Dad jokes

good shit, i remember my history teach last year would make everyone be silent and stare at any kid that walked in late like they just interrupted something important.
 
I find it really hard to believe you like to play practical jokes with your kids you have a terrible sense of humor. I once p.m. you asking you to do something I don't even remember what it was, and I ended it with something along the lines of please be a doll. Which by the way whenever I message any of the mods on here I've always ended it with babe sweetie or Doll guy or girl, and you freaked out. sorry for the rant, but for some reason I read that post and remembered I sent you that message, and then you not being very happy about it.
 
What has this got to do with anything? I'd probably talk back if someone called me something like doll or sweetie if I was a chick. Youre a knobhead, dude
 
This is something my dad mentioned when he visited me here in utah...

"The beer here is like fucking in a canoe...WAY TOO CLOSE TO WATER"
 
Me:Dad do you have a moment to learn about the teachings of joe smith?

Dad:I dont know, do you have a moment to bathe and change your clothes?
 
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Keeping with the teacher jokes my old physics teacher when asked "what?" would point to the lights above and say "100 watts!"

That semester sucked
 
was watching the uconn vs iowa st in the ncaa tournament with my dad earlier

me: man, how big has shabazz napier been for uconn, huh?

dad: about 6 feet

 
in the car with dad like 10 years ago:

me: hey can we swing by blockbuster? i wanna rent halo

dad: yea sure

*pulls into blockbuster parking lot*

*i open the door*

*dad throws it in reverse and starts to drive off while i'm half out the car*

dad: alright we swung by

me: fuq u dad u mother fuqqer
 
My son tells me a joke.

My reply: "There's a lot of comedians out of work in this town; don't give up your day job".

I embarrass the crap out of my kids. Hopefully at some point nothing will faze them.

 
First day of school all the parents where supposed to write motivational letters to there kids. Most dads wrote "hope your high-school is a lovely experience," "good luck with the ladies," "here's to a good four years." My dad wrote

Don't fuck up

-Dad

 
My dad's pretty funny. He likes to play pretty all out games of hide n' seek. He's pretty good too, our current game is going on 14 years. I've tried olly olly oxen free, but I don't think he heard me.
 
I use this on my kids and also the kids that I coach.

Kid launches into something that makes no sense at all or mumbles.

Me: "You did WHAT, with whose DOG, for how many NILLA WAFERS?!?!?!

My daughter has started using that on her older brother now and it's pretty hilarious.
 
My dad's go-to joke...

Two guys are out hunting and they see a huge hole. Wondering how deep it is, they find an old anvil and throw it down. It falls and falls and falls but they never hear it land; then out of nowhere a goat comes galloping past them and jumps in the hole. Confused, and a little freaked out the hunters decide to get a move on and start walking back to their car. On their way, they come across a farmer who approaches them asking if they had seen a goat, they say yes and that he jumped in that enormous hole a little ways back. The farmer then replies, that's impossible, I had him chained to an anvil.
 
The very first dad joke

" honey i'm pregnant"

Tears in his eyes "hi pregnant, i'm dad"
 
My dad randomly texted me today.

Dad: Hey Adam. Guess who I saw today?

Me: Who?

Dad: Everyone I looked at lol. Have a good day at school.

Honestly, I love his stupid jokes.
 
12925634:Fred_Bear said:
Whenever I hurt something this is what happened:

Me: my ____ hurts

Dad: does your face hurt?

Me: no...?

Dad: well its killing me

Fell for it every time god damnit
Click to expand...

Thought I was the only one that had tongonthrough that every damn time
 
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