Craziest lie you have ever pulled off

A long-term sub said she was going to send me to ISS.

I just told her my dad was a trafficker for the cartels and she hopped off quick
 
I used a fake austrian ID for 6 months up until I was 21 to go to the bars. Could even pull off the accent too.
 
A little girl kept trying to prank call me Then I told he that I was a killer and I knew where she lived, her mom called and threatended to call the cops
 
you are a girl you couldve handed them a talibani passport and they wouldnt have given you a second look, plus bars gont give a shit unless you look 12
 
oh and my best one is probably in like freshman year of highschool when we gave my friend fake mushrooms that looked legit and got him a little drunk and took him out into the forest at night and started messing with him and he legit though he was on real mushrooms, i had left when it got the worst and he was freaking out thinking it was fake mushrooms with PCP or something and he was calling me yelling "were they real or were they fake, and did they have PCP?" and somehow he accidentally clicked over to a call he got at the same time from my buddys dad and started screaming the same shit at him, it was amazing
 
I used to have a bad habit of lying about everything when I was really drunk and meeting new people. I lied about my name, where I'm from, what my job was, how wealthy I am.. everything. I have had people convinced I was from Australia, that I was a millionaire and just going to college for the parties, or that I was a professor at the university, it goes on and on.

It's was actually a lot of fun but it needed to end haha.
 
I'm not proud of this, and it needs some prior knowledge so listen up.

Part 1 - When I was in the 1st grade I was a fucking arTIST, I could draw anything you asked. People, buildings, animules, all that shit. So one day I drew a mothefucking polar bear. Now this was not just an ordinary polar bear, it had an arctic landscape as the background, snow, some lighting in the sky, needless to say, I learned how to jerk off the same day I drew it. Now here's when we get into it.

Part 2 - I brought it home today to give to my mom, she said she thought it was pretty cool and I was like fuck yeah. However, that night, I was in her room, and I saw it crumpled up laying in the garbage can next to her bureau(which had a jewelry box on it) #foreshadowing. Upon seeing this, I flew into a a rage of some magnitude the gods themselves couldn't contain me. In this rage, I made the heartless mistake of taking a gold watch off her bureau and tossing it into the trash.

Part 3 - Later in ze evening, I was laying in my bunkbed, resting my little eyes. My sweet mother dearest walked in, and came to my bedside. She said to me, and I'll never forget these words, "Have you seen my gold watch?"

I casually muttered, "No I can't say I have, where was it last?"

She says, "It was on top of my jewelry box, but now I can't find it."

Me: "Maybe it fell into the trashcan when you were cleaning, it could've easily slipped off the edge, I hope you find it."

At this point I wasn't necessarily feeling regret, but I did have a slight twitch in my conscious. Over the years this guilt slowly ate away at me, a constant remembrance of the action I had taken due to such a meaningless act of throwing out a simple drawing.

Part 4 - Fast forward five years. I'm now in the 6th grade, a small young child with all the potential in the world. Everyday adding a new slampiece to my slampiece list. The world was mine for the taking. However, I remembered everyday the lie I had told, and decided it was time to let the truth out and reveal myself. I picked Easter to tell Mother, it wasn't easy, nor fun, but it had to be done. I pulled her outside that day, and she immediately knew something was wrong. I just came right out and said it, all the pressure finally lifted from my small, white, hairless chest. After explaining my actions, I felt incredibly stupid, but that's not the worst part. She told me that watch had been a gift from her mother (now deceased, at the time paralyzed and in an assisted living home), and was one of the only things she still had to remember her by. This crushed me and left me with a rotten feeling, something I never want to have to experience again. Tell the truth kids.

That's my story, you can contact me via my inbox with any inquiries regarding rights to the story and or publishing it.
 
Yea no shit it was an exaggeration, I probably couldn't even find my dick in the first grade.
 
Some say it was too small. Some say he was actually a girl. Whatever the reason, most agree that it's still that way today. It's a sad story really, but that's life with a small penis (or as a girl.)
 
So you disinfected it before you put it in the apple? That was nice of you.

I convinced 3 people that i had a british accent by talking in one for a day
 
ya and so was adding slam pieces to your list that was exaggerated to like 30 actually and hes only 12
 
In my freshan year of highschool, this one kid asked me and my friends at lunch if we were brothers, we don´t even look alike, so we told him that we were foster brothers. As time went on we thought of an elaborate backstory to explain why. As it turns out more and more people started to think we were brothers and so I only told one or two people that we weren´t actually brothers. And one day, my ¨brother¨ was getting a ride home from a friends mom, who happened to be friends with my parents. So another kid found out, but he didn´t say anything. To this day, the one kid who asked us if we were brothers still thinks that we are, as well as a few other kids.
 
K so

i got pulled over around this time last summer coming back from Spokane (I live in Idaho) right on the borer line of Idaho for going 8 over the limit. The cop was pretty stern but i stayed polite and calm. He asked me if i had any drugs or weapons in the car and i quickly said no. the thing was i actually did have ANYTHING in the car drug related.

So then another cop car pulled up with a drug dog. but suddenly i went into panic beacuse i remembered in the back of my car was an empty medical container that had weed in it that my friend left there and i was positive it stunk of weed. I was thinking "fuck i just lied to a cop im going to jail." so I waited for the dog to sniff out the weed and that would be that.

by the mercy of jah the dog did not sniff out the weed and i got off with a warning. scary shit, not exactly an intentional lie but it could have ended in poo poo
 
i told a girl i was the 2nd string kicker for penn state. she believed me and was all over me. i should have kept that going but i don't know how she believed it in the first place since i'm half the size of anyone on the team.
 
that it wasn't me who stole the cookies from the cookie jar

Cookiemonster2_FB.jpg


fucking suckers, now all the cookies are MINE MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
What if somebody was actually Austrian? that would have been an awkward conversation haha

& @rimjobber best post in the thread, lost.
 
Ive thought about this so many times like if i hit on girls with an accent will they actually be from that country
 
The doctor removed a mole on my stomach to test for skin cancer, so I had a cut with about 6 stitches in it. The next day I missed my court date for a speeding ticket, but realized it about 2 hours too late. Because I was in the process of moving, I came up with a quick excuse and drove to the court house as fast as I could. I told the judge I was moving and stabbed myself with a box cutter-- lifted my shirt and showed her the wound-- she dismissed the ticket. :)
 
i talked to the cops when i was belligerently drunk after a bunch of kids peaced out because the cops were coming...the police officer was my old football coach and looked at me, asked if i was drunk.

i said no.

then when my dad found out i had the party because kids's parents, the cops and neighbors told him about it, i told him it didn't happen.

no trouble at all, this has happened more than once
 
I scratched the side of my dads benz with my bike, like real bad. Then convinced him that he did it. It was complicated but old man bought it.
 
I told these DB's when i was in jr in HS that i own my own house when my parents were gone for the week. I got the money because I'm a pro skier on team red bull and they paid me 3mill last year.
 
Shit I did the same thing, I hit my bike into the bumper, back bumper was totally fucked and my mom thought someone backed into her at the grocery store.
 
I backed into a basically new Audi when I was turning around and she was following me (stranger, but we were clearly going to the same place) and busted her headlight. Told insurance she was moving forward when it was really me moving backward. Word.

 
It's another story in itself how this all came about, but we convinced everyone that one of our friends didn't make it home from the Indy 500. Here's the story:

While hanging out in the stands, we met some sketchy black kid named Cheaton. Yes, Cheaton. Anyways, him and said friend thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into the snake pit (the adult party area in the infield). Our friend then gambled away all his money playing blackjack in there. A few drinks later, him and Cheaton thought they could get his money back, since Cheaton is an amateur card counter. Our friend then took out an under-the-table loan from another sketchy black dude. They tried to win his money back by card counting, but got caught cheating and was arrested. He was not allowed to leave the city of Indianapolis until he paid fines. He stayed at Cheaton's house for the next few days and got the money by pawning off my camera that he had with him. His dad didn't find out because we took separate cars, and he told his dad he was coming straight to my house the next day. He came home a few days later.

*sparknotes: friend gambled money away at Indy 500, tried to cheat it back, got caught, was not allowed to leave Indianapolis until he paid fines.

f

There's a lot of other little details we added to the story for it to make sense when people asked questions that added to the ridiculousness of the story. Everyone believed this for multiple days. People that didn't even know him (he goes to a different school) were coming up and asking me about "that kid that was stuck in Indiana."

 
Card counting is not illegal?It's just "frowned upon" VERY strongly with casinos and will get your butt kicked harder than imagined in the back ally, and you'll be thrown out. However, it isn't illegal, you're simply playing by the rules to your advantage.
 
some friends of mine were in quebec and they convinced a bunch of girls at a bar that one of them was colby rasmus, outfielder for the blue jays (he is relatively famous for an MLB player)
 
I got my parents to believe I wasn't selling weed at my gf's college while I was in HS even after my sister ratted me out just to look like the good child.
 
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