Family Guy Quotes:
- Thread starter GroundControl
- Start date
rsd
Active member
i like where he stubbs his toe and is sitting on the ground going 'ssssch.... ahhhhhh...... ssssch..... ahhhh' for like a minute
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'who wants to put the screws in?'
'i do!'
'no i do, my dad is a mechanic so i bet i am a lot better at stripping and screwing then you are!!!'
'ahhh, my ski just won't turn!'
'hmm..... have you tried turning it?'
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'who wants to put the screws in?'
'i do!'
'no i do, my dad is a mechanic so i bet i am a lot better at stripping and screwing then you are!!!'
'ahhh, my ski just won't turn!'
'hmm..... have you tried turning it?'
timbojones
Member
its on cartoon network sundays-thursdays 11:30 pm eastern.
giving birth is like having your bottom lip pulled over to the back of your head
than that happens to the dad and he acts like a girl, putting a bumpersticker on his car saying MY OTHER PENIS IS A VAGINA
Timbo Jones isnt even my real name.
giving birth is like having your bottom lip pulled over to the back of your head
than that happens to the dad and he acts like a girl, putting a bumpersticker on his car saying MY OTHER PENIS IS A VAGINA
Timbo Jones isnt even my real name.
lanks
Active member
there's a protest going on with signs and all...peter shows up;
peter- free tibet? i'll take it!
(goes to payphone)
peter- hello, china? i think ive got something you want, but its gonna cost ya...
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'I heard that Richard Gere gerbils. That is, he inserts gerbils into a paper towel tube, which he then sticks up his butthole. I don't doubt this, because he asked me if i wanted to come over to his house and gerbil. I insisted that he come over to MY house, since the whole thing seemed weird. As a practical joke, i attached a bucket of water to the top of the door so that when he opened it, I beat him with a mannequin leg.'-Skydaddy
peter- free tibet? i'll take it!
(goes to payphone)
peter- hello, china? i think ive got something you want, but its gonna cost ya...
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'I heard that Richard Gere gerbils. That is, he inserts gerbils into a paper towel tube, which he then sticks up his butthole. I don't doubt this, because he asked me if i wanted to come over to his house and gerbil. I insisted that he come over to MY house, since the whole thing seemed weird. As a practical joke, i attached a bucket of water to the top of the door so that when he opened it, I beat him with a mannequin leg.'-Skydaddy
Irotate360
Active member
Peter: Let's have chicken tonight.
Meg: I'm a vegeterian.
Peter:...
Meg: I don't eat meat.
Peter: ...
Meg: You don't know anything about me! (Runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
Meg: I'm a vegeterian.
Peter:...
Meg: I don't eat meat.
Peter: ...
Meg: You don't know anything about me! (Runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
Irotate360
Active member
Brian: Face it Peter, you get competitive about everything.
Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
peter - holy crip hes a crapple
(while lois is singning in peters basement bar) quagmire - now thats a woman! (shown reading flash cards)... thats a house... thats a fish... thats a bee!
chris - hey dad, what if i told you i didn't want to be in the scouts anymore?
peter - first i'd say, 'come again?' and then id laugh, cause i said come.
restaurant prize guy - oh no im sorry timmy, you need 15 tickets to live.
peter (as lando griffin) - sweet statutory you look beautiful... dont worry ill take good care of your kid, ive got two of my own you know.
hotel worker - im sorry sir, you cant park your van on the diving board
lois - thats not a van thats our son
hotel worker - its ok hes not a van, hes just a fat kid
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
(while lois is singning in peters basement bar) quagmire - now thats a woman! (shown reading flash cards)... thats a house... thats a fish... thats a bee!
chris - hey dad, what if i told you i didn't want to be in the scouts anymore?
peter - first i'd say, 'come again?' and then id laugh, cause i said come.
restaurant prize guy - oh no im sorry timmy, you need 15 tickets to live.
peter (as lando griffin) - sweet statutory you look beautiful... dont worry ill take good care of your kid, ive got two of my own you know.
hotel worker - im sorry sir, you cant park your van on the diving board
lois - thats not a van thats our son
hotel worker - its ok hes not a van, hes just a fat kid
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
lineskier610
Active member
Quagmire- hey how old are you
girl-16
Quagmire-18, great
girl-mom!!!
Quagmire-i like where this is goin (then he does his little Quagmire laugh)
Peter-Why do women have boobs? So we have something to look at when we're talkin to them.
girl-16
Quagmire-18, great
girl-mom!!!
Quagmire-i like where this is goin (then he does his little Quagmire laugh)
Peter-Why do women have boobs? So we have something to look at when we're talkin to them.
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
^repeat, read the post first
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
jsg
Active member
Vacume Guy-Well there was a meetball blocking the intake
Peter-Well did you save?
Vacume Guy-No
Peter-You bastard
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PEACE OUT AND DONT BE HATEN
I Hate icon stealers,posers,shit talkers and SPONGEBOB HATERS grrrrrr
Peter-Well did you save?
Vacume Guy-No
Peter-You bastard
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PEACE OUT AND DONT BE HATEN
I Hate icon stealers,posers,shit talkers and SPONGEBOB HATERS grrrrrr
lineskier610
Active member
I'd rather not read every single post to see if the line that i said was already used. Glad you're on top of things though.
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
glad youre a cock, fuck yourself
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Itsbackfliptime
Active member
in the Petoria episode
Chris: Dad, some guys won't let us go to school today.
Peter: Oh yeah? Them and what army?
Chris: The US Army.
Peter: That's a good army.
Coming Soon...
Chris: Dad, some guys won't let us go to school today.
Peter: Oh yeah? Them and what army?
Chris: The US Army.
Peter: That's a good army.
Coming Soon...
Irotate360
Active member
^hahahahahahah thats awsome
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Ski Season is here yo! another fine year of the white stuff
Ski-Unit
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
peter - do you accept bits of string
blackmarket sales clerk - sorry, store policy
(points at sign saying 'sorry we do not accept bits of string')
news anchor - all of the hostages were released except for a fat man who somehow married an attractive redhead (shows picture of flintstones)
peter - hey you remember when i was the third hardey boy?
lois - there was no third hardey boy.
peter - just like there was no apocolypse? he shoots he scores (body checks lois into wall)
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
blackmarket sales clerk - sorry, store policy
(points at sign saying 'sorry we do not accept bits of string')
news anchor - all of the hostages were released except for a fat man who somehow married an attractive redhead (shows picture of flintstones)
peter - hey you remember when i was the third hardey boy?
lois - there was no third hardey boy.
peter - just like there was no apocolypse? he shoots he scores (body checks lois into wall)
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
lineskier610
Active member
No need to be mean crystal
jismontheslopes
Member
when brian got addicted to coke... 'how bout a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up!'
resnick13
Active member
(Peter stopped by the police)
Cop: “Hey, you’re that local black man I saw on the news conference, aren’t you?”
Peter: “Uhh, yeah, that’s me”
Cop: “This is car 15, I’m gonna need backup, I’ve got a stolen vehicle here”
Peter: “…but this is my car”
Cop: “Suspect getting belligerent”
Peter: “What!?!”
Cop: “Officer down”
(Officer falls down on his face for no apparent reason. Three other squad cars appear.)
- Marc
Cop: “Hey, you’re that local black man I saw on the news conference, aren’t you?”
Peter: “Uhh, yeah, that’s me”
Cop: “This is car 15, I’m gonna need backup, I’ve got a stolen vehicle here”
Peter: “…but this is my car”
Cop: “Suspect getting belligerent”
Peter: “What!?!”
Cop: “Officer down”
(Officer falls down on his face for no apparent reason. Three other squad cars appear.)
- Marc
canonrider
Active member
Death - UHH! this cocoa tastes like crap!
Lois - umm... sorry death, i can make it again
Death - no i'll drink it... i just thought you were gonna make it with milk..... not crap....
Bent Films
www.canonskiboards.com
Lois - umm... sorry death, i can make it again
Death - no i'll drink it... i just thought you were gonna make it with milk..... not crap....
Bent Films
www.canonskiboards.com
brody
Active member
Kiss saves santa
'wait a minute, everybody knows that ptaradactols hate the screech of a guitar' (guitar screech) ITS WORKING, watch out santa'.
Somebody kidnapped santa, that does not rock! 'Easy gene'
peter:Hey i was watching that'
salesguy:dont worry it will be on next christmas
Pter: oh who the hell knows when thats gonna be?
HoldFast
'wait a minute, everybody knows that ptaradactols hate the screech of a guitar' (guitar screech) ITS WORKING, watch out santa'.
Somebody kidnapped santa, that does not rock! 'Easy gene'
peter:Hey i was watching that'
salesguy:dont worry it will be on next christmas
Pter: oh who the hell knows when thats gonna be?
HoldFast
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
grinch - you think all is fine, you think all is well but kiss my green ass ill see you in hell
stewie - yes i rather like the sash but do the huggies make my ass look big?
peter - ...my brain cells are just fine
brain cell - what happened? where did everybody go? well at least i still have my books. (bends over glasses fall off and break) no, no its not fair, there was time now!
peter - oh god it feels like there's accountants cranking adding machines in my head
accountant in peters head - hey have you ever wondered what are outside these walls?
other accountant - thats dangerous thinking there ted, you best stick to your accounting
first accountant - ok
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
stewie - yes i rather like the sash but do the huggies make my ass look big?
peter - ...my brain cells are just fine
brain cell - what happened? where did everybody go? well at least i still have my books. (bends over glasses fall off and break) no, no its not fair, there was time now!
peter - oh god it feels like there's accountants cranking adding machines in my head
accountant in peters head - hey have you ever wondered what are outside these walls?
other accountant - thats dangerous thinking there ted, you best stick to your accounting
first accountant - ok
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
i had a pet rat that had one...it peed blood and then died - alpentalik
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
jesus - for my next trick... im going to turn water into FUNK!
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
cobalt
Active member
tom (news guy): Welcome to the special olympics, where you can watch handicapped people struggle valiantly against Go'ds twisted design.
The rudolf one it was already mentioned.
When they go to Germany
Peter: Why does you pamphlet have no history from 1941 to 1945
German guy: We are on Veecation!
________
I always thought Bush steeze was when you go huge, then drop bombs on everyone watching you.
--west
The rudolf one it was already mentioned.
When they go to Germany
Peter: Why does you pamphlet have no history from 1941 to 1945
German guy: We are on Veecation!
________
I always thought Bush steeze was when you go huge, then drop bombs on everyone watching you.
--west
Crystal-needs-a-park
Active member
peter's conscience - it's ok to lie to women, theyre not people like us
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
you bettter still have my jagermeister shirt, or I'll fucking drive a train through your anus. – jibtech
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Somedays I like it crunchy, other days I take it up the ass! - Lanemeyers
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
primeviltom
New member
Peter and Lois walk in on brian wacking off...
Peter: do we rub his nose in it?
Peter (to femenist): If i wasn't so sure you were a lesbian id swear that you were coming on to me.
Quagmire (to lesbos in bar): Any of you ladies ever been penetrated?
Peter: do we rub his nose in it?
Peter (to femenist): If i wasn't so sure you were a lesbian id swear that you were coming on to me.
Quagmire (to lesbos in bar): Any of you ladies ever been penetrated?
O-Show
Member
nice work man this is a bad ass thread and now for the quote. peters teaching the kids sunday school
Peter: jesus loves me he loves me a bunch cuz he always puts skippy in my lunch.
www.EfteeWorks.com
Peter: jesus loves me he loves me a bunch cuz he always puts skippy in my lunch.
www.EfteeWorks.com
rynmartn
Active member
all the death ones are so funny, " u know u might find this ironic but im actually just bored as hell", or " o its ok i'll drink it, i just thot u'd make it with milk, not craP"...
I dunno wat this is from but all i know is, Peter:" ya its even worse then when those two boys got sexual molusted by the bike shot owner". *goes to a bike shop were a middle aged man is bend over infront of two nervous looking boys and says,"now i want you boys to scream real loud at my ass"
yay skiing
I dunno wat this is from but all i know is, Peter:" ya its even worse then when those two boys got sexual molusted by the bike shot owner". *goes to a bike shop were a middle aged man is bend over infront of two nervous looking boys and says,"now i want you boys to scream real loud at my ass"
yay skiing
xnoresponse
Member
i always will laugh at that one