Canadian University Students...hahah

L

Lauren9

Member
Haha got this from a friend as we were applying to University.

How many Queen's students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? One. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world

>>to revolve around him.

>>How many Ryerson students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? Trick question. Ryerson isn't a real university.

>> How many Lakehead students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? None. Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity.

>>How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>Two. One tochange the lightbulb and one to crack underthe

>>pressure.

>>How many Algonquin students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? Only 1. But he gets 6 credits for it.

>>How many Laurentian students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? None. Sudbury looks better in the dark.

>>How many Waterloo students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? 5. One to design a nuclear-powered one that never

>>needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of

>>Waterloo using that nuclear-lightbulb, two to install it,

>>and one to write the computer program that controls the wall

>>switch.

>>How many Western students does it to change a lightbulb?

>>5. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect

>>JCREW outfit to wear for the occasion.

>>How many McMaster students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to say

>>loudly how he did it as well as any Queen's student.

>>How many Carleton students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and one to complain

>>about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb

>>wouldn't go out.

>>How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>One. But SHE can't do it on Friday night.

>>How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>7. One to change the bulb and six to throw a party because

>>he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

>>How many Guelph students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>7. One to screw it in and 6 to figure out how to power it on

>>manure.

>>

>>How many Mt. Allison students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? 5. One to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo

>>of it.

>>

>>How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>None. Llava lamps don't burn out man!

>>

>>How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>4. One to do it and three to translate theinstructions.

>>How many Laurier students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? All of them. They make it a campus affair.

>>How many University of Manitoba students does it take to

>>change a lightbulb? There's a university in Manitoba?

>>How many York University students does it take to change a

>>lightbulb? 3. One to take directions from the science

>>student, the science student and one to philosophise about

>>life as a lightbulb.

>>How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw

>>in a lightbulb? 1. She screws everything, why not a light

>>bulb?

>>

>>How many Bishops University students does it take to screw

>>in a lightbulb? 0. Drinking is just as fun in the dark.
 
haha thats great ^ and its true Ottawa girls do screw everything...lol
 
haha i got that a couple years ago when i was applying. but there wasn't a bishops one then!

lauren where are you going? come to bishops, you know you want to.
 
Why don't they have Christmas at Western?

They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?

With a restraining order.

What do you get when you drive quickly through the Lakehead

campus?

An undergraduate degree.

Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?

Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away
 
">>How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?

>>One. But SHE can't do it on Friday night."

I go to McGill but I dont get it
 
I want to go out west, but we'll see, I might just come back for a semester and then ski...and live off the rents for another year, how is bishops?
 
haha, that's great..

i've gotta show my friends that since we're all in the process of applying to ontario schools as well..
 
sorry....this is long, but it's the email I just got today....kinda worth reading

50 THINGS ADMISSIONS NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT COLLEGE

1. Quarters are gold.

2. Two meals per day is the standard.

3. Road trip whenever possible.

4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.

5. You will begin to nap again.

6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.

7. Squirt guns = Stress relief.

8. Instant messenger becomes an addiction.

9. E-mail becomes your second language

10. College students throw paper airplanes too.

11. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you.

12. College football is the coolest thing on the planet.

13.

Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, but you can recite last week's re-run of The 70's Show verbatim.

14. Cartoons are for all ages.

15. Disney movies are more than just classics.

16. You will never rent/buy more movies in your life.

17. No one is too old for video games.

18. Procrastination is an art form.

19. SNOOD is more addicting than pot.

20. Thanks to Kazaa/Audiogalaxy/Morpheus, you will never listen to any of your CDs ever again.

21. It never hurt so much to get sick.

22. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that.

23. Care packages are right up there

with birthdays.

24. Campus is only clean for Family Weekend and Freshman Orientation.

25. Nothing you want to register for will be open.

26. Classes... the later the better.

27. You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you.

28. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.

29. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty.

30. Showers become less important; sleep becomes more important.

31. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.

32. Creativity in the dining halls is KEY...

33. The freshman 15 is NOT a myth!!!

34. If it's snowing out, the only reason you will leave your room is for food.

35. Dishes

smell after days of piling up.

36. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.

37. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.

38. You will eat anything that is free.

39. New additions to food groups: pitapit and pizza.

40. Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature.

41. ATM's are the devils advocate. ATM = Another Twenty Missing.

42. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them or lock yourself out of the room even more.

43. Duct tape heals all wounds.

44. If they say you can't have it in your dorm, they are just kidding.

45. You will come to hate hallways/elevators with a passion. (STAIRS ARE THE DEVIL)

46. You will begin to

negotiate with God even if you have doubted his existence in the past..."Please God, if you let me pass this final, I'll never drink again!"

47. Pictures, posters, emails or anything else to cover the ugly cell we live in will be transformed into wallpaper.

48. Everyone is only nice for the first week. After that, no matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back. Get used to it.

49. You are never alone!

50. You realize college is the ideal life! style, except for those pesky classes

TOP 10 REASONS THAT COLLEGE IS LIKE PRESCHOOL

10. You cry for your mother.

9. You cross the street without looking for cars.

8. Snack time is a necessity.

7. You bundle up for the outdoors without

caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.

6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.

5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.

4. You wear big mittens.

3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.

2. You take naps.

1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...

- You actually like doing laundry at home.

- Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

- You'd rather clean than study.

- "Oh man how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.

- Mom's Meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not avoid.

- Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.

-

You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas.

- You know the pizza boy by name.

- You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.

- You live for getting mail.

- Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

- Prank phone calls become funny again.

- You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.

- Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

- Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.

- The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday.

BEFORE I CAME TO COLLEGE, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...

- That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd still sleep through it.

- That I could change so much and barely realize it

- That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.

- No matter how 'cool' you were in high school, no one here

cares.

- That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.

- That every clock on campus shows a different time.

- That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here.

- That I would go to a party the night before a final.

- That Labs/Art studios take up more time than all my other classes put together.

- That you can know everything and fail a test.

- That you can know nothing and ace a test.

- That I could get used to almost anything found out about my roommate.

- That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.

- That friendship is more than getting drunk together.

- That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about

- That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.

- That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is

really Physics and that Physics is really Math.

- That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.

- That it's possible to be alone even when friends surround you.

- That friends are what make this place worthwhile!

- Don't be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after a moment or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.

Forward this to your friends because, without friends, college is prison

CANADIAN TERMINOLOGY: UNIVERSITIES AS GRAMMAR!!

GUELPH - v; to vomit due to drinking.

USAGE : If I have one more shot, I think I'll Guelph.

YORK - v; to spit out a large, coughed-up phlegm loogie with chunks in it.

USAGE : "hack!" "puhtooie!" Mmmm ... I just Yorked.

RYERSON - v; to

claim to be something you are not.

USAGE : He totally Ryersoned on me man, it's only four inches!

QUEEN'S - v; to act superior, the opposite of humble

USAGE: That dude was totally Queens.

TRENT - n; giant green floating poop.

USAGE : Dude, I just hung a major Trent!

LAKEHEAD - v; to forget everything.

USAGE : Shit, I went completely Lakehead on that exam!

WINDSOR - v; party, slack-off

USAGE : Why study when you can Windsor!

WESTERN - v; to obtain commitment-free sex.

USAGE : We're going out to the bar to see if we can Western tonight.

CARLETON - n; easy access.

USAGE : She was wearing jogging pants; it was real Carleton.

OTTAWA - n; horrible french accent.

USAGE : He speaks with an Ottawa.

McMASTER - v; to pleasure oneself.

USAGE : He's in his room

McMastering.

LAURENTIAN - n; a desperate plea.

USAGE : Please, I Laurentian you!

McGILL - v; swelling of the head.

USAGE : Her head has completely McGilled!

NIPPISSING - v; to void an enlarged bladder.

USAGE : I just drank 16 beers, I freaking need to Nippissing.

R.M.C. - n; severe beating.

USAGE : He got a savage R.M.C.!

WATERLOO - v; to fart in a tub/pool.

USAGE : Ahh gross! Did you just Waterloo!?!

CONCORDIA -- adj; young, innocent.

USAGE : I dig those Concordia girls.

--------------------

Q: Why don't they have Christmas at Western?

A: They can't find a virgin and three wise men.

Q: How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?

A: With a restraining order.

A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire

town: $10 worth of damage was reported.

Q: Why is it so windy in Kingston?

A: Because Queen's blows!

Q: What do you get when you drive quickly through the Lakehead campus?

A: An undergraduate degree.

Q: What's the first thing a Carleton girl does when she wakes up in the morning?

A: Walk home.

Q: How can you tell if a Trent student is a heterosexual?

A: He can outrun his roomate

Q: What does a U of T student call a Laurier student after graduation?

A: Boss.

Q: Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?

A: Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down? Naturally, the students were very upset...some of the books weren't colored-in yet.

Q: Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their

vehicles?

A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?

A: Immigration.

______________

Good luck to everyone on your finals. I found this very amusing (perhaps even useful)...

Fun things to do in a final exam that you have not studied for, and you are going to fail the class anyways!

Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

Bring cheerleaders.

Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let

them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

Come into the exam wearing

slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of

the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.

Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

Bring pets.

On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've

got the secret documents!!"

Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester

long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
 
wait, are u making fun of canadian univeristys or what?

my uncle worked this both harvard and mcgill students and he said he didnt know who went to harvard and who went to mcgill because there was no dif.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top