drunken quotes

Baker

Baker

Active member
these are all from me this friday. i don't remember saying any of them. a friend wrote the down. if they don't make sense, im sorry. i thought you might enjoy some of them :

stop tickling my phillipino roll

we're gonna paintball tomorrow... with the japanese

negative... with the w

drunk is the way to go... says achilles

i've got a toilet paper roll in my head and its hurts

OW...Fuck...I cant feel it

Its a mute point... stop slapping me

OW!!!...you better be glad that didn't hurt

I'm not gonna get my nipples hard if you keep squeezing them

Josh, you know you can't beat me

if you don't give me a vest for a sessionist, im gonna be mad

their bum is history

By the decree, i declare that no one shall penetrate my anal hole

afternoon is for bitches

stop creating a hole new channel about my nipples

my dong flops alof if your dong flops alof

ya gotta sign up for the light switch before you can use it

im on you like stick on glue

lets go rectibone the situation

her mom would be stoked on my johnson

its like indiana jones with concrete and snakes

my english phrenologist

I hope you get this message... and bone

We can't be denied the call of the wild

We just got our sarah miles on(don't ask)

I guess they're not the dopest counter-terrorist force in the world, i am.

back when our clay is all juicy, im gonna crossbread

come on, come on, get your musketball on

We could maybe eat some scrambled eggs tomorrow

I can't get any funnier than this, im not funny

I hate your seed and the seed i spread onto you

I need to get my rotational drill bit on

You could masterbate to the video for the rest of you life, cause its sentimental

Me:'Stop patronizing me' Friend:'what does patronizing mean?' me:'FUCK YOU!'

I need to put a roofie in tinkerbells waterbowl

lets get a hacksaw

you know, me and lydia just aren't gonna work out

my beer is invincible!!!

__________________________________________________

- Josh Rainey

- Jackson Hole

I ain't the type of brotha made for you to start tessin', give me a smith and wesson and i'll have niggas undressin' -nas

My state of mind purple

'hide it in a vibrator and then stick it up your butt and let it vibrate the whole plane ride and through customs. good luck hiding your tiny ass boner while you do it.'-ericpollardkillsit

my gfs sister is fucken hot, so is her mom, i lay in bed at night with my hand on my dick thinking about an incested orgy with the 3 of them, i blow so fast-Lateralis
 
'get off my turf nikkkkkka'

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

All NS jibbers have to ask them self's one question: Am I progressive like the auto insurance or am i just Aflac?

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENTINC.COM

everyone should butter like they are spancered by land o lakes beeeeeeeotch

Oregon Pride
 
yeah well my friends and i order pickup at outback steakhouse after finishing off a bottle of smirnoff between three of us. when we get there, the girl comes out and i give her my atm card to pay for it. we're looking at the check and we see the words 'to go' on it. when she comes back, my slightly drunk friend rolls down the back window and says, 'hey! whats 'togo'?'

-i ski hard and drink harder-

peace...in the middle east, what...
 
'By the decree, i declare that no one shall penetrate my anal hole'

'You gotta sign up for the lightswitch before you can use it'

hahahahaha

-Nick

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

Everything i say is a lie......except that.....and that
 
for fuck's sake... why are you sausaging the kitchen?

no, i am not King Kwong. he's asian.

i like you. i like you a lot. but first, i really wanna fire up the cheese grater.

HAH! smith! thats my name! shut the fuck up nigger! (said really fast)

these peanuts taste like jelly.

if i had been born an eagle, you would be my shitty little field mouse.

many people enjoy to eat rice. but i am not japanese.

he's as black as a hoxy poo poo.

if you are gonna eat my pringles, then i get to eat my pringles. prrrrrringles.

thats about all for the mo. i'll remember more later

here is a slogan of a japanese snack company (concerning a certain type of potatoe chip):

baked freshly so in large oil, that we can together eat happily this delicious food product
 
My buddy kept tellin this dude to go get more beers, and he wouldn't move.....and like a black panter he screams 'Up with the movement!, Up with the movement!'

better to burn out...

...then fade away
 
this is more of a drunken situation:

Me:Im going to put your shoes on befor you leave

My ex girlfriend: Lahahahaha *kicks me in the face and runs into a tree*

and then there is always the classic:

'Its quebec... why do i care?'

'Guys.. friends can nap with friends'

And then the drunken raps:

'Brehmer your head is big like a big dump truck, a dump truck and you suck. Fuck'

'What can i say.. I am not gay'

-Thom Savery

please pardon the cacography

--->CCR*
 
hahahha nice

i pee on ur face but i dont care..

i take off ur little sisters underwear

shes only three so shes never seen a wee wee

so i told her it was a lollypop and the flavor was salty.

shoved in her mouth, it punctured through her cheek broke the glasses of that three year old geek.

r. kelly did the same but im not about to give him the blame cuz fucking littles girls is just my game
 
'where the grass and the gravel meet....follow it and you will find people there'

Here Comes A Special Boy!

''oh my god inniak and steel both do sex changes and inniaks is fucken insane'' - ballstothewall
 
'dude holy fucktards'

---------------------

Good Fun With A Hand Gun.

hoodratz47: sweet your now black....
 
i said some pretty good quotes from friday night

'in Canada do they call outkast ootkast?'

roommate - 'if you choke on your own vomit and die i'll be sad'

me - ' yeah i'd be really pissed off'

the magazine is called 'POWDER' cool! - my stupid non-skiing friend
 
this was after my friend fell off his roof onto his back.

'it was like a freefall, it was free but i didnt mean to fall.'

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
 
here are some of mine and my friends, note we were high as well.

-I fuck my bitch like a fag.

-(admiring the scenery) Thats fucking beautiful man.

-This grilled cheese sandwhich feels like somebody jizzed in my mouth.

-That cloud looks like the calgary flames assisstants captains badge.

-I cant feel my face.

-Heil 5!!!

-(holding a piece of a dome that looks like achilles shield) Is there no-one else!!

-I took disco dancing lessons, did you know that?

-So what if you have a boyfriend thats black.

-Baissez Mucho!

-that bag looks like a scrotum.

-dude, you just touched me with ure scrotum!

-are those really ure boobs?

-DEUTSCHLAND, DEUTCHLAND, IBRE ALAS, IBRE ALAS(nazi national anthem)

All this was said in the last week.

in the allegory of life, i dislike what you represent.
 
'Why does my butt hurt?'...( the girl who woke up with a drum stick in her butt and cooter..)

/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/

why would you rather a chick? if it was completely dark and you were fucken hammered and some gay guy just started giving you head, would you know the difference? you know who.....
 
HAHA i love the one that says, OW...u better be glad that didnt hurt. haha. i love it.

~*Michelle

->'the CD goes right here. the speakers... oh well one of 'em's broken, but THIS speaker is good, and these wires, they are really good!'
 
Why do you say so much stupid shit??

Although Saturday I said some sweet stuff

After someone pissed on my hands

'Dude I'm really pissed off'

-Patj.
 
'Am I a girl or a boy?'

'STOP touching my chin!'

'Once I get down to 160 the ladies will be all over me!'

'Why are we dancing?'

'Whats with all the flashing lights?'

-AndrewP

-------------------------------

Go Fishing. Go Ride.

 
'No problem, i like 'em big...Just stick it in!'

-drunk girlfriend when we couldnt break a piece of firewood any smaller.

Give me Keystone or give me death.
 
the beginning of a cd starts with a phone ringing. so at 2 in the morning, my friends start playing it so i YELLED 'who would call at this ungodly hour!?' ya it was funnier when i was drunk

 
the next morning i wondered why my ass and back were so sore, they said i was chilling out on the top of a bunk bed and just rolled off.

__________________________________________________

- Josh Rainey

- Jackson Hole

I ain't the type of brotha made for you to start tessin', give me a smith and wesson and i'll have niggas undressin' -nas

My state of mind purple

'hide it in a vibrator and then stick it up your butt and let it vibrate the whole plane ride and through customs. good luck hiding your tiny ass boner while you do it.'-ericpollardkillsit

my gfs sister is fucken hot, so is her mom, i lay in bed at night with my hand on my dick thinking about an incested orgy with the 3 of them, i blow so fast-Lateralis
 
ok, update. apparently saying all that funny shit has its down side, i told this really hot/really cool chick that we should roofie her and rape her. i don't think i said it maliciously, i think i was just talking out of my ass. I think it was because early in the day i was talking about how tanner roofied a ski coach's girlfriend in hood and couple years ago and the concept was fresh in my memory. Damn you tanner hall!

__________________________________________________

- Josh Rainey

- Jackson Hole

I ain't the type of brotha made for you to start tessin', give me a smith and wesson and i'll have niggas undressin' -nas

My state of mind purple

'hide it in a vibrator and then stick it up your butt and let it vibrate the whole plane ride and through customs. good luck hiding your tiny ass boner while you do it.'-ericpollardkillsit

my gfs sister is fucken hot, so is her mom, i lay in bed at night with my hand on my dick thinking about an incested orgy with the 3 of them, i blow so fast-Lateralis
 
he's my friends older brother, and he just wanted to. i told care, i've seen myself on video doing much more retarded shit

__________________________________________________

- Josh Rainey

- Jackson Hole

I ain't the type of brotha made for you to start tessin', give me a smith and wesson and i'll have niggas undressin' -nas

My state of mind purple

'hide it in a vibrator and then stick it up your butt and let it vibrate the whole plane ride and through customs. good luck hiding your tiny ass boner while you do it.'-ericpollardkillsit

my gfs sister is fucken hot, so is her mom, i lay in bed at night with my hand on my dick thinking about an incested orgy with the 3 of them, i blow so fast-Lateralis
 
i tried to remember what my friends say and do. one time they threw a potatoe and it sumhow hit and broke a houses window that was 400 ft. away and was deep in the woods. got out of that one.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
 
brian: PSSSSSSSSSSSSST

me:whadd now?

brian: dun tell anyone ...im part IRISH!

Brian: whers the sunkist?(we pissed in the sunkist/bacardi bottle)

Me:right here..

Brian drinks all of it. pukes everywhere

a safety conscious drug user...isnt that an oxy-moron?-SUpilot
 
'If you could drink the beer out of my belly I'd let you......man.'

better to burn out...

...then fade away
 
'What's this wet shit all over me?'

'That fucker...Evan..he..I love him but..he..some dude in the bathroom pissed on me'

`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`-=`

'haha he told his parents ahbout his ginormous cock.... what a fag' - linemaverick540
 
let me drink cognac on a skate board id feel like snoop dogg and tony hawk.....snoop hawk!!!

where are u guys going?

'the food store over there'-arm going in circles in no direction i was more stoned then drunk tho

I got to race like a piss horse

go away u smell like a drunk

ya well u smell like a sober

_______________

me gusta cabeza
 
these are the ones all my friends say to me

'WHAT?!?!?!!?!' like lil john

'OKAY!!!!!' like lil john

'YEAH!!!!' like lil john

'bling bling bitch'

'i have the liquid candy in my hand' i was holding bud light mmmmmmmmmm

'i have a great penis is pleases the ladies'

some christian kid today: 'Get drunk off jesus'

acholcol makes me its bitch
 
me and my friend were really drunk and we were lying in her bed and she turned to me and was like your body is a big pile of ewww…apparently she was really hot and wasn’t appreciating my body heat.

________________________________________

---Kloie---

skiing=radical
 
what^^^^

/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/''Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.'
 
^^I'll tell you like i told the two girls i was hanging with,'you two should play with each others vaginas.' One of them still won't talk to me.

__________________________________________________

- Josh Rainey

- Jackson Hole

I ain't the type of brotha made for you to start tessin', give me a smith and wesson and i'll have niggas undressin' -nas

'maybe we should stick to anal sex and fighting preggos heh?'-ellerman
 
my friends after sculling a full bottle of jim beam 'the hamburgers are coming for me!' and then passes out

-Nick

I have a problem solver, his name is revolver

Everything i say is a lie......except that.....and that
 
These ones were good

as my friend was lyeing on the ground pukeing she was saying, in the happiest more joyful voice ever 'Im jello!'

Then iv got the 'Im dieing of death!'

and 'What the fuck, my jeans are white. That is so gay, im dressed like a fag. FUCK! there goes my reputation'

-Thom Savery

please pardon the cacography

--->CCR*

'Humanity needs to stop having relations with it's mother' -a freind on Oedipus Rex.

 
just to to altonquotes.com

its full of drunken quotes

~-~NWFT~-~

*Kirsten*

start smoking crack. It'll probably be better for you, and you won't need alcohol anymore - Melvs
 
'If you want me to puke everywhere... Go for it'

'I'll make it... way more worth while for you not to drink'

'Stay the f*ck away from me, I'm only paying for two.'

'Get behind me... I said, get behind me!'

-Emil Coty from the special features segment in 'Strike Three'

(may not make sense here, but if you see it, it's too funny, because he's completely wasted and half-passed out)



I said get behind me.



Keep it real,

D.C
 
'When i was younger i swore not to have a strong drink before lunch now i swear to not have a drink before breakfest' Winston Churchhill

I have never poured out beer, even to put out a grass fire-Hank Hill
 
Just to add on to trixta's extensive list of Emil Coty quotes...

'I know where the fucking shower is! Stop asking me like 2 year old. Fucker!' -Emil Coty

-Joel

'joel...has curly hair..

its hard not to stare.

he's tall too...he's like, way up there.

this poem sucked, but i don't care!'

-lucyford

~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~

Capital City Rider

Dragons Lair

lanky steeze
 
hmm my friend at was spinning at a party and when he hit a strobe light my other friend freaked and cried 'flashbang' and jumped under the coach and starting yelling counterstike commands like 'go to bomb site a' and shit even though none of us played that game in like 2 years then he was walking up the stairs and i opened the door at the top and he jumped straight back and fell down half a flight of stairs. ahh good times

note to self avoid blowing motor....again
 
my friend and i were in canada once in an elevator and we were pretty drunk. i saw a coin on the ground and was going to pick it up and he said: 'its not worth it man, its canadian. canadian money is just like monoploly money.' and a bunch of canadians just stared at us.

AK Owns
 
'Yeah there is a keiko the whale too...it's pretty fucking dumb. Stupid fucking whale.'

'you know what would be funny? if you were a rapist and had a laptop that said shit like 'MULTI_RAPE' after you raped people.'

'black on black violence...its our only hope'

_____________________

Lord_Piot is only concerned about weather or not the us foreign policy will affect his ability to obtain weed or not... - anewmorning.

Word.
 
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