Critique me

kyle_w

Active member
So i had to write a short report on Stalin. do you think this is good?

Stalin, whose original name was Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, was born on Dec. 21, 1879 in the town of Gori, Georgia. He was the only one of four children to survive through childhood. In order to keep the family together after his father died in 1890, his mother, Yekaterina, took in washing and sewing, hiring out for housework, and nursing young Joseph through various sicknesses. He was enrolled in the local Orthodox parochial school in Gori in 1888. In 1894 he got into the Orthodox theological seminary in Tiflis, with a free scholarship. He was later expelled in 1899.

In 1904 he married to Yekaterina Svanidze. In 1907 his wife died, leaving behind their son, Yakov.

By 1928, Stalin had gained complete control over Russia. His theory of “socialism in one country,� would later make Russia a communist country. Top leaders such as Nikolai Bukharin, Aleksei Rykov, and Mikhail Tomsky, who opposed communism, were removed from office.

In 1941 when German Armies attacked Russia, Stalin took command of the Soviet military. With the help of a small defense committee, he made all major military, political, and diplomatic decisions throughout the war. He pursued victory with increasing skill, determination, and courage. Of course, victory could not have been obtained if not for the moral support of the Russian people.

By 1950, however, the Soviet Union had recovered. Once more, in 1952, Stalin began preparing a purge of the old leadership, perhaps to restore his own initiative in making policy. On March 5, 1953, Stalin died in Moscow, of a sudden brain hemorrhage.

DICE BOARDSHOP

FOR ALL YOUR SKIING NEEDS
 
Well done. Came out pretty good.

For your own personal benefit, there were a few situations where you used commas and they weren't entirely necessary.

Also, in this sentence:

In order to keep the family together after his father died in 1890, his mother, Yekaterina, took in washing and sewing, hiring out for housework, and nursing

I would probably take out the AND between washing and sewing and throw in a comma between it. Unless it's absolutely necessary to keep both articles together.

 
very nice indeed. maybe explain that he was head of the CP and managed to knock out his main adversary at the succession of lenin, Trotsky, by exiling him to siberia. if you can remain within the word limit, i think that would help it over all.

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
Change this: Stalin, whose original name was Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, was born on Dec. 21, 1879 in the town of Gori, Georgia.

to:

Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili, commonly known as Stalin,....

Of course, victory could not have been obtained if not for the moral support of the Russian people.

this sentence is informal. don't say of course.

"if you stay ill totally put out." - markd13 in regards to my having had it with this site.
 
^one more thing. if you want a good paper, you need a better opener then that. say something about stalin holistically, comment on who he was in history. i say this because those openers "so and so was bas born on in this town" = same old shit. if you say something about his role in history, not only does it make the essay more interesting but it establishes that your focus is of something of importance, which gives it value.

"if you stay ill totally put out." - markd13 in regards to my having had it with this site.
 
such as "in the strong soviet goverment, only a man whose name means "man of steel" could be suited to have absoulte control

pretty sick
 
i started to read the first para but i lost the meaning so i stoped, but the first line was good

"is 'cotton field gorilla' a racial slur?"-Lateralis
 
yea, you could say how bloodthirsty he was, murdering 20M of his own people, while being one of the main factors in defeating another evil in Hitler.

a little irony like that.

alpinecowboy's comments are really good, you should follow them.

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
dude stalin was insane. i mean he holocausted his own officers and buried them in mass graves . but he DIDNT attack us and western europe after we were weak as hell after the war (well so was he, but still he still had enough T-34's to take us). so he was pretty chill. i'd hang out with him anyday.

pretty sick
 
its hard to summarize communism in such a small essay, but if you can, try to put more in there than "socialism in one nation" try and see if you can add more to that

"if you stay ill totally put out." - markd13 in regards to my having had it with this site.

indie lovers unite! the independent music cult.
 
He didn't attack the west because the west had nukes, which he didn't get until 1949. Even then though, the US had the advantage because of greater stocks and more capable technologies. That's not to say that he would have attacked the west if he could though. Nobody really knows that. It can even be argued that satelite aquisitions were defensive efforts against the west, not aggressive ones.

Socialism in one nation can be summarized to be MONOLITHIC. Although the west thought of communism to be monolithic, it wasn't. China and N. Korea proved that. It's still a good term to use though.

What grade is the paper for? I can think of a lot of ways that that paper can be improved, but considering how short it is, it'll take a bit of work. Since you're not handing it in to a University prof, it's probably not worth it. Mostly though, I'm just too lazy to do work for nothing.

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'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
ha this is for 9th grade, and it doesnt have to impress the teacher. all i have to do is get a 70 on it and this is well capable of a 70

DICE BOARDSHOP

FOR ALL YOUR SKIING NEEDS
 
damn these people get pretty serious about helpin ya up in here. looks like you won't have any troubles!

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its only for redbull sponsercersord riders...tanners got one but hes not sponsosnored by them so its either your sponsizored by redbull or your in the game you dig?-Flying Spoon
 
oh, well if its for 9th grade, i think you're set. just get the intro down, follow what alpinecowboy said, and you're all good...

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
people like to take these kind of opportunities to assert their intelligents.... I mean WHAT?

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'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
rebel, you should think about fixing your sig, it has weird characters in it, and it makes anne frank look retarded...

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
I was definitely calling myself out there.

Yeah, I should fix it, but maybe the fucked up letters bring peoples attention to my sig and then after reading it, they realise how great and inspiring a person Anne Frank really was.

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
and to anyone who wants to call me out on spelling, eat a dick :)

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
true, it does make you notice it more.

have you been to her house in amsterdam? its one of the freakiest, most awe inspiring places i've ever been in...

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
stalins had a huge cock to make up for his tiny arm. 14 inches flacid. put that in there. he used it to peel apart russian honies.

 
No, I've never been to Holland. I haven't even read her diary. I'm a fraud. I will eventually though. It's on the top of my list of books to read. Sadly I've been on the same book (Mein Kampf) for about two years though. I have a really short attention span. Back to the house though. I might be going to Europe next summer. I didn't intend on going to Amsterdam, I was thinking more Warsaw, Prague, Batislava, Kiev, Budapest, Vienna, Berlin, Munich and shit, but you may have convinced me.

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'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
well, if you enjoy nazi ideologies ;), i would suggest going there to see what they did up close and personal, around lunch time. taking the staircase up there, through the bookcase door, and seeing the original diary and her room with the pics she put up, i felt sick. its so saddening, and to think she died in the bucher house that was bergen belsen. if you appreciate her quote already, going to their house is about as poignant as you can get.

and if you need a breath of fresh air after that, the van gogh museum isn't far away.

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
well if you want to know what will really get you a good grade, keep a short bio like that but keep it short. A good paper is rarely a biography. You should be discussing his ideologies more.

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Eternal Nothingness is Okay if Your Dressed For It

 
I wouldn't say I enjoy Nazi ideals, I just enjoy understanding them. Very different things. I am coloured, a socialist and very much obsessed with Natalie Portman. Not the kinds of things that would make me a general in the Third Reich.

I've always thought of Amsterdam to be a party city where everyone is dropping E. I hate catching ignorance within myself. I may check it out.

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
I noticed, I just wanted to make sure that somebody else reading this thread didn't think I was a Nazi. That and I wanted to take the opportunity to confess my love for Natalie.

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
well, if you were willing to kill for natalie portman, that would give you some bonus points for being a nazi general, right?

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
No, I think I'd have to be willing to kill her, not kill for her.

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'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
no, like: kill anyone, even the olsen twins, in order to score the Natalie. its in mein kampf im pretty sure, read the cliffs notes...

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
I don't think I've gotten to the part where Hitler tells me to kill the olsen twins yet :P

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'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
its like the best part! you'd think that in 2 years you would have gotten that far!

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

 
I'm about 2/3 of the way through it. I honestly don't remember anything like that though. As much hatred as there is in that book, I don't remember any cries for blood.

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
This is the worst paper on Stalin I have ever seen. You portray for him to be this nice and carring guy who cared about his people. He has killed over 20 million of his own people that disagreed with him. That is another way of having faschism against your own people.

-People say marijuana ruins your life, I just say I take the scenic route-
 
You don't even need the brief two sentences or so of information about his wife and her death, unless you were using it to say that it was motive enough for him to 'never love again' which some historians have proposed had driven Stalin to purge all those who disagreed with him.

_______________________
Classic NS right here:
Shadow7: i know i sound like a total newb whos JON?
SeanPistol: jon olsson. the sweedish guy that wears wierd suits and skis for head.
Shadow7: oh yea him lol thanks for DE-newbeing me
seanPis
 
7742support.JPG


someone please think of a caption for that pic.

DICE BOARDSHOP

FOR ALL YOUR SKIING NEEDS
 
It's kinda tough without any background info dude. Your caption should just say a bit of who, what, where, when and why. Something like "Soviet troops rally in support of Stalin." But should also tell a little more about what's going on in the picture.

- - - - -

'Itâ??s a wonder I havenâ??t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.' - Anne Frank
 
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