Braces
- Thread starter mattytru
- Start date
StanMcStanson
Active member
yeah, i had braces for 2 years. they suck, but you get used to them. its probably going to stop bothering you in a week or two, but ask the orthodontist about it next time you're there.
graciousstallion
Member
lawl 7th grade.
THEDICKBUTCHER
Active member
haha "im in 7th grade get over it" thats awesome!! i lol'd
and they do suck unfortunately i still have em my parents waited too fucking long to want to pay for em!!
and they do suck unfortunately i still have em my parents waited too fucking long to want to pay for em!!
EastcoastAR5
Active member
good news from the onion.
These Tropical-Colored Braces Are Going To Get You So Much Ass
Walking out of this office with braces for the first time can be a
difficult ordeal, and I understand you probably feel insecure about how
it will affect your appearance. You probably think the best way to go
is to pick the colors of your favorite sports team or maybe a nice blue
to match your eyes—but you would be making the biggest mistake of your
young life. That is why, based on my 25 years of orthodontic
experience, I can confidently say that the aqua-blue, green, and purple
ligatures I have just applied to your teeth are going to put you
eyeball-deep in tail before you know it.
Trust me, nothing, and I mean nothing, gets girls wetter than a guy sporting a mouthful of tropical-colored braces.
Now that you're rocking these awesome Caribbean-inspired rubber
bands, you should consider investing in a snorkel, because you're about
to be swimming in pussy. The second you walk into that homeroom
tomorrow morning and smile that exotic smile of yours, there are going
to be so many girls itching to give it up that you're going to have to
beat them off with a stick. Your stick.
Take it from me, red and black elastics would have scared the girls
away, and green and blue would have made you look like a Dorkus
Supremo, but this tropical color combination says that you're cool,
laid-back, and ready for some hot, all-night-long action to the
intoxicating rhythms of calypso music. Once you get used to flossing
after every meal and the occasional mouth sore, the only question will
be: Are you prepared for all that poontang? It's going to take all your
power not to sneak off to the bleachers during lunch just to get your
noodle wet.
The Sixth-Grade Ass King—that's what they're going to call you. But
only if you remember to brush after every meal and avoid peanut butter
and really hard pretzels.
This is just the beginning. I've always said the brighter the bands
and the tighter the archwires, the looser the women. And judging by
that underbite of yours, you're going to have years and years of easy
tail coming your way—at least for the rest of high school and probably
into your sophomore year of college.
And hoo boy, once you hit the college level, it's like a whole new
ball game. Not only do universities supply some of the best ass in the
game, but tropical-colored braces set a mood that drives college girls
completely wild—palm trees, exotic birds, gentle breezes, succulent
fruits, and water so blue that it makes chicks want to rip off their
clothes and dive right in. And guess what? You're the water. Just make
sure you cap off your all-night-sex-fests with a thorough brushing and
an oral rinse.
Yes, sir. Nothing gets those college girls humming like orthodontic
realignment appliances, and by the looks of your X-rays, you're going
to have it all: oral spacers, bite splints, maxillomandibular osteotomy
to push back your protruding mandible. If everything stays on schedule
you are going to have your jaw wired shut for at least a month when
you're 18. But don't mention that to my receptionist Sue—she's a
married woman!
Remember, you're only guaranteed to get some if you wear your
top-to-bottom rubber bands all the time, and I can tell when you aren't
wearing them so don't lie to me.
When I was younger, I would have killed to enjoy the kinds of severe
malocclusions you have. But sadly, I never had the opportunity to put
tropical-colored—or even neon—elastics in my mouth because my teeth
came in pretty straight. I had to wait until I was 19 to lose my
virginity. That's not going to be the case for you, Ass King, because
tomorrow morning you are going to wake up and your teeth are going to
be in so much pain that you'll have to drink your meals for at least
three days.† But is that really going to matter if you're lying next to
one, two, or even 12 gorgeous women? Hell, with the extreme amounts of
ass you'll be getting in the next seven years, what's the point of even
keeping track?
Once again, I can't stress enough how important it is not to chew on
ice cubes. You could break one of your brackets, which would make your
parents very upset. And after you've kept them up until all hours with
the moans of the chicks you're banging, the last thing you'll want to
do is make them angrier.
I know the next few years of regular tightenings are just going to
fly by, but don't think that once you get your braces off your days of
being the Ass King are over. That couldn't be further from the truth.
Lucky for you, the steady stream of bumpin' uglies will continue well
into adulthood, my good boy, because you are going to have to wear the
raddest pussy-magnet retainer 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the
rest of your life.
These Tropical-Colored Braces Are Going To Get You So Much Ass
Walking out of this office with braces for the first time can be a
difficult ordeal, and I understand you probably feel insecure about how
it will affect your appearance. You probably think the best way to go
is to pick the colors of your favorite sports team or maybe a nice blue
to match your eyes—but you would be making the biggest mistake of your
young life. That is why, based on my 25 years of orthodontic
experience, I can confidently say that the aqua-blue, green, and purple
ligatures I have just applied to your teeth are going to put you
eyeball-deep in tail before you know it.
Trust me, nothing, and I mean nothing, gets girls wetter than a guy sporting a mouthful of tropical-colored braces.
Now that you're rocking these awesome Caribbean-inspired rubber
bands, you should consider investing in a snorkel, because you're about
to be swimming in pussy. The second you walk into that homeroom
tomorrow morning and smile that exotic smile of yours, there are going
to be so many girls itching to give it up that you're going to have to
beat them off with a stick. Your stick.
Take it from me, red and black elastics would have scared the girls
away, and green and blue would have made you look like a Dorkus
Supremo, but this tropical color combination says that you're cool,
laid-back, and ready for some hot, all-night-long action to the
intoxicating rhythms of calypso music. Once you get used to flossing
after every meal and the occasional mouth sore, the only question will
be: Are you prepared for all that poontang? It's going to take all your
power not to sneak off to the bleachers during lunch just to get your
noodle wet.
The Sixth-Grade Ass King—that's what they're going to call you. But
only if you remember to brush after every meal and avoid peanut butter
and really hard pretzels.
This is just the beginning. I've always said the brighter the bands
and the tighter the archwires, the looser the women. And judging by
that underbite of yours, you're going to have years and years of easy
tail coming your way—at least for the rest of high school and probably
into your sophomore year of college.
And hoo boy, once you hit the college level, it's like a whole new
ball game. Not only do universities supply some of the best ass in the
game, but tropical-colored braces set a mood that drives college girls
completely wild—palm trees, exotic birds, gentle breezes, succulent
fruits, and water so blue that it makes chicks want to rip off their
clothes and dive right in. And guess what? You're the water. Just make
sure you cap off your all-night-sex-fests with a thorough brushing and
an oral rinse.
Yes, sir. Nothing gets those college girls humming like orthodontic
realignment appliances, and by the looks of your X-rays, you're going
to have it all: oral spacers, bite splints, maxillomandibular osteotomy
to push back your protruding mandible. If everything stays on schedule
you are going to have your jaw wired shut for at least a month when
you're 18. But don't mention that to my receptionist Sue—she's a
married woman!
Remember, you're only guaranteed to get some if you wear your
top-to-bottom rubber bands all the time, and I can tell when you aren't
wearing them so don't lie to me.
When I was younger, I would have killed to enjoy the kinds of severe
malocclusions you have. But sadly, I never had the opportunity to put
tropical-colored—or even neon—elastics in my mouth because my teeth
came in pretty straight. I had to wait until I was 19 to lose my
virginity. That's not going to be the case for you, Ass King, because
tomorrow morning you are going to wake up and your teeth are going to
be in so much pain that you'll have to drink your meals for at least
three days.† But is that really going to matter if you're lying next to
one, two, or even 12 gorgeous women? Hell, with the extreme amounts of
ass you'll be getting in the next seven years, what's the point of even
keeping track?
Once again, I can't stress enough how important it is not to chew on
ice cubes. You could break one of your brackets, which would make your
parents very upset. And after you've kept them up until all hours with
the moans of the chicks you're banging, the last thing you'll want to
do is make them angrier.
I know the next few years of regular tightenings are just going to
fly by, but don't think that once you get your braces off your days of
being the Ass King are over. That couldn't be further from the truth.
Lucky for you, the steady stream of bumpin' uglies will continue well
into adulthood, my good boy, because you are going to have to wear the
raddest pussy-magnet retainer 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the
rest of your life.
keystoner1
Active member
its pry ok just wait for powwerbands. they suuuuuuck
woolymammoth
Member
yea that aritcle^ pretty much summed up my years in braces
ahh...the good old days
ahh...the good old days
BootySpunk.
Active member
Man braces the good ole' days of middle school
DJSTEVEINNIAMIXX
Active member
yeah they probobly put bandlock on or something. its like putty cement that they put on your molers so when you bite you dont bite down on a bracket. or it could just be your teeth moving around. it takes a shit load of time to wear off,they will usually grind it off when its time. your teeth are goin to hurt like a bitch for a week or so though.