.FARP.tk
 
'Wheel Chair guy climbing a pole and falling'

Peter- Wow that was about as funny as Sinbad, not the comedian though, hes hilarious, more like the pirate, but I guess he really wasn't meant to be funny.

IM out like a blind kid in laser tag--- --- I'm out like a midget in a high jump competition
 
Peter: my god, my alpha-bits are sending me a message, it says ''OOOOOooo''

Brian: Those are cherios

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

-Caleb

SMS Session 2

''And now, a man whose a real 'po-theed'...I'm sorry, 'pothead'...'' - Page McConnell

I promise I'll donate soon...
 
another one:

Lois: 'Stewie, did you just unhook mommy's bra?'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

-Caleb

SMS Session 2

''And now, a man whose a real 'po-theed'...I'm sorry, 'pothead'...'' - Page McConnell

I promise I'll donate soon...
 
peter:(to big fat biker gang ppl with gun) Hey arnt u richards semins, And arnt u richards semins best friend Richard Semins?

---------------------------

THE POWER IS YOURS

Our world is in peril. Gaia, the Spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plagueing our planet. She sends five magic rings to five special young people: Kwame, from Africa, with the power of Earth. From North America, Wheeler, with the power of Fire. From Eastern Europe, Linka, with the power of Wind. From Asia, Gi, with the power of Water. And from South America, Ma-Ti, with the power of Heart. When the five powers combine, they summon Earth's greatest champion, Captain Planet!

 
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