Best one liners to teachers.

This kid who i shared a schedule with last year came in blazed as shit at least twice a week, and late for every class.

Teacher: Do you have a pass?

Him: Fuck you

He stands in the doorway for a moment and then walks out.
 
last year

Teacher: This dinosaur had a brain in its head and near its buttocks

Me: Would that classify it as a smartass?

 
Teacher: (talking about how he and his wife are chaperoning the dance)

Ben: Im gonna teach your wife how to bump and grind

Teacher: If you do that, I will chop your penis off

Class: silent for minute then everyone starts laughin their ass off
 
after I told someone to shut up

teacher: We dont tell people to shut up

Me: Well I just did

not that great you had to be there
 
another teacher goes to us on the first day of class before we knew the guy you know if you masterbate too much hair grows on your palms we all looked down and he started laughing and then we were all awkward i go to an all boys school btw and im calling bullshit on half this shit
 
BS on half this shit is a pretty legit call, but that's an awesome one - especially from an all boys school.
 
haha long one. happened to a good friend of mine. its funny though.

so this kids havin a dream, and its about school, and it kinda goes through his day, and towards the end his hot teacher, last one of the day, says kyle i need to see you after school. so he goes into her office, and she says something along the lines of "we need to correct your attitude young man." and he replies "you like bad boys huh?" and winks. and they bang on her desk.

so the next day after the dream, everythings goin just like his dream, and finally his hot teacher says "kyle i ned to see you after school." so he gets all stoked, keeps going, he says you like bad boys huh?
but then she called the principle instead of banging him.

 
one time there was a teacher who was a super bitch

i had super long hair and had just got it cut

she say "wow you dont look like a girl anymore"

and i say "neither do you"

it was the last day of school so she didnt really care since i used to suck up to her before she became a huge bitch
 
this isnt a one liner but in middle school there was this sub that every body knew really well and she knew every ones names by the time we were all in 8th grade so by the end of 8th grade when ever someone would see her they would give her a really long hug and not let go it got really funny when everyone started doing it all at once.
 
wow iv had my fare share of come backs and one liners. for some reason though only two come to mind.

1. teacher sais to me after I rant at her "mathieu pleaz"

me: showing the hand with attitude ( jokingly of corse ) "bitch please!)

2.my french teacher who I wanted to kill for the whole year ( long story)

she sais " le silence fut!" ( its a lame expression in french to get the class to be quite, it sais "and there was silence"

Me: " et la vace parla" (" and then the cow spoke") so basicaly when she adressed the class she became insulted
 
coming from this huge black kid who just transfered to our school, keep in mind that my english teacher is a doctor, has a heavy brooklyn/jewish accent and is eccentric at times

Dr. weiner: asa why isnt your book with you i told you you must have your BOOKS

asa: man idk

Dr. weiner: asa i cant always tell u to do stuff im not your father

asa: how d'you know?

in science class

teacher: can anyone tell me the compositional difference between a diamond and crystalline?

friend: diamonds are forever
 
haha i had him, hes such a prick but i kinda think hes funny. he rips on kids so much. one kid gave him shit for losing in playoffs and the kid was on the football team, hes asked him division 4 even had playoffs haha.
 
A few years ago I got in a fight, and got a gnarly black eye. I proceeded to go to calculus class the next day or few days after, and walked in late (again). I had a teacher that was pretty chill, and immediatley was like "What happened to you?". I then stated "I started a fight club". He was like "What?!" then I was like "first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club". Nobody laughed and I felt like an asshole, but I thought it was funny.
 
Another excellent one was talking about a certain chemical in my immunology class that is used as a new sort of antimicrobial, and apparently it was used in makeup. And the teacher was like "I think its used in some new kind of eyeliner" (he's an old science guy, and has no idea). all the girls were like "I think its nivia, or loreal, and shit. Then I stated, very boldly, "Maybe its maybelline?". Everyone laughed that time. I felt good.
 
i was in 8th grade taking finals (i went to a catholic school and there were 56 kids in 8th grade, all grade were really small) but anyways it was the 7th and 8th graders in our lunch room taking finals, and this is what happend

i was talking then the teacher said

Teacher- Trent, you cant talk
Me- why not
Teacher- NO
Me - (continue to talk)
Teacher- what dont you understand about NO
Me- the N and the O

also in 6th grade the whole 6th grade was in the cafiteria and we were talking about dress codes, about hair length

this is what went down

Me- Why cant we have long hair, i mean jesus had long hair
Principle, Teacher- (speachless)
6th graders- HAHAHAHA
 
University History class, checking my e-mail on my Laptop

(Probably like 150 kids in this class, and I have never said a word.)

Prof: Dan what are you looking at?

Me: It doesn't concern you.

He didn't know what to do, neither did any of the kids.
 
not to a teacher but fucking hilarious..

it was grade 6 prom and some girl from our class came out of a limo with her face fulllllllll of make-up, all put on with no taste. so I look to my friend and say "who invited the clown" lol i still remember that one
 
me- a sphincter says what?

teacher- what, ???

me- a sphincter says what?

teacher- what? wait wait, what?

me- *giggle*
 
i had this fat lax coach who was a huge asshole and was really mean to me and everyone else so one time we were doing a drill where you have a line up top and a line behind the goal, so the coach yells "up top" so they go and then he yells "from behind" and this kid in front of me yells "is that how you like it fatass?" the entire team was on their knees
it didn't go over very well......
 
so we are sitting in history with mr.d who is THE most excentric teacher in the school, hes weird but also funny as shit.

he sees one chick trying to mouth words to her friend across the room, calls her out she says "im sorry", mr.d goes flips a tit "your sorry?, i know for a fact your not sorry u did it ur just sorry u got caught!" the chick, freakin out a lil "IM SORRY!!!!" "NO YOUR NOT!!" "IM SORRY!!!" "NO YOUR NOT SORRY EVERYTIME YOU SAY YOUR SORRY YOUR LYING TO ME" the chick, scared and confused, "ok im not sorry?" "THANK YOU!" the whole class is like wtf and we just sit there silent for a sec and then burst out laughing. she cries and goes to the nurses office
 
Hahaha, I liked Mr. Davis for the most part, he definitely played favorites with his basketball team but I guess that's kind of expected. Overall he was a pretty funny, laidback dude, but not the kind of guy to cross either. As you said, he could be a real prick.
 
teacher "ben franklin once said"if i had to cut down a forest id be sharpening my axe"" (or something like that)

me being the skier i am-"what'd ben franklin have to say about global warming then?"
 
we were playing whiffle ball since we had nothing left to do in history class at the end of the year (no final... just a big assignment that was due a few days before exams) and my history teacher who is around 60 and is really chill hits the ball and immediately after contact with the ball he yells out

"CRANK THAT, MAH FUCKAH!"

seriously the coolest teacher ever. he opens youtube and plays jayz, wu tang, etc. during class if we are just doing a worksheet or something.
 
~In the lunch room copying a response on a poem or something like that

Teacher: Eric, Are you copying that paper?

Me: Not word for word
 
wellmi dont really have any smart ass comments that i can remember but here are some one liners

teacher: Kent, what are the advantages of being an asexual organsism?

me: No emotional attachment to your partner

and another

Teacher: Reading from shakespeares a midsummer nights dream

me: ahh mrs. sommers? kent would like to know why hermia is speaking in third person

my best frined got mad and called me a tool

oh and my teachers name is mrs. sommers
 
what would brian boitano do?

Teacher: ludacris, exzibit, and tupac are down in detroit trying to get ride of the n word

Me: (in front of the whole school) Tupac is dead

Teacher: no he isnt

Me: hate to break it to u he is

Teacher: if u say one more word u have detention

me: THUG LIFE!
 
ok, back in 5th grade...

we were in history class and my teacher wrote the pledge of allegiance on the board,

she starts giving us this shpeel about how we need to know the pledge of allegiance and what it means, and stands for yada yada yada...

some kid points out that she's missing the word republic, and i yell "and you think WE should know it!?"

my parents are both teachers so i was fucked pretty hard. hahahahaha

still worth it.
 
well not so much a one liner as an action...and it wasn't me but it happened in my class..

we're all working on answering some questions in class and this one kid (who's an idiot) gets up to ask the teacher a question and she tells him to sit down. Then he gets up again to ask the person next to him a question and the teacher warns him again. Finally she comes over to see him and while she's standing over him he gets up. I died of laughter when this happened but it didn't end there. Once he was up, he walked to the recycling bin in the class and sat down in it. I swear he did. He got kicked out of school that same year.....
 
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