Best one liners to teachers.

J

j-d-s

Member
So i was just remembering my good old school days and remembered some classic one liners a few dudes gave to some teachers. The best one was,

the teacher goes "why are you late son", my buddy simply replies "i aint your son bitch"

another one was when a crazy kid stole this teachers pen and wouldnt give it back, the teacher asked him and the kid plain and simple goes "get on your knees and beg"

 
oh, i thought this was gonna be pick-up lines that work instantly on all those hot teachers we love...you disappointed me
 
well yer there were a few of them. one teacher was in a movie, got thrown into a pool naked, we all found out, my best friend asked if she liked filming whilst jumping into pools and asked if shed do it with him. he got detention
 
Other way round...

Teacher: good job you got an 81%

Student: thanks!

Teacher: thats 81 more than i thought you would get.
 
the worst i ever did was; im 20 minutes late high off my ass.

teach: where have you been?
me: right there
teach: no
me: well i guess you're right, at least im still skinny

teacher ways like 350 lbs.
 
we were in class and my teacher called one of my friends a Dumbass, and he simply replays i rather be a smartass than a dumbass...haha it was great
 
hot teacher with MASSIVE tits

teacher: Brian!, you need to pay attention to me more in class!

me: I'm paying attention, just not at your mouth.

teacher: gives me the stare (female bitch stare)
 
Not really a one liner but. . .

Teacher: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
Student: How would you like to suck my balls?
Teacher: What did you say?
Student: Oh I'm sorry. What I said was: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS?!

God I love south park.
 
we have this crazy french teacher that doesnt give a shit and this was our last french class -

Teacher: what do you have planned for this summmer chris?

chris: FUCK YOU

she didnt do shit about it haha everyone laughed so hard
 
it wasnt a teacher, but this old guy cut off a snowboarder at my mountain, and the snowboarder came back and cut off the old dude, and when they got to the chairlift they started fighting and then the old guy was like, "You're a Dick!", adn the snowboarder was like, "Well you're old!!!!!"

it was awesome
 
this is as i was walking into class around 5 min late (not really a one liner but it was funny)

teacher-hey tom pull your pants up

me- why its not like some one is gonna pull them down

*my teacher(hot student teacher) pulls down my pants

me-I told you that you can only do that at your house

*i got sit down with my pants at my ankles
 
when pacman jones was a freshman in high school

teacher: adam why havent you done your homework

pacman: shutup bitch im going league

swear to god nothing will ever top that
 
if that's true it's a pretty cool story. if not i will attempt it with the next hot teacher i see.
 
Some kid in my school started screwing this 20-something year old substitute, named ms.chezum. Then she started getting crazy and showed up at his house demanding him to fuck her and what not. He got freaked out, told the cops, hey arrested her, and put her up in a mental hospital b/c she said she was going to kill herself.

THEN, one day about a week later my friend walks into class like 10 minutes late, and my teacher goes where have you been?

He goes, IM SORRY, MS.CHEZUM CORNERED ME! I COULDNT HELP IT!

It was classic
 
This ones kinda old, and im way to tired to look through the thead but here:

Student(to teacher): Would you get me in trouble for something i didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not

Student: I didn't do the homework

 
ha that's like the time my dad told me not to be a smart-ass and i said "oh, do you want me to be a dumbass?"
 
we had something like that- a kid in my class was sleeping and the teacher called him out on it- he was like"im sorry, but miss kline is keeping me up all nite again"
 
after i was busting a teacher's balls for most of the entire period he says You will respect me... as he says this he is trying to hit the office call button which has a dean come down and escort you to the office or cop any way he is fiddling with what he thinks is the button but is really like a projector button or light switch i don't really know it didn't do anything and i said how do you expect me to respect you if you cant find the call button.... whole class laughed i got a in-school
 
teacher- " i suck so bad" (talking about her basketball skills because there was a faculty game coming up)

me- "Thats what she said"

 
my econ12 teacher would always put comics relating to economics on the front of test and if you wrote a witty and relevant caption you would get an extra mark(super chill taech)

the last test this year there was a comic , part of it read "ouch that big one hurt"

you can guess what i wrote....THATS WHAT SHE SAID...my teacher was chill and just told me to write another one along with that one
 
In grade 10 a guy in my class showed up about 20 mins late for first class. Our teacher asked him, "Kevin, why are late this morning," and Kevin replied with a straight face, "I stopped to fight crime on the way." The whole room killed themselves laughing. Our teacher said that was the most original excuse he's ever heard and told him to sit down and try not being late again.
 
a kid in my french class in 8th grade was late two days in a row the teacher asked why he was late the first day he said there was a burning building and there was a kid in it so he saved the kid, the second day he said there was a bear in the hallway.
 
i love thats what she said jokes on teachers

all the students laughing and the teacber staring around befuzzeled

ahhhhhhhhh fuck school
 
i've used that line before. so in verbatum the conversation went a little like this

teacher-"Christian you're late again"

me-"ah well what do you know my watch must be broken"

teacher-"thats it ive had enough"

me-"thats what she said"

had the whole class on their knees laughing
 
in like 8th grade my friend got in trouble in math class, creepy tall skinny teacher, and his punishment was to ski with him at ski club (the lurker was also a guardian guy for ski club) the teacher sees him getting off the lift and goes "come on colin time to ski" with a straight face colin replies "are you trying to rape me?" yea he got in school for a few days, totally worth it thouhg
 
oh and senior year of english class, came in super blazed one day and my teacher was asking the girl next to me about some crazy coffee whipcream green shit drink she got from dunkin donuts... before she gets a chance to respond i said "Orange-Mocha+Frappachino"... the sad part is only like 2 people got it
 
when you go to class late just tell the teacher that you had violent diheria and they won't ask any questions
 
Win. Did you see that or hear about it?

It would be great to know your going pro and could just tell veryone teacher off.
 
Uh.. my teacher called ME out once, I guess that's something.

I was sitting in math class high as shit after a lunch time blaze session while the teacher was going around checking to make sure everyone had done their homework. For some stupid reason I can't remember I started giggling and the teacher looked over at me..

Teacher: Andrew, may I ask what you're laughing about?

Me: Uh, nothing..

Teacher: (Looks directly into my bloodshot eyes) Yeah... I'll bet nothing...

Good thing he was a chill dude, never got into any shit for it, even after conferences. Mr. Davis for those of you who went to MMU in VT.
 
my teach just called me out like that today haha

why is this relevant?
him: it just is, cause i think so
me: why'd you decide that?
him: for shits and giggles.
me: ...
him. damn you stupid stoner kids and your rebelliousness
me: whatever mr. stockton, go sit down
 
friend and i were in the weight room during study hall one day and we were running on the treadmills to warm up when the principal came in since all he does is wander around all day. there was one more treadmill that wasnt being used and my friends yells out "HEY DR. KING! I SAVED A TREADMILL FOR YOU!"

(dr. king is very overweight)

everybody in the room just went silent until the principal left like he hadnt heard it. my friend got called down over the intercom the next period. got a saturday detention by trying to say he didnt say it.

 
mr. youseph is fat.

him: michael get back to work]
me: get back on weight watchers.

he just turned around and harrassed someone else
 
haha i was there. but what makes it even better is that this teacher is like 350 pounds and the biggest bitch in our school. he just gave him this blank stare...
 
im in earth science last year and my teacher is passing around asbestis in a bottle and this girl who reaks of cigarettes says

Girl: Doesn't asbestis give u cancer?

Teacher: Yeah

Girl: Then why are you passing it around to us?

Teacher: What do you care you smoke anyway?

great great moment

 
Hahahaha if that's real that shit is amazing.

My ancient-ass Latin teacher looked me in the eyes and said word for word "Andrew... You have the worst fucking attitude I've ever seen". I couldn't help it, he's goddamn 70, I busted out laughing and he got even angrier.
 
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