I didn't read all the other posts, but it'd go more like this:
My nine year old son asked me why we were at war today. This is what I answered him.
'Son, say you're in your house, and you're thinking about something. You've been thinking about it for ten years: the man in front of yours money tree in his backyard.'
'A money tree?'
'Or a candy tree, whatever. You're thinking, how the hell could I get my hands on that beautiful candy tree? Then you remember that ten years ago, you saw the man beat his children and his wife. You think, why don't I kill him, say it was because since he hurt his children ten years, he'll do it again and it's to protect them! Great idea! You phone the police to tell them, and they think you're dumb and say you're not allowed. Who cares, you go there and whoop the guy's ass in about five minutes. You now have the candy tree! What? His children say that he had excused himself for beating them, had served his time in jail and now has a good relationship? Who cares, the candy tree is ours!'
'Dad, you're screwed up. That's barely plausible.'
'Ha ha, wait son. Your dumb neighbors talk to you about two other houses (out of a lot) that it is 100% sure that in one the father hides men who blew up two blocks three years ago and in another the dad beats his children and is considering attacking you with super-soakers 3000. It's proven he has them. You consider this. One has a huge candy tree, but you know the dude, and you need his candy to survive. Nah, you decide to close your eye on the first one. The second one... well, the house has a turd field in the backyard, and you don't want to inherit THAT. That's why we're at war with some countries and not at war with others.'
'But dad, if we saved the first children, why shouldn't we save the other ones?'
'God bless America...'
'And why shouldn't we admit that we were wrong about the first house?'
'Oh oh say, can you see?'
'Dad, why are didn't mom divorce you when she had the facts: you have screwed up this household (undeniable facts)!'
'Shut up! I am as intelligent as any other human being but our public education is destitute, I was taught nothing about the world and I have been poorly educated in the goal of being easily swayed later in my life as an eligible voter to vote for someone whose morals I respected, not plans for the future of the country!'
'Dad, everyone hates you now. You have proven to the whole neighborhood that you are going in the wrong direction.'
'Fuck you. America is the most bestest country in the world.'
THE END.
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'I'm the master of low expectations.'
'I understand small business growth. I was one'
-Dubya!
