Dumbest thing ever said to you on a ski mtn

last year when i went boarding, i was in line with my friend for the ski lift,

so some fucking french kid and his possies of like 2 puny kids step on my board to try to make me do a faceplant....because you could clearly tell that i was a beginner but whatever.

so he swears at me in french and says shit about how i suck.

i turn around, and in french i say something like shut your ugly face i understand what your saying. go have a fuck session with your two dorks. and my lift came and i looked back at them and they looked soooo dumbstruck. it was hilarious
 
we were having lunch at deer valley and some guy had all his shit on this table he wasnt even eating at, so this lady asked him to move it and he got all pissed off and later when he left he came up to the lady and said shalom, have a happy passover. She wasn't even jewish but looked like it, so his fucked up mormon mind thought making an anti semetic comment was funny, right infront of his own kids and hers. I saw him later and called him an antisemite.
 
a few years ago i was with a bunch of friends hitting a rail and some snowboarders were just sitting on their asses as usuall. after 5 minutes or so one of the snowboarders says that skiers fall on rails because they jump on to them. i just looked at him and said that was the dumbest fucking thing i had ever heard. skiers cant just ride onto rails like snowboarders with no skill
 
like 3 years ago...after seeing my friend jump over his brother, a guy comes up to us in lift line and asks us if we get frequent flyer miles for that
 
one day we were going up the lift and there was this guy up on the lip of the jump, as we got closer he had a cell phone in his hand and he was trying to get a single.
 
Haha, ok, so a few years ago, first season on my 1080's, I was hitting this lip that spat you out on a groomer. It was a lot of fun, I was learning butters, butter 1's, ect. I was skiing at night and the hill was like deserted, save for this family. In the lift line at the bottom, the mom skis over to me, and goes "Well, arent you the cutest little skier!"

I was 17, 5'10". That still confuses me to this day.

Recently however, I got on the chair with this lady and her 'boss'. She proceeds to read out loud the ten steps of the skiers responsibility code posted on each lift tower. She freaks out about my not putting the bar down as soon as I got on ("I dont know why nobody here does it, it must be an East Coast thing!!!"), and then freaks out again when she realizes she missed number 4 of the posted code because she was talking her mouth off. I know it might be wrong, but when she fell getting off the lift, I kinda smiled to myself.

And a month back, some guy riding Pontoons asked me what brand of skis I had. I ride K2 Madens. Fucking Microsoft yuppies on our ski hills out here....
 
hahahaha ive had tons of those conversations. one time some crazy old guy asked me if it was fun to do "them helicopters" while making a spinning motion with his finger and a toothless grin on his face
 
I had last years invaders on (the ones with the whole collage on them). Some girl in front of me on the lift line looks at my skis and says "Those are girls skis, they have pink on them."
 
my friend and i like to pretend we dont know how to ski and ask people below us where to get off the lift or where the lodge is, i dont think they like it very much
 
i was ridin up with some guy on head madtrix and hes like where are ur trick skis kid (i had my karmas and he saw me come out of the park) it was pretty gay, his skis were like 190's lol and hes like yea i used to like do helicopters 30 years ago! lmao
 
this thread is hilarious...i cant really remember anything cept for this one time when this kid on like super straight old rossis "challenged me to have a backwards race"and told me he could go faster and didnt understand why everyone those those "double tip" skis were so cool. i just shook my head and walked away.
 
me: yo, this your first time skiing (seeing rental fichers and silver leki poles)

gaper:yes/no (answers vary)...is this your first time skiing?

me:haha(season pass fluttering in the wind, shit that isnt rented,and i made it on the lift first try) no

 
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i hate that. I was watching jeff film sam (who was practicing a switch 14 of a big jump) and this family of tourist was CARVING the jump line and they stopped at the bottom of the second one. We were yelling to get the hell out of the way so sam wouldn't die and they gave us dirty looks and skiied away.
 
haha you shoulda said yes.

i went skiing with a group of 40 from our high school in florida and NO ONE (even though my name is aspen - shoulda seen their faces when we drove by the sign for aspen lol) knew i skied except for my boyfriend, at the time, who was a boarder. so me and my boyfriend are like "we should act like total gapers and then after about an hour we should show our mad skillz." so we went all through that sketchy beginner stance phase and went through the park like total gapers then after that hour was up we total ripped it, i mean killed it with a capital i. everyone in the group was like "holy fuck! look at aspen and davis, they learn really fast! they are so good!" to this day they still haven't caught on even though we dressed and looked like everyone else in the park.
 
at big mountain some lady asked my buddy if he was scared to go to the top of the mountain and he was like "no why" and the lady was like "becuase of the bears arent you scared of bears" ........she thought that bears hibernating was a myth.
 
At work at the ski shop tonight some like... 13 year old boy held up an armada sweatshirt and said "Mom, look! This is the snowboarding jacket I've always wanted!"
 
I like to ask people if twin tips allow you to ski backwards in the lift line...it usually gets a serious response until they look at me and realize that I am completely joking.
 
I don't know if this qualifies, but we just got off a lift once, and im lookin back for my friend riding singles, and this fat (very fat) boarder bitch takes a tumble right off the lift and somehow arranges her fat squirmy body around in order to display her tremendous ass crack. i got scarred that day.
 
uhh noone said anything to you so its not really the sumbest thing ever said to you

i one time had a kid ask me if i was in the army cuz i was wearin the camo bad lt. he was dead serious too.
 
I was on the chairlift at Northstar with some gomer-looking skier and it went down like this:

"I'm from Hawaii. Im sponsored for surfing," said The Gomer.

"...ok, thats cool," said Slandis.

"I have only been skiing for like 2 weeks. I'm pretty good at it now. Except I am having trouble with rails. I always fall back," says this Gomer.

"Have you tried...not leaning back?" asked Slandis

"Oooooh! I didn't think of that! Does leaning foward really help?" asked this fudge packer

"well...by process of elimination between TWO things, yes; if leaning back makes you fall on your ass, then lean foward more," said thy Slandis.

"hmm, I'll have to try this," said the Gomer.

10 seconds of silence pass

"Can you do a backflip????" asks this Gomer

"yea...." says Slandis with caution that this Gomer was going to engage him in another idiotic conversation

"Damn. I can do them on a surfboard. Frontflips too!"

It was at this moment that Slandis had concluded that this Gomer had the intelligence of a coconut husk.
 
i had a DNA sticker on my old Tweaks....

random guy on the chair: "so, what kind of skis are DNA's?"

i chuckled, and explained to him the skis were in fact made by atomic, which he refused to believe, because atomic is "one of those euro crazy racy companies" (direct quote)
 
i guess i could post another story, i was skiing a rail and yes there were snowboarders in the landing so after i hit the rail i ollied over the snowboarder and jibbed his board (kinda like tail tap)and i was in canada so he started flipping out in french it had to be the funniest thing ever cuz he looked at me before i dropped i gave the signal that i was gonna drop i even signaled for him to move and he flipped me off
 
My friend was about to go down the hill when this little kid planted his pole right in front of him. In order not to hit the pole he lifts it up. Apparently this kids dad thought it was the worst thing to do in the world and he bitched at my friend. The funny thing was at the end. My friend said something like "Dude you're an asshole" the guy responds with "You call me an asshole? Well i call you a dickhead!"
 
I was skiing switch alot yesterday on groomers when I wasnt feelin the park, one time I went by this gaper snowboard and his gf or something, trying to teach her to snowboard (took them like an hour to get down an easy green). I flew by them going switch once and he has a Huge grin on his face and is like "Hey! You're going backwards!"
 
Haha my friend almost hit this little gaper kid who was like 10 and then he was like watch it fucker. Then i came over to see what the problem was and he stabbed me with his pole. I went down to the lift and his mom comes up to me jabbing me with a pole saying that i hit her son while i was the one who was sitting on the side doing nothing. She said "apoligize right now" I was like no i did nothing wrong then in front of like 100 people on the lift line i was like "woah crazy bitch is trying to kill me with her pole" and shes like i will and i said yea then im going to pull out my gat. and then she was confused but it was mad funny
 
Another funny one was... I like to mess around with kids and ask them what its like to hit a jump and i pretend im all scared and shit. So i did it to these gaper looking newbs and they were like yea jumps are mad scary. And i totally thought they were newbs because they were totally saying how jumps were scary and then i asked the kid to go before me so i would know what to do and he pulls the steeziest nose grab on a snowboard ive ever seen. Followed up by a smooth ass 5. I was like holy shit they played me like a bitch haha
 
to a girl on a lift- "i have a one piece and a skinny wiener"

not the dumbest, but definately my most favorite and memorable
 
this one time there was this girl who fell and couldnt get her ski back on and she was with her snowboarding boyfreind who kept saying "i have no idea how to put those things on" so i stopped and like tried to help her but she didnt get the fact that you have to angle your foot down the hill so i hold the ski level for her and she still cant get it on so she called the skis retarded.
 
At the hill I ski at there is a run that kinda looks like a halfpipe, but is just natural terrain (2 ledges on both sides of the run, and a lower flat area in the middle). Well I ride the lift with some random gapers and they start talking about how much the halfpipe sucked. "This place has the shittiest halfpipe I've ever seen!" I laughed, mainly because they were in jeans and on those old skis that look more like crosscountry skis than downhill ones.
 
"you, turn around on those skis" ski patrol being serious what fags. "they got 2 tips look 2 tips i can go both ways" me, good thing he was taking someone down he prolly prolly woulda chased me cause these ski patrol dudes are dicks round here
 
all right boys you can really feel it now, count the runs down on your fingers, time to fuckin go for it! I'm gonna go watch you, let's go boys let's do it!!!!

old man skis away, his wife is left behind, we laugh hysterically, wife skis away embarassed, we huck shit for the old man, old man is unimpressed when i fall trying to give him my all, and says to my friend

that was sad man, real sad, he was outta fuckin control.

then skis away shaking his head

old man we have never seen before and will probably only see last day of the season this year...
 
Top 3 dumbest things ever said

1. I was talking to a woman from north carolina and somehow Sweedish Fish got brought up and she was like what is that some Canadian salmon or something, and i was like no its a type of candy.....wow was i shocked

2. I was asked if i was one of those "Trick Skiers"

3. I was at a park and I overheard some like 10 year old snowboarder say look out there goes a "big kid" and i just laughed
 
I was bombing the park and this lady goes SLOW DOWN!

I was again bombing the park to the last jump and this dumb lady with poles up to her breasts was going off a table soo slow and before she could get to the inrun i just fly past her and do my thing. She skis up to me and goes ASSHOLE, Watch where you were going. I said " not to be rude lady but you shouldnt even be here" then she says im getting security!

I decided to ski backwards while she went down the hill.
 
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