Freeskier22
Member
Im writing a college essay for Pomona College, the prompt is :
Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a
life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an
experience you’ve had outside of your formal classroom and
extracurricular activities that was just plain fun.
I would greatly appreciate any criticism but here is my essay thus far (work in progress)
Snow, although normally a soft and fluffy material becomes a
penetrating projectile when blowing at high speeds. When it comes into contact with one’s face,
the effect is not only pain, but cold.
The knife edge ridge was nothing
short of daunting; a 50 foot drop to the right and a sheet of steep ice on the
left. I was only three minutes into the
hike up the glacier before I realized that it wouldn’t be as easy as it had
initially looked. My older brother was
trailing behind me by about 50 yards and I turned back to see him struggling
just as I was. I had been informed of the differential between the thickness of
sea level air and mountain air, but did not anticipate such a drastic difference.
I swung my skis back and forth, planting them in the snow in an agonizing rhythmic
motion known as bootpacking. As I neared
the hole in the rocks at the top, I noticed that my brother had caught up to me
and was right behind me. We paused a
minute and took a rest and began talking – why were we up here anyways? We finally reached the top, and in a dizzy
blur of cold wind and gasping breath I let out a shout of triumph. As we
strapped on our skis and looked over the precipice down the maze of rock
outcroppings guarding a few narrow couloirs, the question resounded, “why were
we here?” I turned to my brother and gave him the silent nod and grin – an adrenaline
junkie’s first tell. We both jumped out
from the cornice, and began our descent into each of two different couloirs. Two
turns in the knee deep powder and I fell right off of the face of the earth, I was
in the zone, a nirvana of white haze and smooth motion.
Although it may appear to the contrary, we do know that people have a
life beyond what they do to get into college. Tell us about an
experience you’ve had outside of your formal classroom and
extracurricular activities that was just plain fun.
I would greatly appreciate any criticism but here is my essay thus far (work in progress)
Snow, although normally a soft and fluffy material becomes a
penetrating projectile when blowing at high speeds. When it comes into contact with one’s face,
the effect is not only pain, but cold.
The knife edge ridge was nothing
short of daunting; a 50 foot drop to the right and a sheet of steep ice on the
left. I was only three minutes into the
hike up the glacier before I realized that it wouldn’t be as easy as it had
initially looked. My older brother was
trailing behind me by about 50 yards and I turned back to see him struggling
just as I was. I had been informed of the differential between the thickness of
sea level air and mountain air, but did not anticipate such a drastic difference.
I swung my skis back and forth, planting them in the snow in an agonizing rhythmic
motion known as bootpacking. As I neared
the hole in the rocks at the top, I noticed that my brother had caught up to me
and was right behind me. We paused a
minute and took a rest and began talking – why were we up here anyways? We finally reached the top, and in a dizzy
blur of cold wind and gasping breath I let out a shout of triumph. As we
strapped on our skis and looked over the precipice down the maze of rock
outcroppings guarding a few narrow couloirs, the question resounded, “why were
we here?” I turned to my brother and gave him the silent nod and grin – an adrenaline
junkie’s first tell. We both jumped out
from the cornice, and began our descent into each of two different couloirs. Two
turns in the knee deep powder and I fell right off of the face of the earth, I was
in the zone, a nirvana of white haze and smooth motion.
